The Conversation

Me: God, can I ask you a question?

God: Sure.

Me: Promise you won’t get mad?

God: I promise.

Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today??

God: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late…

God: Yes.

Me: My car took forever to start…

God: Okay.

Me: At lunch, they made my sandwich long and I had to wait…

God: Hmm..

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call…

God: Alright.

Me: And on top of it all, when I got home, I just wanted to soak my feet in my new foot massager and relax, BUT it would NOT work…!!! NOTHING went right today! Why did you do that?!?!

God: Let me see.. the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of my Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me: (humbled) Oh.

God: I did not let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I did not want you to catch what they have. I knew you could not afford to miss work.

Me: (embarrassed) Okay.

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call. I did not even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me: (softly) I see God.

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all the power in your house tonight. I did not think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I am sorry God.

God: Do not be sorry, just learn to trust me… in all things, the good and the bad.

Me: I will trust you.

God: And do not doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan.

Me: I won’t God. And let me just tell you God… thank you for everything.

God: You are welcome, my child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children…

(unknown author)

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Setback to Setup

 

Everyone encounters situations that get in the way of their progress of where they want to go in life, and every problem has a solution. Setbacks are a part of life. What matters most is how we handle those setbacks, and that starts by having the right attitude. If we keep the right attitude, we can look at our opposition as an opportunity.  What was meant for your harm was meant to be used for your advantage. Had it not been for the opposition, you would have done one of two things: either stayed in your boat or got on the wrong boat. So do not look at disappointments or betrayals as setbacks.  Setbacks are setups to catapult you forward in life.  Not only will you come out of the trouble, you will also be better off than you were before.

Two major setbacks to watch our for: Enemies and Closed Doors:

ENEMIES: Our enemies are there to promote us, to develop our character, and to make use stronger. With the right attitude, your enemies will push you out of your comfort zone. Each time you try to prove your enemies wrong by successfully showing them what you are capable of achieving, you have just promoted yourself above them. Your enemies can even be used to keep you moving forward so you don’t give up. By knowing your enemies are waiting to see you fall, that is more than enough motivation to discipline yourself to stay focused on what it is that you want to achieve. Do not fall into a pit of self-pity because people say hurtful things about you or to you. Hurting people do and say hurtful things to bring you down to their level, and they only try to do this to people they admire. Do not be discouraged because that one friend walked away. They were never really your friend to begin with or else they would have never walked away. Don’t be upset because someone betrayed your trust. There may have come a time in the future when you may have entrusted that person with something even more confidential than the thing they betrayed you with, and their betrayal may have been the one thing that destroyed your soul. Enemies set us up to learn how to focus on the future regardless of the stress and pressures we are under at the moment, and train us to focus on making decisions based on wisdom rather than emotion.

CLOSED DOORS:  Highways have lines; one on each side and one in the center. Those lines provide margins for our safety while we are driving forward to our destination. If we go over the line on the right side, we might drive into a ditch or over a cliff. If we cross over the line in the middle, we could get killed. We need those lines because they help keep us safe. It’s like that in our personal lives, too. When we have boundaries, borders, and margins, we feel much better and experience a sense of peace in our lives. Closed doors are similar to highway lines. Don’t fight against every closed door. Do not be angry and do not give up on your goals just because something you really wanted so badly did not come to pass when you wanted it to. That might have been the one door that would have destroyed you, or, it may be that the timing was not right for that door to open just yet. Either way, that closed door was a setup to get you closer to your destination.

Solution for Setbacks: Practice not complaining, not getting depressed or feeling defeated when facing a setback. Let go of any self-pity and let go of all self-blame. Now that you know those setbacks are actually setups in disguise, you can get a fresh vision for your life.

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Jump-start your dreams

What are the dreams that have been placed in your heart? Actually, I am not technically asking if you have any; I already know they are there because all of us have dreams. Dreams are given to us for a reason. Dreams give us encouragement, hope, and insight. Dreams add fuel to our yearning for life. Whether you believe your dreams are given to you by a higher power as a premonition or are a byproduct of your own imagination, it would be a shame to let your dreams go to waste and not do anything to jump-start them into a reality.

I have seen people do all kinds of things to their dreams. Some people have buried them so deep in their hearts in order to protect them from the criticism of others.  Some people have set them out of sight so they do not have to think about them anymore.  Some people finally just give up on their dreams because it hurts too much to hold on to them.

If you are any one of these people, do not throw away your dreams! Remember: they are given to you for a reason, so why not pursue them? It would be a shame to let such priceless and precious dreams go to waste when all you need is a starting point to jump-start your dreams:

First: You need to get a vision that is clear. A clear vision means to interpret your dream correctly. You can either do this yourself or do some research online on dream interpretation. It is very important to have a clear vision of what it is that you intend to achieve.  You do not want to find yourself going off on the wrong path in life. This will turn your dreams into nightmares.

Second: You must keep the vision in front of you at all times.  Keeping the vision in your eyesight at all times serves as a constant reminder of the reason why you wake up every morning, the purpose for your life, and the destination of where you want to be at in life. You could make a note to yourself and place this note wherever you spend a majority of your time. You could wear something symbolic that reminds you of your vision everytime you see it or touch it. You could record a message to yourself and play it whenever you feel like giving up. Think of creative ways that work best for you.

Third: Find a balance between ambition and contentment.  Be content with what you have and where are in life at the moment, but do whatever it takes to stay ambitious enough to change your life for the better. Dreams can only be made into a reality step-by-step, one day at a time.

Fourth: Be patient – with yourself and your vision.  Having a vision does not mean that it will instantly appear.  There is a process, and that process requires a lot of work, time, dedication, and effort on your part. You have to remain just as enthused about the process of your vision as you are in the end result. Train yourself to be satisfied to the point where you are not disturbed by the progress you are making toward your vision, especially when it seems like you are not making any progression at all.

Never allow yourself to get upset with wherever you are at the moment. Remember, this is a one-step-one-day-at-a-time process. Always look forward to where you WILL be and learn to enjoy where you are while you are on your way to where you are going.

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

When You Are In A Relationship…

No matter what type of relationship it is, professional or personal, it is still considered a relationship. Some key facts to remember are:

“When you are in a relationship with a person who takes more than they are willing to give, what appears to be fair to you is just an illusion.”

Self-serving people do not believe in equality.  They do not practice fairness.  They feel like the world owes them and it should be grateful they are here. Actually, they live in a different world than ours, where everything is given to them with little or no effort or gratitude, and that is the way it should be in their mind. They will put in great efforts to make this fictitious world of theirs a reality. We all have to put in a degree of effort to achieve balance in our lives. The truth is, in the real world, it would require too much work for self-serving people to earn what they desire. It is much easier for them to walk around living a lie and telling a lie than it is for them to face the truth.

Dependability is not an important factor for the person who is self-serving in a relationship. You may not recognize so in the beginning, because they are trying to gain your trust by imitating the kind of person whom you are attracted to. They are also inspired by their idea of gaining what they want if they pretend to be someone they are not. After a while, you will start to see flaws in their behavior when it comes to them being dependable. You will notice more and more excuses for why they cannot do the things they did in the beginning. This is because they feel they have you wrapped around their little finger. You will also start to see them lacking on their part for what they are supposed to be contributing, hoping you will pick up their slack. The whole idea is for you to be the one who winds up doing all the giving while they do nothing but reap the benefits.

Do not waste time trying to save someone that does not want to be saved. The best thing you can do for that person is to be supportive, but not at the expense of becoming their savior, judge, or prosecutor. If you associate yourself long enough around someone who refuses to do better, either one of two things will happen: either they will have you thinking like them or they will drag you down with them. Remember: misery loves company, and you are no exception.

“When you are in a relationship with a person who hates explaining themselves, chances are they can’t remember all of their lies.”

Think about it. If someone asks you to tell the truth, it takes no effort at all to recall all the facts. If you told a lie, you will have to concentrate on what you have already said in order for it to make sense with what you are asked to explain at the present time. This is too much work, and too risky. The liar is bound to be exposed once they start trying to explain what they want you to think is the truth.

“When you are in a relationship with a person who cannot control their emotions, it is a sign of immaturity.”

Immature people do not make good partners. Have you ever tried to console a child when they are having a temper tantrum? It is nearly impossible.  They want what they want and will go to no ends to get what they want. Period. There is no negotiating until they get all that screaming and carrying on out of their system. Now, apply that same concept to an adult. With a child, the fear of being punished by their parents for their behavior keeps them somewhat under control. With an adult, they have no fear of that because it does not apply. If an immature person does not want to be held responsible, they won’t.  In fact, they avoid responsibility at all costs. You now have an out-of-control adult with no limits as to how far they will go to get what they want.

(to be continued)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

A Life Without Problems: Character and Ability

Character and Ability: Two very important factors to consider when choosing a friend, a business partner, a romantic partner, etc. …

Character: Just because someone says they will do something does not necessarily mean they will do it. They may make a ton of empty promises just to tell you what they think you might want to hear, hoping you will react on them before these promises are delivered. Wait, be patient. Watch, and observe. Give them a chance to fulfill those promises first before reacting on them.

Ability: Check the person’s ability to deliver on their promises.  Suppose someone says to you “I am going to buy you a diamond ring”. If this person has no money or is frivolous with money, how can they save up the amount needed to buy this extravagant gift? It is impossible. Also, remember just because a person has the resources to do something does not necessarily mean they will do it.  Look for conditions to their promises. Promises should be stately clearly without misunderstandings.

 

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (part 3)

After your list of fears have been created, review your list to see what is realistic and what is not…

All fears have an origin, and figuring out what that origin is requires reflecting on our past experiences and self-reflection in general as to how we perceived those experiences, whether or not we have decided to have closure about them, etc. We create unrealistic fears out of unnecessary worries. Unnecessary worries are our own excessive thoughts and concerns about how we can control things that we actually cannot change the outcome of yet somehow feel we must take the blame if things do go wrong.  If we can eliminate the need to control the things we cannot change, those unnecessary worries will vanish, and so will the unrealistic fears.

Speaking of things we cannot change, how many times have we blamed ourselves for things we think we should be in control of only to find out it was out of our hands to begin with? One of the most common examples of this kind of misdirected self-blame is when we experience a breakup or a divorce.  Self-blame creates fears that have no credibility. For example; if you have done the best that you are capable of doing to love someone properly and they still reject you in the end, that is not your fault. It’s either they are going to accept you for who you are, or they are not. Do not settle for any other alternative. Do not be afraid to take a chance on love again just because someone did not appreciate what you have to offer them. There are far too many people on this planet to think you will never cross paths with the right person who will appreciate you as you are. Believing in any other false perception of yourself will only re-enforce the fear of being emotionally hurt. When you do encounter another potential mate, you may misinterpret some of their behavior(s) as a warning and react according to your own fear of going through another heartbreak, except you will not be aware that you are literally punishing another innocent human being for what someone else did to you as well as punishing yourself. This is called an unrealistic fear. Unrealistic fears create  Unconscious Walls (See “Something to think about: Walls were Made to be Broken”).

Once you have distinguished the unrealistic fears on your list, all that should be left are the realistic ones.  A realistic fear is a fear of facing unpleasant consequences tomorrow due to lack of preventive actions today. Realistic fears have a legitimate purpose because we are aware of what needs to be done to control the desired outcome. Examples of this would be the student who neglects to study for an exam will likely fail the exam, or the spouse who is unfaithful in their marriage is likely to become divorced, and so on.

But what if a realistic fear originated from observing the consequences of someone else’s actions? Stereotyping is a common mistake when deciding what we want out of life and what we think of other people, places, and things. For example; there are some students who believe just because other students have struggled with an exam or a class and failed miserably that it also means they themselves will experience the same fate no matter what. Without ever considering what factors the other students have purposely contributed to cause their own failure, it is much easier for those students to just assume the exam and/or class is the problem and it is best to avoid the situation altogether.  The same principle goes for some people who are against marriage, although they have never been married and really have no legitimate reason to be against it.  They assume ALL marriages are doomed to fail because of the failed ones they have observed and the horror stories they have heard, therefore, they assume marriage in general is a bad idea and avoid it regardless of how much they desire it.  Having a feeling of inadequacy about your own ability to succeed in any area of your life based on someone else’s failure is a sure way to guarantee your own failure from the start. By deliberately avoiding situations only because you fear they will turn out to be the same like someone else’s, you have created a realistic fear. Realistic fears based on an illogical personal belief system creates Conscious Walls (See “Something to think about: Walls were Made to be Broken”). 

In conclusion, Unconscious Walls are primarily based on unrealistic fears of the unknown, and Conscious Walls are primarily based on realistic fears of an illogical reality.

So now that you have a clear understanding of how Conscious and Unconscious Walls are made, I want to ask this question again:

Which wall was made to be broken?

The answer should be pretty easy now…. 😉

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (Part 2)

I’m assuming most of you have already read my previous blog entitled “Something to think about: Walls Were Made To Be Broken”. If not, please do go back and read it. It will help you understand what this blog is all about…

For those of you who have read it, hopefully you have a clear understanding of the difference between a Conscious and Unconscious Wall and have taken the time to do a self-evaluation to see whether or not your walls can be distinguished between the two. Naturally in order to do this, you have to be completely honest with yourself, and that can be pretty rough. I’m sure we all would like to think we are free and clear of any character flaws, but the truth of the matter is, we are not. All of us have some sort of wall built around our hearts and minds, whether we want to admit it or not. We may not have been aware of that wall’s existence, how it got there, or even how long it’s been there.

Not sure if you have a wall?

Make a list of your fears. Be honest.

Next, make a list of how you address, or don’t address, those fears. Be honest.

Still not clear yet? Note: Be honest.

The first step in identifying which wall was created to be demolished all goes back to what I said earlier… you have to be completely honest with yourself. Any self-evaluation or soul-searching is going to require complete honesty, no matter how painful it may feel. You need to know the truth. Without truth, there can be no remedy. Without a remedy, there can be no demolition…

Remember: 2013 is all about the year for creating a better Y.O.U.

So go, go now, and get busy writing that fear list so you can move on to the next highly recommended step…

(To be continued)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine