Preconceptions of Beauty

The first thing we notice whenever we meet someone is their appearance; their facial features, their hair style, their make-up (if any), and their complexion. All of these characteristics combined together determine whether or not we find that person physically appealing. So much pressure is put on men as well as women nowadays to conform to what society deems as handsome and/or beautiful in order to get noticed. Why? Because beauty implies having access to the best of the best in terms of friends, lovers, and careers. Beauty implies receiving special treatment, being judged more favorably in spite of the circumstances, and attaining power and status quickly… all based on looks.

But really, is that not all just a bunch of clichés?

When the cute and cuddly 15-year-old Paris Jackson, the daughter of deceased pop rock musician Michael Jackson, confessed to being a victim of bullying in school as one of her reasons for attempting suicide, one would assume this beautiful young woman would have no struggles in her life thanks to a good gene pool mixture. The notion of someone as gorgeous as this little girl breaking down from being the target of ridicule is absolutely preposterous to think of as real, since it would appear that her beauty would be enough on its own to keep her immune from such psychological torment. Or better yet, an attractive young lady like her could pull off acquiring the largest support system of friends with ease, eagerly willing to throw themselves on the front line for her to fight against any adversity that comes her way. Or what about the fact that she is extremely beauty; who in their right mind would believe the notion of a beautiful girl like her would ever be a bullied victim?

Unfortunately, this notion is real, and believable. Those clichés are without a doubt debunked. Contrary to popular belief, beauty does not always have the benefits of favoritism.

Norma Jeane Mortenson, famously known as Marilyn Monroe, was named one of the most beautiful actresses in American culture in the 1950’s. The public envied her gorgeous blonde locks, her charming personality, and voluptuous curves, all of which catapulted her to becoming one of the biggest sex symbols during this era. She managed to charm three highly desirable husbands most women could only dream of marrying, and also managed to drive these desirable husbands away. Little did anyone know what was really underneath that enduring smile of hers; a tortured soul with a tortured past. With all the world at her feet and more, it’s safe to say even her beauty wasn’t sufficient enough to save her from the demons that drove her to an early grave…

On an even more grizzlier stereotyping scale, assuming the best in a person based on their looks has been known in the past to be a “deadly” mistake. Anna Marie Hahn, nicknamed “The Beautiful Blonde” serial killer by the press in the mid 1930’s, had a pleasant appearance and the sweetest most comforting smile that any of her elderly victims had ever seen before. Her charming demeanor added to her beauty, which is what she used to her malicious advantage when offering to care for the generous elderly men on their death beds. These dying elderly men in turn compensated her for her services by means of a financial inheritance after their deaths. Anna claimed to be a nurse, although she had no formal training, and also dubbed herself as “an angel of mercy”, claiming it was her duty to poison these elderly men in order to speed up the process of their natural death. By the time it was all said and done, Anna had murdered fifteen elderly men, whom died in agony from being induced with four different types of poisons, mainly being large quantities of arsenic and croton oil.

The truth of the matter is: beauty holds no real value in society. Even beauty has its inner psychological struggles. It has its relationship problems. It has its self-esteem issues. Beauty is a byproduct of what we take for granted. We live in a world today where people are quick to judge a book by its cover but slow to listen closely to what those words inside are really trying to tell us…

©2013 Learus Ohnine

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The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 4)

“You two have just had what seemed like the argument of a lifetime. You are totally devastated by what you have just heard come out of your partner’s mouth. Your partner has just blamed you for something you have no clue of. They are This is the same partner that has always seemed so sensible about communication, stating that they prefer to resolve disagreements as soon as they happen to avoid unnecessary confusion. Now that you have done everything within your power to explain your side of the situation to them, they refuse to listen nor do they seem to want to be corrected. The more you try to correct them, the louder they speak. Then all of a sudden, they hung up the phone quicker than you could have a chance to react.

You try to call them back repeatedly but to no avail. They do not answer, and there is no return call back from them. And so you wait, and wait, and wait for them to call you back. Still no call back. You send them text message after text message. There is no reply back from them. You began to wonder what is the problem; why have they not called you back and discussed the problem even after you have explained to them in a text message stating how wrong their facts were and that the two of you need to talk in person. You know that all this could easily be resolved IF only they would answer their phone…

Hours have passed since your last call or text message to them. A strange feeling comes over you as if something just does not seem right. Their behavior does not match up to what they said in the beginning about open communication during times of disagreements. There have been times in the past when you two have disagreed over something, and there has always be a resolution between the two of you shortly after the disagreement. But this time, they seem as if they are deliberately keeping the distance between you so that this issue cannot be resolved.

The entire day has gone by and still no return call or text message from them. Finally, the next day, they return your calls. The funny thing about this call  is… they appear as if nothing is wrong, that nothing ever happened the night before, and no argument ever took place. It is as if yesterday never existed. Confused, you ask them about the argument that happened last night and sincerely express how you would like to discuss it. They respond with a nonchalant ‘oh that, that’s water under the bridge. Let’s talk about something else’, and proceed to carry on about their plans for the day, ask you what yours are, and abruptly end the call with a promise to call you back later. They hang up the phone before you even had a chance to say goodbye.

Weeks go by and you start to notice a pattern with this. You notice they always seem to bring up discussions that they know will cause an argument between the two of you, and then abruptly hang up the phone with no return call until the next day. You notice even when you try to stop the argument from escalating, they deliberately carry on until the argument ends with them hanging up the phone and not contacting you until the next day. You also notice which day of the week this always seems to take place: on a Friday and/or Saturday night.”

 

 

 

No, you are not losing your mind. Your partner is. The sociopath uses this diversion tactic as a way to have no contact with you. For whatever reason they cannot use their phone to speak to you, using the “I’m too angry to talk to you” excuse is the only way out of having to answer when you call. It also leaves an open space for them to insert lies about their whereabouts.

I have heard several reasons as to why they deliberately want to have no contact by phone on the weekends, however, the main reason was because they were with another woman (or man, depending on the circumstances). Notice your partner’s use of their cell phone whenever you are around them. Is the ringer always off? Is the phone hidden out of sight? Do they answer the phone when it rings? If they do not answer the phone when it rings whenever you are around them, chances are this is the same reason why they do not answer the phone whenever you call them. Big clue there.

 

 

 

 

Keep in mind this scenario does not necessarily have to only take place on the weekends alone. It could happen at anytime of the day or night on any given day, depending on when they are planning on indulging on whatever it is they are being secretive about. If the reason why they are acting oddly is because they are having sex with another woman or man behind your back, that would explain why they cannot answer their phone or make contact with you until that other woman or man is out of their presence for obvious reasons; they are lying to you and that person at the same time. They may not be having sex at all; just the fact that they are in the presence of someone with whom you may disagree with is probable cause for them to avoid answering their phone. Also, note their behavior when the two of you finally do make contact after an argument. If they appear joyful as if nothing ever happened, that is because they feel their plan worked; they have gotten away with whatever it is they wanted to get away with. If they feel their plan worked, be expecting them to use this tactic whenever they want to spend time with another woman (or man).

 

Eeeeeeek!

 

woman-going-crazy

 

 

Most sociopaths try to make you think you are the one that is losing your mind by pretending the argument never happened, or, it was not that much of a big deal to resolve as they made it seem like it was when it happened. They do this for two reasons:

 

  1. At some point, they really do hope you will lose your mind trying to keep up with them. Remember: control equals power to them. If you are constantly distracted with thoughts of trying to figure them out, you will not be focused in your daily activities. You may make careless mistakes, miss important appointments, or just seem lethargic all time and not really caring to take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You may even start making silly mistakes, saying odd or weird things to people, or even worse, develop a sense of paranoia. The sociopath will use this against you. They will take your faults and use them to belittle you, attack your self-esteem by over-emphasizing your mistakes, and will manipulate the opportunity to implant false impressions into your mind that you need them in order to function properly. They may even point out your mistakes to make it look like they defending themselves each time you catch them in a lie to give the impression you are much worse as a person than they are. 
  2. As I have stated in my previous article The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 2)  and The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3) , sociopaths are masters as avoidance because they fear the truth. By not giving you closure on things they have done to you, they are affecting your psyche in ways that even you may not be able to decipher (see my article Something To Think About: Walls Were Made To Be Broken (part 1) ). If they can successfully manage to crack you up, there is less chances of anyone believing you when you telling the truth about what the sociopath has done to you. If you believe you are crazy, you start acting like you really are crazy. If you start acting like you are crazy, others will see you this way also. If the sociopath can discredit your word, they can get away with murder.

 

And I do literally mean MURDER…

R.I.P. baby

 

 

R.I.P. baby

 

 

May they all rest in peace…

 

(to be continued…)

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3)

“You find yourself totally and completely falling in love with this person as time moves on. However, there is something erratic about their behavior that you cannot quite put your finger on but you know something is not right. One day, they seem like the life of the party around you; cheerful, helpful, and radiant in your presence. But the next day, they verbally state they hate your guts for no apparent reason at all. You may even notice them acting this way throughout an entire day; elated one minute, extremely hostile the next. Even when you two have had hardly any contact with each other at all, this behavior is still exhibited by them without cause or reason from your point of view.

So you decide to ask them what you did to upset them so much, but they cannot answer with a direct answer. They beat around the bush, they play games, they use sarcasm at inappropriate moments, they try distracting you from focusing on the question, and they may even play the ‘surrender role’ by stating things like ‘whatever you think the answer is’ or ‘take a guess why I’m acting this way’. The more you try to get to the bottom of the problem, the more they try to avoid telling the truth…

Truth: something the sociopath fears because:                                

  • With truth comes exposure…
  • With exposure comes clarity…
  • With clarity come closure…
  • With closure comes direction.

 

Some say the sociopath has no fears because they have no conscious. That is not true. The sociopath fears being exposed for what they are. It does not bother their conscious when they lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you, etc., but one thing that does torment their conscious is the fear of the mask that they wear will be ripped off and the sociopath in them will be revealed. When you know the truth of what (and who) it is you are dealing with, you are able to clearly see which direction you should go: to stay or to leave. Not only do you know which direction you should go, you also know if further attention concerning your safety needs to be addressed (sociopaths despise “losing” at their games and think nothing of getting revenge so they can feel like they have “won”).

 

 

Believe it or not, the sociopath does not want you to leave, at least not until they know without a reasonable doubt that they have another victim lined up to take your place immediately after your departure. The sociopath is satisfied with you as long as you are believing their lies; it is when they think you are starting to catch on to their lies is when they begin to panic and start looking for another unsuspecting victim without delay. As long as the sociopath can keep you blinded to important facts about the relationship, they have control over how you live your life, your peace of mind, etc. Remember: they need to “feed” on the fears, the wants, and the needs of others in order to feel like they have a sense of power and control.  This is why they were so charming in the beginning so they could win your undivided affection and trust. It is no wonder why their erratic behavior is so baffling since they seemed so sincere at first, and also the main reason why they try to avoid having to answer for their monstrous behavior in the end… because they are terrified of being exposed.

 

 

(to be continued…)

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

 

Mission Impossible…Or is it?

I don’t understand the logic behind the way some people think. For instance, when I see two women fighting over a man, or vice versa (two men fighting over a woman).

What sense does it make to fight over someone who obviously has no respect for you anyway, because if they did, they would not have cheated on you in the first place?

This is just my opinion of course, but somehow or another I cannot for the life of me understand why another woman (or man) would go after someone else who was cheating with their mate without realizing that person could not do what they did without your mate’s consent. Your mate allowed it to happen, yet I hardly ever hear of the cheater getting attacked; it is always the cheater’s accomplice that gets the brunt end of the anger.

Maybe I’m just being old-fashioned, but last I heard when someone cheats on you once, chances are they will do it again. If someone cheats WITH you, chances are they will cheat ON you as well.

So honestly, what mission does one expect to accomplish by fighting over this? I get so confused when I hear people say they are going after the person who was fooling around with their mate. Going after them for what? To defend their honor over something that was never really all theirs to begin with? Or was it so that they could remind the other person who knows they were over-stepping their boundaries that they should not have… over-stepped their boundaries? Yeah. Right. I don’t get it…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine