The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 5)

“All week you have been preparing for the up and coming holiday, eagerly awaiting to spend the day surrounded by your family. You look forward to reminiscing with them about the days growing up together, catching up on the happenings of those lost moments shared with one another, and renewing the bond that was once broken years ago. It has been years since you last saw your family, and this reunion brings about the most important closure on a chapter in your life that has been plaguing you for a very long time. You have shared your excitement over this anticipated event with your loved one, who seems just as happy for you as you are… at first…

The holiday has arrived. You tell your mate how excited you are that you are going over to your family’s house later that evening. Suddenly, you see a change in your mate’s temperament. They say things they know will start a fight between you two; it is as if they are purposely trying to get a rise out of you before you go. Everything they are saying has nothing to do with the holiday or the evening itself; these were actually issues that were resolved long time ago. You are confused as to why when these issues were clearly and mutually resolved are they being brought back to the surface now, as if your mate never had an understanding to begin with. They claimed they did when the first argument took place about the same issues, and now all of a sudden, they have no recollection of ever resolving them. Not only that, most of these issues never had a legitimate basis to fight about to begin with; they were all fake complaints your mate made up themselves for you to waste countless hours in the day trying to work things out with them…

The time is winding down towards the time for you to leave for your family celebration. You need to get ready and your mate seems to be deliberately drawing out this argument on purpose. The more you express how upset they are making you over their defiance in resolving the matter before you leave, the more they try to antagonize you further by being more defiant. What happened to this person’s standards they stated they had in the beginning? They once told you they hate arguing, but as time goes on, they seem to start arguments at the drop of a dime and pick the oddest of times to start one. By now, your mate has you so upset to the point where you do not want to go, but you go anyway. With your mind totally disheveled and confused by the way your mate has just acted, you dry your eyes and try to calm your nerves before you head off to be with your family…”

Sociopaths DO NOT like for you to have a loving support system, i.e. family and friends. It is hard for them to effectively mentally traumatize you and break your will when you have access to people who will surround you with love and support to counteract the damages. This is why sociopaths usually target loners, divorcees, those fresh out of a failed romantic relationships, runaways, the “new kid on the block”, the “black sheep” of the family, and so on. These are the type of people whom the sociopath zeros in on quickly because they know their circumstances might not have them thinking clearly, their defenses are low, and their options are limited as to whom they can trust to turn to for accurate advice, help, and support when the sociopath starts playing with their mind. They will try to do everything possible to tear down any bond you may have between you and another supportive individual with whom they may feel threatened by. You will notice this repeated cycle mostly at times when you and your family will be spending time together.

If the sociopath is not acquainted with your family, meaning they have no direct contact with them, they will try to compensate for not being able to manipulate them by going through you. They will try to get you confused, angry, and even furious before you intend to be in the presence of your family in hopes this will cause you to say or do something irrational and take out your frustrations on them. In turn, the sociopath wants you to look like the one responsible for causing the rift between you and your family, and will you this guilt trip against you later. In the least, the sociopath will try to make you look crazy to your family by driving you crazy. The sociopath may think by doing this, it will cause your family to inadvertently discontinue their association with you themselves. Some sociopaths have even used the tactic of forcing you to choose by saying “it’s either me or them”, or they may throw fits of rage whenever your family does something nice for

you, buys you a gift, or helps you in any way possible and vice versa. The sociopath does this to make you feel guilty for any kind of generous acts exchanged between you and your relatives, hoping you will cease in doing so for fear of the wrath that comes along with it. Remember: all of this is a way for the sociopath to control you. This is why it is very important to let your family know your doubts, concerns, and anything else you find odd about the sociopath in your life so they can be aware of the situation. This is for your protection as well as theirs.

And above all else, DO NOT LET THE SOCIOPATH ISOLATE YOU FROM ANYONE YOU ARE ALREADY CLOSE TO!

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

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8 thoughts on “The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 5)

  1. You have just described both of my stepmothers. Especially my second one. There were many times my dad called to let me know he was in town for a Chiropractic conference and would be visiting later that day. My family and I would hang around all day waiting – then disappointed when he never showed up or didn’t call to let us know he was coming – only to find out later that he’d been called home to deal with a crisis created by my stepmother.

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    • Thank you for reading, and glad this was helpful. That’s terrible of your stepmother to do that. So sorry this happened to you. At least you have closure now. Sometimes that’s not always easy in these situations…

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  2. I wish I could find a way to get my mother to read this, it’s unbelievable how uncanny it is. My sister and I have endured 10 years now of screaming and fighting, powerless as this monster controlled and defeated our beautiful mum until I fear now she won’t ever find the strength to realize what has happened to her.

    The monster waited and waited, convinced our mum to throw us both out of the house individually (me 14 and my younger sister at 16) then when we were both so angry and tired of enduring his abuse to maintain a relationship with her – he made us out like deserters and convinced her to marry him, somehow convincing her that this brought their relationship to a whole new level of loyalty, that he was now the centre of her world (actually a whole new level of control) and I feel like we’ll never get her back.

    The thing that makes me the angriest, and the reason that I mostly stay away from them both now is that I know he has also enjoyed the same effects of torture and control over my sister and I throughout the years. He has complete control over someone we dearly love and has used that in the past to control us which makes me sick.

    What do you do when he has isolated and alienated her from most people that care and anyone that is around is too scared to confront this situation and say “Hey, this is not ok”? Or they believe it is her choice and no one has a right to tell her there is anything wrong with it? I think this is so gutless, unfortunately her daughters seem to be the only people who will tell her and he has been systematically undermining us since we were 10 and 13.

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    • Hi, thanks for sharing your story. The main issue here is to break whatever hold it is this man has on your mother, and if you’re not sure what that hold is, examine what he’s providing her as a source of security for her. Is it an idealization of love? Does he pay most of her bills? Is it material things. Chances are its one of the three, but if its not, then it’s intimidation.

      For her to agree to his opinions on how she should treat her own children shows he has built an almost unbreakable bond of trust. That doesn’t necessarily mean its genuine trust, but nonetheless she still sees it that way. This also may indicate she cannot think for herself, leaving her openly vulnerable to suggestions. The only way to counteract this is by building her self-esteem in being able to make concrete decisions. I’m assuming maybe your mother was married once before or suffered some major heartbreak, and at the time when she met this man she was severely doubting her own abilities to make good judgment calls? Another trait sociopaths look for in a victim: self-doubt.

      Its really hard to say if or when your mother may snap out of the spell this man has put on her without knowing the above details. Hopefully one day, she’ll pull out of it.

      Good luck. Thanks for reading 🙂

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