Personal Reflection Time

I feel everyone needs time to themselves to reflect on themselves. I try to do this at least once a month; take one whole day to do nothing but just find a quiet space, relax and think. I think: am I growing as an individual, or am I satisfied with where I’m at already? What needs improvement? What needs to be discarded? The keyword here is: balance.

I believe we all need to asses our growth potential. Never settle with just being mediocre. Each day we wake up, we should strive to see how we can be a better person than we were the day before. Search for one more person to help than you did yesterday. Give your undivided attention to one more person than you did the day before. Let one more person go ahead of you in the store or while driving on the street than you did yesterday. Make an effort to seek out one more person you can compliment than the day before. Be friendly to someone other than only those who are friendly to you. How does that saying go: “kill ’em with kindness”? You will be surprised at how much better you feel by helping, giving, and being friendly to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

On the flipside, being helpful, generous, and friendly can attract trouble your way. Try to be on alert for those that take more than they give. By all means, cut these people off. They may get upset or seriously angry at you for doing this, but that’s not your problem and do not let them try to make it your problem. Shake it off and don’t let them try to put you on a guilt trip for doing what’s right. Remember the keyword, balance? Get rid of that mindset of feeling responsible to someone who selfishly wants what they want but does not want to do the work it takes to get it. Your time is precious on this earth; don’t waste it on worthless endeavors. Always keep your focus on the future. Forget the people who have wronged you, and forgive them for your own peace of mind. A healthy state of mind is priceless. Don’t mourn over “dead” people.

Do an honest assessment of yourself. If there’s something that needs to be fixed, fix it. If its unfixable, accept it. Make the best of your life.

©2013 Learus Ohnine

A Blast From The Past

Just had to share this thought…

(and I know you’re reading this, too…)

I recently had an encounter with an ex-lover who wanted to get back together again. I’m not against reconciliations in general. By all means, I know there are some happy endings out there for those who have tried to get back together after a break up. For me, it is not that simple. The factors that broke us up in the first place are what needs to be considered first before I would even entertain the risk of allowing this person back into my life. Needless to say, this guy had quite a few irreconcilable factors working against him.

For one, I cannot stand cheaters. That, to me, is the most appalling, unnecessary, and sickening thing anyone can be. The thought of swapping germs with some stranger because your lover slept with them behind your back and has now passed their DNA on to you is so nauseating to me. I do not tolerate any excuses or reasons for cheating since I am not a cheater myself. I do not see the logic in it. I do not search for the logic in it, neither.

(Cheating is one of those deal breakers that is not acceptable as far as I am concerned. All it takes is one time, and I am done with you. No exceptions. No “oops it was an accident” alibi will be accepted. Accidents are things such as slipping on a banana peel or a patch of ice and falling. How does one accidentally slip and fall into a vagina?? Seriously?!)

Second, I cannot tolerate liars. Lies destroy any chances of me ever trusting you, even if it is a “white lie” or “small” lie when it comes to getting to know a potential lover. For me, ALL lies are dark and big in regards to relationships! Lies prevent a good, solid foundation of trust from ever forming in a relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship. You would just be a waste of my time.

Third, I do not tolerate games. I expect romance games to come from a teenager, not a x-something year old man. Find some other substantial way to get my attention or to see how I feel about you, otherwise, you can expect my interest dwindle down to zilch very quickly. Hey I have a brilliant idea; why not try ASKING ME DIRECTLY? Oh wait, you did try that when we were together, but you thought I was playing games. Now I see why; because you were playing them all along. That’s just crazy. The word “paranoid” comes to mind, and rightfully so. What goes around certainly does come back around, but I can assure you it will not be by me. Period.

Third, do not try to come back into my life just as jacked up as you were when I got you out of it. Remember, I know you well, probably better than you know yourself, and can tell when you are about to lie to me well before you can fix your mouth to say it. Your morals, principles, and standards have not changed. In fact, you never had any; it is kind of hard to fix something you never had in the first place. All that will end up happening if we did get back together is we will end up right back at square one again-broken up. And probably within the first date or two. Again, a waste of time.

Fourth, I cannot stand two-faced people; grinning in my face while you speak horrific things about another person, then going to that same person grinning in their face speaking horrific things about me to them. That is just too girly of a trait to have as a man as far as I am concerned, not to mention childish and immature. Behavior like that also makes me question whether or not if you really are a heterosexual, also. To be honest, I still do wonder…

In closing, if you do not ever hear from me again, you now know why. In case you are still in a fog as to why, I will put it to you as simply this: I do not like emotional rollercoasters. You were the worst ride anyone has ever taken me on in my life; a bunch of senseless drops, turns, and twists that had no logical point to them other than for your own sadistic, sick and twisted entertainment. I do not wish to ride that coaster again. I have learned quite a bit while on your ride, and I can say I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from it all and the precious wisdom I have gained as a result of those lessons. Ironically, your mess turned into my treasure…the hard way, yet, in the most profitable of ways that has taken me to places and introduced people into my life that I would have probably never met otherwise.

So save the speeches about how things will be different this time around, because I am the one who really has changed although you haven’t. I am not the risk-taker you once knew.

Still wishing you all the best. Have a nice life 🙂

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (part 4) The Demolition Process

Hopefully by now, you have uncovered which walls need your immediate attention and which walls do not. I would suggest beginning the demolition process on any wall that is causing an immediate hindrance to your daily living, such as anything that is interfering with your peace of mind. Nothing compares to enjoying life with a healthy state of mind. Remember – you only get one life; it is better to make the most of the time you have to spend on this earth than to waste it and regret it later.

So on to the demolition…

The demolition process basically starts off following the same procedures for both Conscious and Unconscious Walls. The only difference is the amount of time it takes to completely destroy them. That time is determined by factors such as when that wall was placed there and who put it there. For example: an Unconscious Wall that has been built by an authority figure, such as a parental figure, a lover, or whomever you have depended on for emotional support and approval, may take years to demolish simply because it has been ingrained inside your heart and mind as a necessity for survival. Let’s say, for instance, a child who grows up in an environment that is unsympathetic and is full of callousness may have had to learn to adapt to that kind of situation by becoming so thick-skinned that they do not know how to love or be loved. They reject anyone who comes across as caring and sympathetic, or the total opposite, because they do not recognize that real love and are only receptive to people who resemble the authority figures of the environment they have grown up in. They will recreate their childhood environment because that IS their comfort zone. It may take years before this person can make a successful personal transformation, but it is not impossible.

So let’s begin with a less challenging wall to destroy: the Conscious Wall. Just a quick recall, a Conscious Wall is one that is derived from a realistic fear stemmed from an illogical belief. Examples of this would be along the lines of stereotyping: ALL marriages end in divorce, ALL blondes are dimwitted, ALL males are cheaters, and ALL women are not as intelligent as a man, and so on. Plenty can be said about the stereotyping of gender, sexual preference, and races but I will not get too deep into those details. When stereotype a person, place or thing, we will react to them according to what we feel is appropriate, and that includes avoidance. Keep in mind it is healthy and wise to avoid something or someone we know for a fact is not in our best interest. However, stereotyping is not based on facts. Stereotyping is based on opinion and does not necessarily mean one part applies to the whole, if you catch my drift.

But how do we debunk any hypothetical stereotyping beliefs we may have?

Get out there and find out for yourself. Be realistic; nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, hang-ups, etc., but is that not what makes us all unique? None of our personal flaws may have anything to do with our gender, our cultural background, or our sexual preference.  The funny thing about social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, etc., is we all can be whoever we want to be behind the screen, but it is the words that we speak that will be noticed by others first. We do not see a face, a race, or a gender unless we post a profile picture, and even that sometimes is not always truthful. The bottom line is: you will never know what you are missing until you get to know the character of a person. Drop everything that you have heard and read about a gender, a culture, or a sexual preference and just meet a variety of people from all, and I do mean ALL, walks of life and from any and every category. Remember, you yourself fall into one or more categories. Would you want someone to discriminate against you without giving you a fair chance?

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine