How To Avoid Being Lured In

One of the most important things to understand when dealing with a sociopath/psychopath is you must know their language. You must be able to understand the meaning behind each word they speak in order to understand them. Almost everything they say has a varied meaning from the norm. They use common everyday terms to express themselves, just like anyone else, but their definitions of certain keywords and phrases are eccentrically different from its originally intended implication.

Below lists just a few phrases most sociopaths/psychopaths use when trying to lure (and keep) their victims. Under each phrase will be the real meaning behind what the phrase means for the sociopath/psychopath when it is spoken. All these phrases are familiar phrases and are spoken by the sociopath/psychopath with the intent to misguide you into believing their motives for you are pure, true, and genuine:

Here it is….

1) “I Love You
Meaning: “You give me a rush at the moment”

2) “You Love Me
Meaning: “You forego your needs to bend to my will”

3) “Trust Me
Meaning: “What a sucker!”

4) “You’re the man/woman of my life
Meaning: “You are one of a long indefinite sequence of women/men that’s also simultaneous”

5) “Mutual Fidelity
Meaning: “YOU need to be faithful to me, while I cheat on you…”

6) “Betrayal
Meaning: “You dared to disapprove of something I did, or, you disobeyed me in some respect”

7) “Mutual Commitment
Meaning: “You need to revolve everything in your life around me, and do exactly what I want”

8) “Honesty
Meaning: “My truth, or, saying whatever it takes to get me what I want at the moment”

9) “I Miss You
Meaning: “I miss the function you used to play in my life, because I’m a little bored right now…”

10) “What My Baby Wants, My Baby Gets
Meaning: “I will give you attention, flattery, and gifts until I hook you emotionally and gain your trust. Afterwards, you’re on your own!”

This last phrase, the most important most common phrase sociopaths/psychopaths use on victims more frequently than we would like to believe (or notice) is the most crucial phrase of them all to remember… a major red flag to watch for:

11) “I cheated because my (insert name here) does not satisfy me
Meaning: “…and neither will you.”

(Source: Unknown)

Bonus Tip!: Whenever you question any of the above phrases, watch them change the subject quickly. VERY quickly. They might flip through several subjects at once. This is what they mean by a “flow” when they speak. That flow is meant to distract you from thinking logically, critically, and reasonably. You will be hit with so many topics at once that you began to feel mentally overwhelmed. When we are mentally overwhelmed, we lose focus. And there it is; a distraction tactic designed perfectly by them for you.

Regardless of your response, they’re not paying one bit of attention to what you’re saying because they are too busy reading your body language to see if their distraction technique is working. They can sense this within the first few moments of your response. If they sense the new topic is not distracting enough, that is when they “zone out” and begin thinking of another topic that seemed to pull a more desired response from you. Usually, they will choose a subject that was never settled during an earlier confrontation in order to cause confusion over getting you to think about not only one, but two unresolved issues at once now. Keyword here: distraction.

Another method they may use will be to focus on some insignificant word in what you have said, such as one that can be understood to have more than one meaning, and will try to start a debate about that particular word’s instead of the meaning of the entire sentence. Their game of confusion begins, until you are frustrated with trying make them understand the definition of the word, you begin to lose focus on the point you were trying to make. Again, this is a form of distraction.

Be safe, be careful, be alert…

ยฉ2013 Learus Ohnine

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23 thoughts on “How To Avoid Being Lured In

  1. Watch their actions, don’t listen to their words. Keep in mind also that the best indication of what future behavior will be is what their past behavior was. Giving them a “second chance” (repeatedly) keeps you hooked, and doubting yourself, your own intuition. Listen to your gut. Don’t deal with them in a vacuum, look at their “friends” and “family” and if something doesn’t compute–RUN as fast and as far as you can.

    If someone treats others badly they will also treat you badly. Protect yourselves from the “love bomb” which is how cults recruit new members and once they are hooked the CONTROLLING begins.

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  2. Such an amazing post. These phrases were spot on with my relationship with a female sociopath.

    My heart started beating really fast when I compare your phrases, to ones found in our text conversations! She had impeccable timing! Providing the drip I needed at a perfect rate.

    If any others are going through this, I’d be glad to lend an ear. Just happened to me.

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    • Hi Jack, I believe my son is living with someone that is like this. She is 14 years older than him and I’m so worried for him. They just had a child together and they are engaged. I need to warn him, but fear I will lose him completely. He is 24. I feel he has been “brainwashed” in a sense. I have this awful feeling. Can you offer me some advise? Thank you,

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      • Hi Pam, my opinion is the best way to handle your situation at this point would be to be on standby and ready to be as supportive as you can, just in case. Best wishes and thanks for visiting ๐Ÿ™‚

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  3. This is a post that I made a few hours ago on reddit. I can’t help reading about sociopaths, for the last few days. That’s how I found this site.
    ——

    I’m interested in hearing about other people’s experience in dealing with their ex girlfriend/boyfriend with strong B personality traits like Bi Polar Disorder, Narcissism or Sociopathy. This is like a postmortem follow up to another thread I posted while I was discovering the truth: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ixd61/28m_my_girlfriend_23f_has_abruptly_stopped/%5B1%5D from a few weeks ago. I had been updating that thread as some kind of diary.
    Based on elevating senses of dishonesty, I finally became aware 100% of a secret life she was living – that I could never have believed under any other circumstance, this past Monday.
    She was the sweetest girl in the world. We were soul mates – had everything in common. We couldn’t believe how alike we were. We liked to do the same things, had similar personality types, interacted with people the same way, had fun the same ways. She always knew exactly what to say to make me want her. Our sex life was beyond phenomenal, never had I had a sexual relationship like this. We traveled together, we had future plans together, she asked about my insecurities, and she revealed hers (I thought). We never had a fight.
    I should have known this was too good to be true.
    I’m a fairly intelligent person. Emotionally and logically. She is too, which is another reason I loved her so much. I moved away for work, and we were travelling to see each other every couple of weekends. 1 month on, 1 week off, etc.
    Every time she was “with her girlfriends”, she was with her other boyfriend. They lived together when she was out of town. Just like she lived with me. I wouldn’t have believed it – but I had physical access to her history. Emails, texts, photos, everything, going back for a full 12 months. Almost every single thing she ever told me about her life was a complete fabrication. When she was working, where she was, who she was with, her past with her family, where she has traveled to, etc, etc. In every single situation she was away, she was in another guy’s bed. While she was laying by my side, it was revealed that she was texting another guy “I love you”. When she was away, in another guy’s bed – she would be texting me “I love you”.
    I found this information out Monday morning, because she slipped up. I outsmarted her – and I know she’s embarrassed by that. I feel that she always thought she was smarter than everyone. She accidentally logged into her gmail account on my Android (global login), because she lost her phone the day prior. She never figured out / forgot to change the lock settings – like she would normally do.
    I confronted her after a night & morning of repeated sex. I got up after sex to use the washroom, and picked up my phone (the one she as borrowing for a day), only to see an entire secret life be revealed. I asked her “Do you have anything to tell me?” “Do you think I’m stupid?” “Tell me one bad thing you’ve ever done to me”. “Tell me one truthful thing about your life right now”. Every single query, was met with the same answer from her: “What do you know? What did you see? Tell me what you think you saw. Tell me what’s going on. Why are you mad. What’s your problem?”.
    I would have fallen for the crocodile tears. I would have fallen for the “baby baby come talk”, I would have. If I didn’t have the factual evidence right in my hands.
    I told her, come clean right this second – about ANYTHING in her life, or she gets the fuck out. This went back and forth for an hour “Tell me what you know” “I can explain, what did you see”, “Tell me anything that’s truthful”, etc. Eventually, I literally threw her belongings outside, on the lawn, told her to get the fuck out. I told her I”m not a doormat, and I’m not dumb, and get the fuck out this instant.
    Right until the bitter end – she was literally lying to me dead in the eyes, crying on the curb – expressing how honest she was, and how she has never done anything untruthful to me.
    This is like something out of a fiction. She is so sexy, so deceiving, any man would believe her word. I almost did, even with the evidence in hand. I can’t imagine that a person like this can exist.
    I’ve been spending the last few days since it happened, reading about personality disorders, and such. She fits the description of a BPD / Siocopath perfectly. It is apparent she would spend the day having sex with me, and an hour later be in another man’s bed doing the same, setting up the next time to come back to visit.
    I know she didn’t expect me to kick her out like that. She was so desperate for me to tell her what I knew – that was all she had, so she could twist facts. The fact that I refused to disclose what I knew gave me all the power! I was very clever in the moment! Before starting, I even got my house keys, and car keys back and everything – as some kind of instinct. I protected myself very well.
    But here I am. Emotionally scarred, I thought we were going to spend our lives together. It’s clear I was just an emotional provider for her. I was a tap, just like all the others. By this time, she has already run to her others for that emotional need.
    Following the confrontation on Monday, I called her other boyfriend. I told him everything. I sent him every email ever. He still refuses to believe me, but that’s ok. Apparently they’ve been together for 4 years! I told him I can’t imagine the abuse she must have put him under. I also told him I don’t care what he thinks of me, and that one day he’ll know the truth. It felt good telling the truth. I can’t live with lies.
    Does anyone else want to share their stories? How did you recover? Regain your self-identity? I’ve been through many breakups, and I know the routine. I’m no doormat. Gym, friends, etc, doing all of that. I just never had a connection (although apparently fake) before, and it’s hard to shake.
    Thanks. I’d love to anyone else going through the same thing, about their own situation!
    TLDR: Broke up with my BPD/N/S girlfriend, and having trouble coping with my loss.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your story. All I can say is…Incredible! I’m glad you were able to dissolve this union in time before things progressed further. Many people have not been so fortunate…

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      • You’re welcome. Thanks for the post.

        I am lucky to have gotten out. Knowing how much I hurt right now – I couldn’t imagine the abuse of being in a marriage with someone like this!

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        • The more you accept the facts, the sooner you will heal. People like this envy those of us who can feel, who have feelings, and who are not quitters. As long as you stay within the reality of the situation, you’ll be fine. Soon you’ll see there’s no reason to hurt over someone that is not real. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • Well, I was told that my second husband was a sociopath by his son! It has been almost a year since he said that to me. this is a second marriage. Of course you do not want to believe it. First of all, you don’t want it to be true. You want your life to be better than that, right? So now I know that it is true…can you still love them? Recent circumstances has put us living apart..off and on..mostly off for 3 out of the almost ten years that we have been together. That in itself has allowed me to become stronger. Now, facing the fact that he is a sociopath is actually making me feel better and giving me power…but here is the kicker. I am making arrangements out of necessity to again live with him on a daily basis under one roof. Scary, huh? Of course, he crippled me financially but i have a speck left to purchase a condo in my name. He has been working for the past 5 years paying the bills….We have a lot to talk about. i am so happy for you Jack that it all came to light like it did…like you said, you would never have believed it. Running out of time now…but i will be back.

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    • Wow! Im going through it now. Ive been with this man for 9 ,years and saw the signs but didnt have any proof but last monday at his mothers funeral i found out he has a child with someone else while in a relationship with me. I have been reading about the sciopath and hefits perfectly. I wish i could kill him. It hurts that our relationship was a lie. We even got engaged in my birthday in may. Im sick. I wish a car would run him over

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      • I’m so sorry. I understand that these revelations may be painful, but do know your road to recovery starts when you begin to understand that none of what happened to you was your fault.
        Thanks for reading. Best wishes to you. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  5. A poem about my sociopath/psychopath Hi i am Michelle #+*# .I fantasize I’m a powerful witch.
    But really deep within Iโ€™m just a chicken shit sick little bitch and only practiced at the art of deception to avoid detection .
    But thatโ€™s only a minor glitch as you will see !
    I am the self-made consummate victim and you the villain.
    I loath myself so all must pay ! I feel so empty but yet full of hate
    I am just an empty shell but will tell you I’m great.
    I lie I cheat and steal with the greatest of ease like a slimy eel.
    if youโ€™re my mate you will ask far too much
    of my arrested child like state .
    you must be a fool
    if you think you are of any use to me other than a tool .
    ill pry and manipulate my way into your heart
    and suck your soul dry for i have not one myself
    and ill blame you for all my evil ways it will always be you !
    never me . If I say “I love you ” translation “you have something I need or want nothing more ” If you ever see behind my mask of sanity
    then watch out you should not have done that !
    and how dare you try and call me on my bullshit
    I will act so in dignified like a rat at the drop of a hat
    and go into the wildest rage , even tho I just turned some trixxxs to get my fix . Once i even got paid 40 bucks to pee on some guy
    while i left my infant in his crib a couple floors down
    no big deal we lived in the good part of town
    new Westminster ,
    oh there is so much more but you don’t want hear it
    trust me I’m a pig and up for any gig I’ve even pulled a train
    if there was something small to gain
    and it would fill my rig ! Ain’t that classy , yep that’s me
    just ask around the seedier parts of town
    I am legend I have no bounds !!!
    I will try and destroy you and stab in the back
    then paint you black
    never to your face ,
    well sometimes i will in a psychotic rage while professing I’ve turned a new page !
    No one is safe not even my son . I’m such a disgrace !
    I will threaten to run him and i into a pole
    so we could always be together and get my way ,
    as opposed to see him happy
    and doing well away from my evil toxic spell
    (what is that not a good Christmas tidings ?
    It shows my devout love wouldn’t you do that to show it ? ) what a beautiful reunion after 4 years away I don’t know why he does not come more often And want to stay . I even tried to falsely accuse his father of molesting him , that did not work cause he ran away from me , beat down and tired of my shit to live with him right into the hands of a monster but really it was all me but that ill try and cover by saying he is gay , I always have an answer for Everything I believe it so should you !!! Once In a church stairwell I shit in a plastic bag and showed it to my Forman , “look what you made me do ! And was fired from Ansan Oh well their loss they where just assholes like all the rest that fired me in disgusts and mistrust , did they not know I require and should have my own porta potty on site , it’s my favourite place to hide from prying eyes to puff and snort and get into full distort . Ta da out comes super woman the pride of all my employers
    Im so sick you can’t even imagine ,
    You measly mortals !
    Projection and deflection is all part of my game
    while I’m dolling out fear blame and shame .
    I pretend to be human through mimicry and trickery
    I fake i have true emotion
    but that always turns into a full blown commotion . I will pretend to be your dearest trustworthy friend , sell you drugs then turn you in , I always get a kick out of that little trick ,and I win cause it takes the heat off of me Hehe I’m a rat a snitch the ultimate two faced bitch !
    I can turn on a tear although not sincere
    and make you go “Awwhh dear ”
    and as quick as it will appear I will be at the helm ready to steer.
    And if I feel youโ€™re not quite convinced
    I can even make my bottom lip quiver
    and that should surely send a shiver
    down your spine and to your core
    but i have no worries I’ve done this many a time before
    and ill laugh cause you’ve just been had !
    and ill even throw in a sniffle at just the right moment
    that took some effort and a while to learn ,
    cause i sniffle a lot and its not from snot
    its for another reason that i get from pleasin
    and it gives me a bit of a burn but thatโ€™s not of consequence
    cause it gets me so hot and ready to trot and on my game !
    Thank you ,thank you I would like to thank the academy ,
    Me Myself and I
    For this oscar for best drama queen of this century
    I have no real talent but that I can disguise
    because I know how to use guys ,
    a con you may say that’s right you are all just my prey .
    Really try not to take it personally
    its all just part of my pathology
    I have done this to all before you and will to all after you
    till my last breath .
    I pretend to be sorry and sincere but really it all has to be all about me .
    If I say I give you my love you better hope you wore a glove !
    Ill tell you I’m Heathy even tho Im not
    but who cares its your problem now !
    I deceived you its your fault you stupidly believed me .
    I think I’m so smart but Really I’m just a bitter stupid tart ,
    a narcissistic sociopath abomination you could say !
    but its your fault I warned you all with my shitty ways and power plays ,
    but i convinced you you needed to play .
    I’m a hopeless case can’t you SEE !
    but please waste your time on me .
    I am a cold blooded reptile a chameleon of sorts
    with worse poisons and venom than a deadly snake
    and when I bite my victims they will go into shock
    and never have suspected it,
    cause I was sucking their cock

    the ultimate predator I am ! As miss Jekyll & Hyde
    I rage like rabbid animal that should be locked in cage
    Maximum security for all of eternity
    Its the only thing really safe for the rest of humanity .
    I want to die but i don’t have the guts
    so instead I kick everyone down and in the nuts !
    I know I am hated for the evil I’ve done
    I feel their ghosts expecting a reckoning and waiting
    in the dark patiently and it will come for sure
    cause for me there is no cure .
    ‘ so I cry wolf when none are around
    to stupid to understand I look like the clown !
    I know its really sick but it usually does the trick
    Blame blame blame
    I’m just the poor psychopath who else can I blame
    and try and shame !
    I love causing people pain it’s always to my gain
    and gives me the power to feel sane .
    To keep me off your back cut me some slack
    to consume some crack ,
    meth or whatever and ease my hidden pain
    remember I have other pawns to please to keep them on their knees
    it’s all about keepin control as I’m puffin from my bowl
    knowin just the right amount of my minimal self to dole out
    to keep them in control and attract is a fine balancing act
    all tried true cause it will work on you too
    Hehe . You really should at all cost refrain from trying
    To peek inside my brain that will only be the binging of your pain
    and launch another covert attack behind your back
    that i have been doing all along,
    basically since We first met , But i mix it with some glee ,
    so it makes it hard to see !
    Do you believe in monsters ? I’m here to tell you yes they are real
    And you better believe I am the real deal
    and if you doubt it you will see and be my next meal.
    So please buy my crap so I can spring my trap
    And if you treat me like gold i will know you are primed for my scold
    I can spin a web lies and deceit thicker and quicker than cotton candy at a fair
    to keep you off your feet ,And feeling total despair
    For I am a queen with a scheme a virus a prioress a purveyor of all that’s unhealthy darkness and doom so lets go spoon
    that will make it all seem alright for its your nite to Be with me
    Ill throw you a small bone slink off of my throne
    and into my true position of power so I can easily and totally devour
    your soul hehe . you can never win so just except the spin .
    I will tell you I’m your baby doll
    while in the same breath setting you up for a fall .
    I am vulgar crude rude and vile
    what else would you expect from satans child . It’s
    not that I’m real good looking I’m not !
    or have great cooking its a smoke and mirrors illusion
    that I believe you will need to feed
    so with a sleazy smile a twitch of my lips a wiggle of my hips
    that sometimes will beguile
    at least for a little while
    and a promise of pleasure look is usually all it took
    to sink my talons and hook.
    I am a seething fire breathing modern day Jezebel
    straight out of hell .
    I will not appreciate you any more if you do any nice
    or just try to suffice or help me out of a jam
    cause watch out BAM , I will devalue ,
    discard your efforts behind your back
    and even right to your face you’ll reel from that attack ,
    for how can I play the victim if i showed some grace ,
    but ill keep it all just the same cause you are to blame .
    I have never taken any responsibility for anything
    for that would add legitimacy to all of this .
    Have you ever seen a three dollar bill ?
    Yes a phoney that’s me but ill traKde you one for a chonie .
    Ill never let you relax as you will always feel me trying to cover my tracks
    its really quite plain it’s all part of the game
    to make us the same insane
    and if you try and escape my metal rape
    then will begin my campaign of smear .
    I’ve loaded the deck and cast my toxic spell
    you’ll be lucky if you can murmur “What the hell ” watch out for my pit
    I am A fem fatale or of that kind of sort as history calls it ,
    Its really just for sport a game to cause pain .
    I will threaten you with legions that i do not have !
    really I’m an army of none it’s all just fluff and a bluff
    I have no friends cause I’ve fucked them all over
    and who needs them any way they just piss me off and are a nuisance
    with their whining and wants .
    And if i sense you are getting wise and have allies that will listen
    and advise rest assured I will stir up some shit and sever those ties
    in a web with plenty of lies
    I will have got to them long before you with your S.O.S call in distress
    Dint you know a apex predator always separates its prey from the rest
    of the flock ? And I am the master and I’m in it to win it !
    and you’ve never dealt with anything quite as special ,
    cold and bold and as evil as me
    it will be so astonishingly hard to believe and fathom
    the depths of my trickery you’ll see hehe.
    If i have my way and don’t get caught
    ill make it so you are never heard from again washed away
    like a turd in a swamp
    I’ve done that before But shush that’s another real big secret
    but like a cat I always land on my feet for 20 + years
    I’ve gotten away with that hehe .
    I do have fears cause over the years
    my looks have defiantly diminished
    can I still hunt with only a cunt ?
    thats all i can offer , only druggies ,boozers and losers might bite
    not much to profit ,
    much like Charlotte I sit in my web a bed ,
    And will just fade away while playing the perfect harlot.
    I pray but to who I’ve play both sides so who will listen
    now I’ve sold my soul
    And now I’m nothing but a pathetic ugly little troll .
    I hope its all not finished . Ive wasted my life but have pasted that price
    on all of you. Well enough about me thats part of the list
    you get the jyst and some of you have already figured it out
    it pegs me to a tee ,
    a parasite a tick a flea a vamp a tramp on a uncontrolled feeding spree
    of the backs of society much like a scabie a cancer a blight
    you cant really fight or see
    and if your smart you’ll be on the next flight away from me
    and my plight of toxicity and free. ! thank heavens I’m somewhat of a rare anomaly. And when you emerge from the fog ill have you so exhausted and cut down like a log , shell shocked from all the toxicity .
    And ill say ha ha honey wasn’t that funny
    it made me laugh to see and inflict you with pain do you want to play again ?
    Its all part of a riddle a dilution designed to cause confusion
    that will have you stuck in the middle somewhere
    between tomorrow and yesterday
    thats why i do it and i know you will still want to screw it ,
    all the while thinking I’m capable of change if you just give more ,
    chasing that elusive pie in the sky that does exist within me
    but occasionally ill show you a glimpse at the right Time all nice with a shine
    You poor thing you must so tired an weary
    for a second ill pretend to care and from this point on
    it will get quite scary opportunistic and terroristic ,
    I have you hooked hehe . so tell me a only a little about you ,
    cause i don’t really care its only about warfare ,
    its all i will need so i can plant my seed.
    I have the ability to read people like a book and present my self
    as your fairytale for a while
    but that with soon become your worst fucking nightmare of epic proportion !
    My greatest fear and need
    is to hide and not be discovered
    for then how would i feed if they ever recovered .
    But i like attention its part of my plea
    but that draws attention kinda a paradox you see
    What can I do but sit in fear when the end draws near
    this is my big secret not yours Everything is mine
    and i want to take to my grave
    and if you have put it all together
    and have gotten away
    I will even have the audacity to say
    good luck finding someone that can love
    And treat you as good and as much me !
    good lord you could only fucking hope not
    even tho we are somewhat rare.
    please don’t tell anyone cause I need to feed !
    and i already know I’m in for some real hot and Nasty weather
    I’m so sad and empty , God , lucifer is there anybody out there for me.
    NO But I will see rest assured it will not be full of glee , for I have not one
    Redeeming quality with in me . Now that I’ve told you who I really am this should be my Eulogy hehe

    The End

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  6. Oh my lord!!! Hahaha I have read about 5 books on psychopathy. This whore psychopath tricked me into believing she was a good woman, had me marry her and then she left me, you all know the drill by now. Funny thing is: she always used that tactic about fighting because I said a word that could mean different things. She did this to change subject and create confusion and then blame me for saying something “rude”. It is amazing how these people all work the same way… If you notice these things in your partner and they make you feel empty inside at times PLEASE RUN NOW, nothing will get better, they will destroy you like you have no idea!!!

    Like

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