What Would You Do If… ??

… if someone you knew was about to get involved with a sociopath, what would you do? Do you warn the person, hoping the person isn’t too far gone to realize it’s not too late to turn back around? Or do you mind your own business and hope for the best outcome?

 

For me, I can’t just sit still and watch a blind man (or woman) fall into a ditch. That’s not me.

 

However, we can never be so sure that maybe warning someone might be the cause of a disaster, whereas the warned person uses this info to their advantage to help facilitate their ulterior motive for the sociopath. That’s not me, either.

 

Although I have no romantic interest in neither the sociopath or it’s victim, there’s a part of me that will always  feel funny knowing what I know and not doing anything about it. If something tragic were to happen, I would never be able to forgive myself.

 

On the other hand, people can become highly offended when they hear the truth about someone they don’t want to think of in any other light but the way the person has presented themselves. Sociopaths, especially, get highly vindictive when they’ve been exposed. This might backfire if I try to intervene.

 

If you were in this situation, what would you do?

 

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

 

A Blast From The Past

Just had to share this thought…

(and I know you’re reading this, too…)

I recently had an encounter with an ex-lover who wanted to get back together again. I’m not against reconciliations in general. By all means, I know there are some happy endings out there for those who have tried to get back together after a break up. For me, it is not that simple. The factors that broke us up in the first place are what needs to be considered first before I would even entertain the risk of allowing this person back into my life. Needless to say, this guy had quite a few irreconcilable factors working against him.

For one, I cannot stand cheaters. That, to me, is the most appalling, unnecessary, and sickening thing anyone can be. The thought of swapping germs with some stranger because your lover slept with them behind your back and has now passed their DNA on to you is so nauseating to me. I do not tolerate any excuses or reasons for cheating since I am not a cheater myself. I do not see the logic in it. I do not search for the logic in it, neither.

(Cheating is one of those deal breakers that is not acceptable as far as I am concerned. All it takes is one time, and I am done with you. No exceptions. No “oops it was an accident” alibi will be accepted. Accidents are things such as slipping on a banana peel or a patch of ice and falling. How does one accidentally slip and fall into a vagina?? Seriously?!)

Second, I cannot tolerate liars. Lies destroy any chances of me ever trusting you, even if it is a “white lie” or “small” lie when it comes to getting to know a potential lover. For me, ALL lies are dark and big in regards to relationships! Lies prevent a good, solid foundation of trust from ever forming in a relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship. You would just be a waste of my time.

Third, I do not tolerate games. I expect romance games to come from a teenager, not a x-something year old man. Find some other substantial way to get my attention or to see how I feel about you, otherwise, you can expect my interest dwindle down to zilch very quickly. Hey I have a brilliant idea; why not try ASKING ME DIRECTLY? Oh wait, you did try that when we were together, but you thought I was playing games. Now I see why; because you were playing them all along. That’s just crazy. The word “paranoid” comes to mind, and rightfully so. What goes around certainly does come back around, but I can assure you it will not be by me. Period.

Third, do not try to come back into my life just as jacked up as you were when I got you out of it. Remember, I know you well, probably better than you know yourself, and can tell when you are about to lie to me well before you can fix your mouth to say it. Your morals, principles, and standards have not changed. In fact, you never had any; it is kind of hard to fix something you never had in the first place. All that will end up happening if we did get back together is we will end up right back at square one again-broken up. And probably within the first date or two. Again, a waste of time.

Fourth, I cannot stand two-faced people; grinning in my face while you speak horrific things about another person, then going to that same person grinning in their face speaking horrific things about me to them. That is just too girly of a trait to have as a man as far as I am concerned, not to mention childish and immature. Behavior like that also makes me question whether or not if you really are a heterosexual, also. To be honest, I still do wonder…

In closing, if you do not ever hear from me again, you now know why. In case you are still in a fog as to why, I will put it to you as simply this: I do not like emotional rollercoasters. You were the worst ride anyone has ever taken me on in my life; a bunch of senseless drops, turns, and twists that had no logical point to them other than for your own sadistic, sick and twisted entertainment. I do not wish to ride that coaster again. I have learned quite a bit while on your ride, and I can say I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from it all and the precious wisdom I have gained as a result of those lessons. Ironically, your mess turned into my treasure…the hard way, yet, in the most profitable of ways that has taken me to places and introduced people into my life that I would have probably never met otherwise.

So save the speeches about how things will be different this time around, because I am the one who really has changed although you haven’t. I am not the risk-taker you once knew.

Still wishing you all the best. Have a nice life 🙂

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3)

“You find yourself totally and completely falling in love with this person as time moves on. However, there is something erratic about their behavior that you cannot quite put your finger on but you know something is not right. One day, they seem like the life of the party around you; cheerful, helpful, and radiant in your presence. But the next day, they verbally state they hate your guts for no apparent reason at all. You may even notice them acting this way throughout an entire day; elated one minute, extremely hostile the next. Even when you two have had hardly any contact with each other at all, this behavior is still exhibited by them without cause or reason from your point of view.

So you decide to ask them what you did to upset them so much, but they cannot answer with a direct answer. They beat around the bush, they play games, they use sarcasm at inappropriate moments, they try distracting you from focusing on the question, and they may even play the ‘surrender role’ by stating things like ‘whatever you think the answer is’ or ‘take a guess why I’m acting this way’. The more you try to get to the bottom of the problem, the more they try to avoid telling the truth…

Truth: something the sociopath fears because:                                

  • With truth comes exposure…
  • With exposure comes clarity…
  • With clarity come closure…
  • With closure comes direction.

 

Some say the sociopath has no fears because they have no conscious. That is not true. The sociopath fears being exposed for what they are. It does not bother their conscious when they lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you, etc., but one thing that does torment their conscious is the fear of the mask that they wear will be ripped off and the sociopath in them will be revealed. When you know the truth of what (and who) it is you are dealing with, you are able to clearly see which direction you should go: to stay or to leave. Not only do you know which direction you should go, you also know if further attention concerning your safety needs to be addressed (sociopaths despise “losing” at their games and think nothing of getting revenge so they can feel like they have “won”).

 

 

Believe it or not, the sociopath does not want you to leave, at least not until they know without a reasonable doubt that they have another victim lined up to take your place immediately after your departure. The sociopath is satisfied with you as long as you are believing their lies; it is when they think you are starting to catch on to their lies is when they begin to panic and start looking for another unsuspecting victim without delay. As long as the sociopath can keep you blinded to important facts about the relationship, they have control over how you live your life, your peace of mind, etc. Remember: they need to “feed” on the fears, the wants, and the needs of others in order to feel like they have a sense of power and control.  This is why they were so charming in the beginning so they could win your undivided affection and trust. It is no wonder why their erratic behavior is so baffling since they seemed so sincere at first, and also the main reason why they try to avoid having to answer for their monstrous behavior in the end… because they are terrified of being exposed.

 

 

(to be continued…)

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

 

Mission Impossible…Or is it?

I don’t understand the logic behind the way some people think. For instance, when I see two women fighting over a man, or vice versa (two men fighting over a woman).

What sense does it make to fight over someone who obviously has no respect for you anyway, because if they did, they would not have cheated on you in the first place?

This is just my opinion of course, but somehow or another I cannot for the life of me understand why another woman (or man) would go after someone else who was cheating with their mate without realizing that person could not do what they did without your mate’s consent. Your mate allowed it to happen, yet I hardly ever hear of the cheater getting attacked; it is always the cheater’s accomplice that gets the brunt end of the anger.

Maybe I’m just being old-fashioned, but last I heard when someone cheats on you once, chances are they will do it again. If someone cheats WITH you, chances are they will cheat ON you as well.

So honestly, what mission does one expect to accomplish by fighting over this? I get so confused when I hear people say they are going after the person who was fooling around with their mate. Going after them for what? To defend their honor over something that was never really all theirs to begin with? Or was it so that they could remind the other person who knows they were over-stepping their boundaries that they should not have… over-stepped their boundaries? Yeah. Right. I don’t get it…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

What Type of Cereal are You Dating?

“Cereal Daters” , or serial dater, is a term I like to describe as being a person who dates with no real purpose. They do not measure their relationships in terms of longevity; they only date a person long enough to get what they want out of them, and move on to the next. To put it lightly, these people think of dating as a their job. In fact, it is a job.  It is a job to them because it is actually a lot of work to live a lie along with covering up their real identity for fear of being exposed. It is even harder for the serial dater if they live in a small town; means their chances of finding fresh victims is even slimmer if they have a tarnished reputation.

Most of these serial daters have similar traits to cereal brands. Here are just a few examples:

The Corn Flaker: The person who runs hot and cold throughout the entire duration of the relationship. One minute they’re all over you; the next minute they barely remember your name. One day they think the world of you; the next day they tell you how much they hate your guts. The flakiness is not so much as the problem as is the corny reasons for them to be this way. While you are trying to regain their attention, they play hard to get. Ever try to grab the last corn flake in a bowl full of milk that just does not seem to want to get on the spoon? It is frustrating after a while. The same principle applies to trying to grab the attention of the Corn Flaker; after a while, you will get tired of the “catch me if you can” games they like to play.

The Lucky Charmer: Have you ever met a person who appears too good to be true? Well, you know the saying; chances are it probably is too good to be true. These daters have a sick fetish for charming the heck out of their victims. They try to give the impression that you are so lucky to have them in your life, but in reality, they really have nothing to offer. Some of the things they say about themselves are so “colorful”, just like the Lucky Charms cereal itself, that even they begin to believe their own lies. The next thing you know, they’re running off trying to use their “magic” on someone else.

The Trix-ster: These silly rabbits act just like kids when dating. Do not expect anything more than a bunch of pointless mind games from them. After about a week of this, you will begin to wonder if they have not literally transformed into a real bunny when they begin gnawing on their bottom lip with their two front teeth during one of their outrageous temper tantrums over trivial matters. They hop from one game to the next, with little or no break in between, and you can never tell which game will pop up next. When they think you about to call them on their games, they try locating the nearest hole in the ground to escape their well-deserved wrath. During their retreat, they begin working on the minds of other prospective victims. Usually, these tricksters prefer dating someone significantly younger than them; the less experienced their victims are, the better chance of getting away with their mind games.

The Fruit Looper: They love drama, and seem to feel better about themselves as long as there is always some dramatic situation going on. They love the “save me! save me!” games. Once a problem is solved, they tend to go seek out another way to get themselves into trouble again; like one continuous loop. They search for people who seemed to have their life in order; kind, generous victims, who are willing to lend them a helping hand. Of course, there is nothing wrong with helping someone out, but the moment you begin to realize your help is fruitless on these people, you yourself will become depressed and discouraged trying to shed some light on this person’s life who always seems to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Once they have realized they are getting close to exhausting all of your resources, they follow their nose onto their next willing participant to play their savior.

This is why I like yogurt as the perfect cereal. It is good for digesting a lot of crap and flushing it out with no left-over residue…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine