What Type of Cereal are You Dating?

“Cereal Daters” , or serial dater, is a term I like to describe as being a person who dates with no real purpose. They do not measure their relationships in terms of longevity; they only date a person long enough to get what they want out of them, and move on to the next. To put it lightly, these people think of dating as a their job. In fact, it is a job.  It is a job to them because it is actually a lot of work to live a lie along with covering up their real identity for fear of being exposed. It is even harder for the serial dater if they live in a small town; means their chances of finding fresh victims is even slimmer if they have a tarnished reputation.

Most of these serial daters have similar traits to cereal brands. Here are just a few examples:

The Corn Flaker: The person who runs hot and cold throughout the entire duration of the relationship. One minute they’re all over you; the next minute they barely remember your name. One day they think the world of you; the next day they tell you how much they hate your guts. The flakiness is not so much as the problem as is the corny reasons for them to be this way. While you are trying to regain their attention, they play hard to get. Ever try to grab the last corn flake in a bowl full of milk that just does not seem to want to get on the spoon? It is frustrating after a while. The same principle applies to trying to grab the attention of the Corn Flaker; after a while, you will get tired of the “catch me if you can” games they like to play.

The Lucky Charmer: Have you ever met a person who appears too good to be true? Well, you know the saying; chances are it probably is too good to be true. These daters have a sick fetish for charming the heck out of their victims. They try to give the impression that you are so lucky to have them in your life, but in reality, they really have nothing to offer. Some of the things they say about themselves are so “colorful”, just like the Lucky Charms cereal itself, that even they begin to believe their own lies. The next thing you know, they’re running off trying to use their “magic” on someone else.

The Trix-ster: These silly rabbits act just like kids when dating. Do not expect anything more than a bunch of pointless mind games from them. After about a week of this, you will begin to wonder if they have not literally transformed into a real bunny when they begin gnawing on their bottom lip with their two front teeth during one of their outrageous temper tantrums over trivial matters. They hop from one game to the next, with little or no break in between, and you can never tell which game will pop up next. When they think you about to call them on their games, they try locating the nearest hole in the ground to escape their well-deserved wrath. During their retreat, they begin working on the minds of other prospective victims. Usually, these tricksters prefer dating someone significantly younger than them; the less experienced their victims are, the better chance of getting away with their mind games.

The Fruit Looper: They love drama, and seem to feel better about themselves as long as there is always some dramatic situation going on. They love the “save me! save me!” games. Once a problem is solved, they tend to go seek out another way to get themselves into trouble again; like one continuous loop. They search for people who seemed to have their life in order; kind, generous victims, who are willing to lend them a helping hand. Of course, there is nothing wrong with helping someone out, but the moment you begin to realize your help is fruitless on these people, you yourself will become depressed and discouraged trying to shed some light on this person’s life who always seems to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Once they have realized they are getting close to exhausting all of your resources, they follow their nose onto their next willing participant to play their savior.

This is why I like yogurt as the perfect cereal. It is good for digesting a lot of crap and flushing it out with no left-over residue…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

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