Give Meaning to Life: Support a Cause With Passion

“Supporting a cause you’re passionate about gives you a raison d’être bigger than yourself – a meaning in life bigger than one’s own success or glorification.” – Actor Michael Teh

See more at: Charity Meets: Michael Teh

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Leadership

Being in a position of leadership should only be reserved for those who can handle the pressures and conformities that go along with being in a position of power. Not everyone who desires to be a leader possess the qualities essential to fit that position. Understanding what makes for a good leader is the first step in acquiring those unique set of skills, as it assures potential followers a level of confidence in their decision to adhere to the authority of a good leader’s administered guidance.

Below are a few examples of what traits makes for a good leader:

1. Modesty
2. Respectful
3. Cooperative
4. Trustworthy
5. High standards of personal ethics
6. Resilient to defeat
7. Able to productively work under pressure

A majority of high-prolific leaders are located within the political system. History has shown many political candidates who may have been prolifically qualified to run for a political office have indeed failed at winning the victory. Although their charismatic demeanor and charm may have been enough to win over the public’s support to be nominated, those traits alone were not enough to win them the official seat in the office. What determines whether or not a politician will make a good leader is if they meet all the criteria mentioned above, and that in itself can only be reflective of their performance after they have been officially elected.

Take for example the collaborative efforts of three political officials on the east coast of the United States: Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York, Mayor Michael Bloomberg of New York City, and Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey. All three officials were faced with the Hurricane Sandy crisis when the tropical storm made landfall over their region in October of 2012. 89% of NYC voters voted in favor of Christie’s emergency response efforts, followed by 85% in favor of Cuomo’s, and 75% in favor of Bloomberg’s. All three men were notified of this oncoming storm at the same, however, their approaches in handling this emergency were vastly different.

Although the above mentioned politicians are basically responsible for maintaining only one state in a crisis situation, a bigger responsibility lies in the hands of a good leader who has to maintain a country. U.S. President Barack Obama has recently been rumored to be handling the Syrian crisis in the same manner as his predecessor, former U.S. President George W. Bush. Bush declared the war in Iraq, and Obama is leaning towards declaring war in Syria. Since the 9/11 terrorist attacks in New York City, Bush’s response efforts have been placed under a microscope numerous times, and many questions have been raised by suspicious activities concerning his involvement in the planned attacks. And now, many fear Obama may be falling in his footsteps.

But let’s throw away all the conspiracy theorists’ viewpoints on each major catastrophic event in the news over the past decade or so, and let the public decide. Do you feel your state is better off than it was before or after the current political leaders were elected into office? Do you feel your country is better off now with the current president in office or when the previous one was elected?

Remember: every opinion counts.

©2013 Learus Ohnine

What Would You Do If… ??

… if someone you knew was about to get involved with a sociopath, what would you do? Do you warn the person, hoping the person isn’t too far gone to realize it’s not too late to turn back around? Or do you mind your own business and hope for the best outcome?

 

For me, I can’t just sit still and watch a blind man (or woman) fall into a ditch. That’s not me.

 

However, we can never be so sure that maybe warning someone might be the cause of a disaster, whereas the warned person uses this info to their advantage to help facilitate their ulterior motive for the sociopath. That’s not me, either.

 

Although I have no romantic interest in neither the sociopath or it’s victim, there’s a part of me that will always  feel funny knowing what I know and not doing anything about it. If something tragic were to happen, I would never be able to forgive myself.

 

On the other hand, people can become highly offended when they hear the truth about someone they don’t want to think of in any other light but the way the person has presented themselves. Sociopaths, especially, get highly vindictive when they’ve been exposed. This might backfire if I try to intervene.

 

If you were in this situation, what would you do?

 

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

 

The Differences Between A Sociopath And A Narcissist

When we try to analyze the people we cross paths with in society, it is possible to misinterpret our analysis for lack of a better understanding. For those who have crossed paths with a sociopath and a narcissist on separate occasions, it may seem like there is little to no difference between the two when in fact one can be mistaken for the other. Both are considered to be social terrorists, however, there are distinguishing characteristics that would imply neither of them are one in the same. Therefore, I would like to explain briefly the differences in character between these two personality disorders…

Narcissist will let you know up front what they are about. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake). They generally do not tell these stories for any other gain than to hear praises. They have an unquenchable desire to be admired, worshiped, and adulated with no real gain from those that respond to them in this way other than to feed their own ego. They need to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering.

Sociopath will NOT let you know up front what they are about, because they wear a mask to hide their true identity. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake, but mostly fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake, but mostly fake.) They generally tell these stories to appear as a “good person” to gain trust and as a cover-up for their ulterior motives. They have the same unquenchable desires as the Narcissist as a result of the power and control they gain over their victims. They do not care to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering unless doing so promises to earn them more unsuspecting victims.

 

Here’s a few more brief distinguishing characteristics:

A Narcissist can have a conscious/conscience, and will sometimes hurt others unintentionally. A Sociopath has no conscious/conscience whatsoever, nor do they have any remorse for hurting others intentionally; the more damage, the better they feel.

A Narcissist can be constructive. A Sociopath is always destructive.

A Narcissist’s world can be built by their own hands. A Sociopath prefers their world to be built by someone else’s hands, and will take full credit for it.

A Narcissist is self-deceptive. A Sociopath is socially deceptive.

A Narcissist needs admirers. A Sociopath needs victims.

A Narcissist needs to be adulated to appease their insecurities and fragile ego. A Sociopath needs to be adulated to appease and camouflage their ulterior motives.

A Narcissist lacks empathy in the form of belittling, name-calling, and defaming another’s character. A Sociopath lacks empathy in a criminal or physically violent way.

A Narcissist accepts who they are but exploits themselves in an overly-exaggerated and excessively-dramatic grandiose manner. A Sociopath pretends to be someone who they are not to hide their hidden agendas in order to keep from being exploited.

 

Both think they are superior to anyone and everyone they meet. Both think they deserve special treatment. Both process the world differently, and both play to “win.” However, it is possible for both personality traits to be combined into one, which is called a “Narcissistic Sociopath” , and is more dangerous to deal with than the two individuals separately.

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (part 4) The Demolition Process

Hopefully by now, you have uncovered which walls need your immediate attention and which walls do not. I would suggest beginning the demolition process on any wall that is causing an immediate hindrance to your daily living, such as anything that is interfering with your peace of mind. Nothing compares to enjoying life with a healthy state of mind. Remember – you only get one life; it is better to make the most of the time you have to spend on this earth than to waste it and regret it later.

So on to the demolition…

The demolition process basically starts off following the same procedures for both Conscious and Unconscious Walls. The only difference is the amount of time it takes to completely destroy them. That time is determined by factors such as when that wall was placed there and who put it there. For example: an Unconscious Wall that has been built by an authority figure, such as a parental figure, a lover, or whomever you have depended on for emotional support and approval, may take years to demolish simply because it has been ingrained inside your heart and mind as a necessity for survival. Let’s say, for instance, a child who grows up in an environment that is unsympathetic and is full of callousness may have had to learn to adapt to that kind of situation by becoming so thick-skinned that they do not know how to love or be loved. They reject anyone who comes across as caring and sympathetic, or the total opposite, because they do not recognize that real love and are only receptive to people who resemble the authority figures of the environment they have grown up in. They will recreate their childhood environment because that IS their comfort zone. It may take years before this person can make a successful personal transformation, but it is not impossible.

So let’s begin with a less challenging wall to destroy: the Conscious Wall. Just a quick recall, a Conscious Wall is one that is derived from a realistic fear stemmed from an illogical belief. Examples of this would be along the lines of stereotyping: ALL marriages end in divorce, ALL blondes are dimwitted, ALL males are cheaters, and ALL women are not as intelligent as a man, and so on. Plenty can be said about the stereotyping of gender, sexual preference, and races but I will not get too deep into those details. When stereotype a person, place or thing, we will react to them according to what we feel is appropriate, and that includes avoidance. Keep in mind it is healthy and wise to avoid something or someone we know for a fact is not in our best interest. However, stereotyping is not based on facts. Stereotyping is based on opinion and does not necessarily mean one part applies to the whole, if you catch my drift.

But how do we debunk any hypothetical stereotyping beliefs we may have?

Get out there and find out for yourself. Be realistic; nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, hang-ups, etc., but is that not what makes us all unique? None of our personal flaws may have anything to do with our gender, our cultural background, or our sexual preference.  The funny thing about social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, etc., is we all can be whoever we want to be behind the screen, but it is the words that we speak that will be noticed by others first. We do not see a face, a race, or a gender unless we post a profile picture, and even that sometimes is not always truthful. The bottom line is: you will never know what you are missing until you get to know the character of a person. Drop everything that you have heard and read about a gender, a culture, or a sexual preference and just meet a variety of people from all, and I do mean ALL, walks of life and from any and every category. Remember, you yourself fall into one or more categories. Would you want someone to discriminate against you without giving you a fair chance?

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Realization Of Character

Everything we do starts with words. Words will determine who we are. Whatever we think we are, we will become. It is no wonder why we see so many people who struggle with low self-esteem, but that is such an extensive topic that I will save for a later discussion.

I am sure you all have heard the “formula” for how one’s character comes into fruition and the end result of where our character will lead us. If not, I will briefly go over the famous formula in order of importance:

“Words = Thoughts”

“Thoughts = Actions”

“Actions = Habits”

“Habits = Behaviors”

“Behaviors = Character”

“Character = Our Destiny”

“Words = Thoughts”: Words will determine your thoughts. Words are very powerful. Like it says in the Bible, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21). When we insult someone, we are killing them figuratively. When we compliment someone, we are giving them life. It does not matter if words are spoken or written; they will have the same affect on the listener and/or reader. We begin to think exactly what words tell us to think. We should be aware of what we say to one another as well as what we hear and read because once we let those words take root into our minds, we become those words.

“Thoughts = Actions”: Our thoughts have a heavy impact on the things we do. Most all of our actions start with our thoughts.  We can think ourselves into motivation, inspiration, encouragement, and so on. On the other hand, we can think ourselves into procrastination, depression, discouragement, and so on. Our thoughts will determine what we will do next.

“Actions = Habits”: Our actions will become our habits. Have you ever met someone who seemed impossible to change the way they think about themselves? They have learned to adapt to a particular way of thinking that their whole life is arranged around their thought processes.  They withdraw instead of socializing. They retreat when faced with challenges. They may have been told time and time again that they are stupid or a failure, and so they tend to believe those words without applying themselves to rise above the adversity of those words. That is because they have become so comfortable in thinking what they think is true, it has become a habit. Habits are hard to break.

“Habits = Behaviors”: Habits develop into behaviors. Hurting people hurt other people. It is just that simple. Very rarely have I come across an angry individual who goes out of their way to make others happy. In fact, I have seen hurting people deliberately hurt others to bring them down and have said this somehow makes them feel better knowing someone else is hurting just as much as they are. I suppose this would account for the numerous abuse  and murder cases in the world today because this seems to be the only outlet a hurting person knows, trusts, and feels comfortable in doing. It is a horrible habit that, unfortunately, has become a behavior that is justified in their minds.

“Behaviors = Character”: Our behavior determines our character. People are known for what they do. Someone who carries a reputation for lying, stealing and cheating has built that reputation centered around those actions. The same goes for someone who has proven to be trustworthy, honest and caring. People are more drawn to these traits. Our character derives from the behaviors we set forth and also determine the type of characters we draw to us.

“Character = Destiny”: The kind of character we build for ourselves will determine our destiny. For example, if we are a well disciplined individual, chances are we will go far in life. We will resist the temptation to procrastinate in order to get things done. However, if we are lazy, we may not accomplish much in life due to neglecting important responsibilities. This is why it is so important to take heed as to the people who you allow in your life because they, too, can determine your destiny…

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Ways To Test Someone’s Character: The Response Test

This blog would coincide with a previous blog I wrote entitled ” A Life Without Problems: Character and Ability”, whereas I briefly defined the two terms, but for now, I would like to concentrate more on character.

The character of a person distinctly defines who they are. It is the image we build for ourselves based on our moral and ethical qualities. It is what determines how we are approached and why we are not approached by others. Unfortunately, we live in a world where imposters hide behind a fake wall of integrity, compassion, sympathy, and all other forms of “goodwill” for the sake of covering up their true identity. This, of course, is called “charm”, but that is something that only lasts for the moment. Character lasts a lifetime.

There are ways to test the character of a person, and with these tests, you may discover signs that are sometimes inadvertently overlooked when getting to know someone.
Test their response to:

How do they react to correction
How do they react to loss
How do they react to praise
How do they react to receiving a gift

Reaction to correction:

“You think I am wrong? You must be crazy!”

“You think I am wrong? You might be right!”

Note how both responses start the same but end entirely different based on the person’s own self-perception. The first response is a sign the person feels they are never wrong, and if anyone thinks they are, there must be something wrong with them. This is a sign this person is definitely hard to get along with. They want to be right all the time, even when they know they are wrong. Negotiating is obsolete for them, or just purely does not apply. They rarely apologize, and when they do, there is always some sort of condition to it, such as “I may be wrong, but you are (fill in the blank)”. If they do finally break down and admit they were wrong, they will try to turn the focus onto the millions of things they feel you did wrong regardless if it has anything to do with the situation at hand.  They can never take full blame or responsibility for their own actions without somehow pinning part of their responsibility onto you, too.

Reaction to loss:

“I am so glad it did not happen to me!”

“I hope everyone is okay.”

Keep in mind the normal reaction to hearing about someone’s loss. Usually, the first words that come out are “I am sorry to hear that”, or “are you okay”, or some form of showing concern for the other person’s well-being. The first response shows a person who obviously only thinks about themselves, how they feel, and how the situation affects them. They show no sympathy or empathy because they have none. They cannot put themselves in other’s shoes because the only shoes they have an interest in is their own. Selfish people do not make good friends, partners, or lovers since they lack the compassion. People who lack compassion are most likely to lack remorse for their actions when they have hurt you.
Reaction to praise:

“It’s about time everyone sees how great I am!”

“I do not see what all the fuss over me is about.”

I am sorry, I have to say this… that first response is just too obvious. It almost makes you want to immediately take your praise back. I have literally heard people say this out loud and expected others to cheer them on in return. Arrogance is never pretty nor is it attractive. An arrogant person will always look down on you in spite of all the palpable reasons not to. They cannot wait for the opportunity to disrespect you in some way, shape or form because in doing so gives them a sense of power. However, do not mistake pride for arrogance. A person can be proud of their accomplishments, their achievements, and so forth without expressing their sense of superiority at someone else’s expense.
Reaction to receiving a gift:

“It’s about time I got this!”

“How did you know this is what I wanted!”

Please do not dismiss the first response as a joke. This person secretly believes they deserve some sort of special entitlement or recognition. They may feel everyone should be grateful just to have them in their presence the minute they step into the room. Never expect an arrogant person to be grateful for what you do for them. They will never appreciate it no matter how much, how soon, or how effective you are at doing it.  They usually expect others to do for them what they do not want to make the effort to do for themselves.  They live their life thinking the world owes them. They rarely give gifts, and when they do, it is arranged in such a way that the gift will benefit them more than it will the recipient.

So why do we overlook these signs?

Well, the best explanation I can come up with is that we get so lost in the moment of the initial impression, in the euphoria of it all, that we tend to lose sight of what is real and what is not. Our minds go astray and begin to drift off into the portrait of what appears to be wholesome, not realizing something very different is missing from the entire equation. The next thing we know, we become overwhelmed with an inexplicable puzzling feeling that something is just quite not right with the person, yet we still find ourselves magnetically drawn to the madness to find out what is really going on beneath the surface. By this time, we are too far gone to accept the probability that maybe this person is just not who they say they are. We have invested our precious time, our energy, and unfortunately for some, our money into someone with a bogus identity who does not deserve any of it. This is when we start to want to seek closure, only to find ourselves in a whirlwind of confusing dead-end trails.

I can tell you from my first-hand experience it is not worth getting too close to a person who has forged their image in order to gain your respect, attention, and trust. Once you have realized that person is not deemed worthy of any more of your time, energy and resources, it is best to just cut your losses and walk away. You will never get closure, and they will make sure of it. The longer you stick around to figure out the real identity, the longer it will take for you to restore your own sanity, correct the damages (if any), and begin to rebuild your life.

Look into the mirror. Take each response and say them out loud to yourself. If the first response in each test makes you feel uncomfortable, remember that feeling the next time someone makes you feel the same way and avoid that person before you end up regretting it. If you are comfortable with saying all of the first responses, check yourself. Something is not right within you…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine