“When you are in a relationship with someone who is periodically displaying extremely disgruntled reactions to petty matters followed by an unwillingness to discuss and resolve them, it is a sign they are hiding something detrimental to the relationship itself.”
Watch out for this, especially in a romantic relationship where the person has a history of cheating. What appears to be a trivial matter to you (and it probably really is trivial) is actually really seriously important to them because they do not want to expose themselves. More than likely, what they want to cover up is something you really need to know, especially if it changes the whole dynamics of the relationship’s fate, and they will try to throw as much confusion your way as best as they possibly can in order to make sure you never find out what is really going on behind your back. For example: the guy who is cheating on his girlfriend might demand (not ask) her to make certain moves and/or actions, that do not make any sense at all pertaining to the circumstances, however, it makes all the sense in the world to him because it is part of his plan. When he explains his logic behind his requests, and that’s IF he explains it, what he says makes no sense at all whatsoever. What she does affects his secrets, so he tries to discreetly control her actions so as to not mess up his plans he is intends to carry out behind her back.
I once knew a middle-aged guy who used women to survive. He preyed on women he thought were naïve, simple-minded, and gullible even if those traits were in no way apart of their character. As long as he believed in this idealization he created of these women in his head, to him it was a reality, and he would treat all these women according to his idealizations. By living in his head this way, it gave him the confidence to approach each of his “victims”, and the stupidity to create a fictitious image of himself no matter how preposterous he ending up looking to all of them, thinking he could never be exposed. Even if he did land himself a good woman, his mouth was forever filled with complaints that sounded like they originated from the mind of a child. He never had any real logical complaints about his woman, although he wanted it to appear that way to her as a way to hide the truth. In actuality, his petty complaints were all excuses to create distance between them while he worked on seducing another woman. Once he figured he had the other woman totally sold on him, he would create just enough distance between him and the other woman in order to buy him some time to make amends with his own woman. As confusing as all this sounds, the reason for this ridiculous merry-go-round of dubious behavior was because he had a bizarre personality disorder; the kind that no therapy or drug could cure, with one of his symptoms being a distorted sense of self. He knew this, and although a lot of effort and behavior modification could have improved his life quite tremendously, he chose to make a mess of it anyway. He cared less about the string of devastated yet enlightened women he left behind him because the part of the human brain that processes human emotions was missing in his. Simply put, he had no conscious. He could not feel yet he knew what he was doing. In the end, he reaped exactly what he sowed—nothing. He ended up alone anyway.
(Think about it: if your mate tends to overreact so strongly to minor problems, how do you think they will react when something major pops up?)
“When you are in a relationship where the other person constantly speaks in first person, chances are they think in first person, too.”
Take note of the person who frequently uses the terms “I” and “me”, even when discussing things that include the both of you or includes others in general relating to the business. Note how many times they use the term “we” when there are others involved. I will tell you why this is so extremely important…
Suppose this is a romantic relationship. Your significant other refers to the things you do together when describing them to others in phrases like “I went to see a movie” or “I went to the beach”, even though the both of you went to see the movie and went to the beach together. They have verbally excluded you out of the scenario. While the two of you may have very well been there as a couple, the person has also mentally excluded you out of it as if you were not really there with them at all, and more than likely experienced it in the same way; you just happened to be an “accessory”. This person thinks in terms of themselves in everything they do; everything they do is all about them. The person does not see the activities you two share together as doing them as a couple.
Now suppose this is a business relationship. Your partner discusses company plans in terms of “I created a plan” when in fact the plan was created by the inputs of the entire group, not just one individual. More than likely, everything involving the company is expressed in terms of “I” and “me” by this partner. This partner does not give full credit to all of his or her partners involved in any of the brainstorming processes that results in a successful outcome. However, if any plans were to fail, notice how your partner will suddenly change his or her vocabulary to “they” or “them” instead of “I” or “me”.
Although both the romantic and business individual may be surrounded by others, they actually view the world in terms as if they are the only ones in it and the world revolves around them. The term “selfishness” comes to mine. Chances are, their selfishness shows in other areas of their life as well. In a relationship, selfishness hinders closeness. In a business partnership, selfishness steals credit from where credit is due. All in all, there is usually a lack of respect for any other individual outside of their worlds and their cooperation skills are extremely poor.
(to be continued…)
© 2013 Learus Ohnine