Personal Reflection Time

I feel everyone needs time to themselves to reflect on themselves. I try to do this at least once a month; take one whole day to do nothing but just find a quiet space, relax and think. I think: am I growing as an individual, or am I satisfied with where I’m at already? What needs improvement? What needs to be discarded? The keyword here is: balance.

I believe we all need to asses our growth potential. Never settle with just being mediocre. Each day we wake up, we should strive to see how we can be a better person than we were the day before. Search for one more person to help than you did yesterday. Give your undivided attention to one more person than you did the day before. Let one more person go ahead of you in the store or while driving on the street than you did yesterday. Make an effort to seek out one more person you can compliment than the day before. Be friendly to someone other than only those who are friendly to you. How does that saying go: “kill ’em with kindness”? You will be surprised at how much better you feel by helping, giving, and being friendly to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

On the flipside, being helpful, generous, and friendly can attract trouble your way. Try to be on alert for those that take more than they give. By all means, cut these people off. They may get upset or seriously angry at you for doing this, but that’s not your problem and do not let them try to make it your problem. Shake it off and don’t let them try to put you on a guilt trip for doing what’s right. Remember the keyword, balance? Get rid of that mindset of feeling responsible to someone who selfishly wants what they want but does not want to do the work it takes to get it. Your time is precious on this earth; don’t waste it on worthless endeavors. Always keep your focus on the future. Forget the people who have wronged you, and forgive them for your own peace of mind. A healthy state of mind is priceless. Don’t mourn over “dead” people.

Do an honest assessment of yourself. If there’s something that needs to be fixed, fix it. If its unfixable, accept it. Make the best of your life.

©2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (part 4) The Demolition Process

Hopefully by now, you have uncovered which walls need your immediate attention and which walls do not. I would suggest beginning the demolition process on any wall that is causing an immediate hindrance to your daily living, such as anything that is interfering with your peace of mind. Nothing compares to enjoying life with a healthy state of mind. Remember – you only get one life; it is better to make the most of the time you have to spend on this earth than to waste it and regret it later.

So on to the demolition…

The demolition process basically starts off following the same procedures for both Conscious and Unconscious Walls. The only difference is the amount of time it takes to completely destroy them. That time is determined by factors such as when that wall was placed there and who put it there. For example: an Unconscious Wall that has been built by an authority figure, such as a parental figure, a lover, or whomever you have depended on for emotional support and approval, may take years to demolish simply because it has been ingrained inside your heart and mind as a necessity for survival. Let’s say, for instance, a child who grows up in an environment that is unsympathetic and is full of callousness may have had to learn to adapt to that kind of situation by becoming so thick-skinned that they do not know how to love or be loved. They reject anyone who comes across as caring and sympathetic, or the total opposite, because they do not recognize that real love and are only receptive to people who resemble the authority figures of the environment they have grown up in. They will recreate their childhood environment because that IS their comfort zone. It may take years before this person can make a successful personal transformation, but it is not impossible.

So let’s begin with a less challenging wall to destroy: the Conscious Wall. Just a quick recall, a Conscious Wall is one that is derived from a realistic fear stemmed from an illogical belief. Examples of this would be along the lines of stereotyping: ALL marriages end in divorce, ALL blondes are dimwitted, ALL males are cheaters, and ALL women are not as intelligent as a man, and so on. Plenty can be said about the stereotyping of gender, sexual preference, and races but I will not get too deep into those details. When stereotype a person, place or thing, we will react to them according to what we feel is appropriate, and that includes avoidance. Keep in mind it is healthy and wise to avoid something or someone we know for a fact is not in our best interest. However, stereotyping is not based on facts. Stereotyping is based on opinion and does not necessarily mean one part applies to the whole, if you catch my drift.

But how do we debunk any hypothetical stereotyping beliefs we may have?

Get out there and find out for yourself. Be realistic; nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, hang-ups, etc., but is that not what makes us all unique? None of our personal flaws may have anything to do with our gender, our cultural background, or our sexual preference.  The funny thing about social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, etc., is we all can be whoever we want to be behind the screen, but it is the words that we speak that will be noticed by others first. We do not see a face, a race, or a gender unless we post a profile picture, and even that sometimes is not always truthful. The bottom line is: you will never know what you are missing until you get to know the character of a person. Drop everything that you have heard and read about a gender, a culture, or a sexual preference and just meet a variety of people from all, and I do mean ALL, walks of life and from any and every category. Remember, you yourself fall into one or more categories. Would you want someone to discriminate against you without giving you a fair chance?

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Realization Of Character

Everything we do starts with words. Words will determine who we are. Whatever we think we are, we will become. It is no wonder why we see so many people who struggle with low self-esteem, but that is such an extensive topic that I will save for a later discussion.

I am sure you all have heard the “formula” for how one’s character comes into fruition and the end result of where our character will lead us. If not, I will briefly go over the famous formula in order of importance:

“Words = Thoughts”

“Thoughts = Actions”

“Actions = Habits”

“Habits = Behaviors”

“Behaviors = Character”

“Character = Our Destiny”

“Words = Thoughts”: Words will determine your thoughts. Words are very powerful. Like it says in the Bible, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21). When we insult someone, we are killing them figuratively. When we compliment someone, we are giving them life. It does not matter if words are spoken or written; they will have the same affect on the listener and/or reader. We begin to think exactly what words tell us to think. We should be aware of what we say to one another as well as what we hear and read because once we let those words take root into our minds, we become those words.

“Thoughts = Actions”: Our thoughts have a heavy impact on the things we do. Most all of our actions start with our thoughts.  We can think ourselves into motivation, inspiration, encouragement, and so on. On the other hand, we can think ourselves into procrastination, depression, discouragement, and so on. Our thoughts will determine what we will do next.

“Actions = Habits”: Our actions will become our habits. Have you ever met someone who seemed impossible to change the way they think about themselves? They have learned to adapt to a particular way of thinking that their whole life is arranged around their thought processes.  They withdraw instead of socializing. They retreat when faced with challenges. They may have been told time and time again that they are stupid or a failure, and so they tend to believe those words without applying themselves to rise above the adversity of those words. That is because they have become so comfortable in thinking what they think is true, it has become a habit. Habits are hard to break.

“Habits = Behaviors”: Habits develop into behaviors. Hurting people hurt other people. It is just that simple. Very rarely have I come across an angry individual who goes out of their way to make others happy. In fact, I have seen hurting people deliberately hurt others to bring them down and have said this somehow makes them feel better knowing someone else is hurting just as much as they are. I suppose this would account for the numerous abuse  and murder cases in the world today because this seems to be the only outlet a hurting person knows, trusts, and feels comfortable in doing. It is a horrible habit that, unfortunately, has become a behavior that is justified in their minds.

“Behaviors = Character”: Our behavior determines our character. People are known for what they do. Someone who carries a reputation for lying, stealing and cheating has built that reputation centered around those actions. The same goes for someone who has proven to be trustworthy, honest and caring. People are more drawn to these traits. Our character derives from the behaviors we set forth and also determine the type of characters we draw to us.

“Character = Destiny”: The kind of character we build for ourselves will determine our destiny. For example, if we are a well disciplined individual, chances are we will go far in life. We will resist the temptation to procrastinate in order to get things done. However, if we are lazy, we may not accomplish much in life due to neglecting important responsibilities. This is why it is so important to take heed as to the people who you allow in your life because they, too, can determine your destiny…

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Jump-start your dreams

What are the dreams that have been placed in your heart? Actually, I am not technically asking if you have any; I already know they are there because all of us have dreams. Dreams are given to us for a reason. Dreams give us encouragement, hope, and insight. Dreams add fuel to our yearning for life. Whether you believe your dreams are given to you by a higher power as a premonition or are a byproduct of your own imagination, it would be a shame to let your dreams go to waste and not do anything to jump-start them into a reality.

I have seen people do all kinds of things to their dreams. Some people have buried them so deep in their hearts in order to protect them from the criticism of others.  Some people have set them out of sight so they do not have to think about them anymore.  Some people finally just give up on their dreams because it hurts too much to hold on to them.

If you are any one of these people, do not throw away your dreams! Remember: they are given to you for a reason, so why not pursue them? It would be a shame to let such priceless and precious dreams go to waste when all you need is a starting point to jump-start your dreams:

First: You need to get a vision that is clear. A clear vision means to interpret your dream correctly. You can either do this yourself or do some research online on dream interpretation. It is very important to have a clear vision of what it is that you intend to achieve.  You do not want to find yourself going off on the wrong path in life. This will turn your dreams into nightmares.

Second: You must keep the vision in front of you at all times.  Keeping the vision in your eyesight at all times serves as a constant reminder of the reason why you wake up every morning, the purpose for your life, and the destination of where you want to be at in life. You could make a note to yourself and place this note wherever you spend a majority of your time. You could wear something symbolic that reminds you of your vision everytime you see it or touch it. You could record a message to yourself and play it whenever you feel like giving up. Think of creative ways that work best for you.

Third: Find a balance between ambition and contentment.  Be content with what you have and where are in life at the moment, but do whatever it takes to stay ambitious enough to change your life for the better. Dreams can only be made into a reality step-by-step, one day at a time.

Fourth: Be patient – with yourself and your vision.  Having a vision does not mean that it will instantly appear.  There is a process, and that process requires a lot of work, time, dedication, and effort on your part. You have to remain just as enthused about the process of your vision as you are in the end result. Train yourself to be satisfied to the point where you are not disturbed by the progress you are making toward your vision, especially when it seems like you are not making any progression at all.

Never allow yourself to get upset with wherever you are at the moment. Remember, this is a one-step-one-day-at-a-time process. Always look forward to where you WILL be and learn to enjoy where you are while you are on your way to where you are going.

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

When You Are In A Relationship…

No matter what type of relationship it is, professional or personal, it is still considered a relationship. Some key facts to remember are:

“When you are in a relationship with a person who takes more than they are willing to give, what appears to be fair to you is just an illusion.”

Self-serving people do not believe in equality.  They do not practice fairness.  They feel like the world owes them and it should be grateful they are here. Actually, they live in a different world than ours, where everything is given to them with little or no effort or gratitude, and that is the way it should be in their mind. They will put in great efforts to make this fictitious world of theirs a reality. We all have to put in a degree of effort to achieve balance in our lives. The truth is, in the real world, it would require too much work for self-serving people to earn what they desire. It is much easier for them to walk around living a lie and telling a lie than it is for them to face the truth.

Dependability is not an important factor for the person who is self-serving in a relationship. You may not recognize so in the beginning, because they are trying to gain your trust by imitating the kind of person whom you are attracted to. They are also inspired by their idea of gaining what they want if they pretend to be someone they are not. After a while, you will start to see flaws in their behavior when it comes to them being dependable. You will notice more and more excuses for why they cannot do the things they did in the beginning. This is because they feel they have you wrapped around their little finger. You will also start to see them lacking on their part for what they are supposed to be contributing, hoping you will pick up their slack. The whole idea is for you to be the one who winds up doing all the giving while they do nothing but reap the benefits.

Do not waste time trying to save someone that does not want to be saved. The best thing you can do for that person is to be supportive, but not at the expense of becoming their savior, judge, or prosecutor. If you associate yourself long enough around someone who refuses to do better, either one of two things will happen: either they will have you thinking like them or they will drag you down with them. Remember: misery loves company, and you are no exception.

“When you are in a relationship with a person who hates explaining themselves, chances are they can’t remember all of their lies.”

Think about it. If someone asks you to tell the truth, it takes no effort at all to recall all the facts. If you told a lie, you will have to concentrate on what you have already said in order for it to make sense with what you are asked to explain at the present time. This is too much work, and too risky. The liar is bound to be exposed once they start trying to explain what they want you to think is the truth.

“When you are in a relationship with a person who cannot control their emotions, it is a sign of immaturity.”

Immature people do not make good partners. Have you ever tried to console a child when they are having a temper tantrum? It is nearly impossible.  They want what they want and will go to no ends to get what they want. Period. There is no negotiating until they get all that screaming and carrying on out of their system. Now, apply that same concept to an adult. With a child, the fear of being punished by their parents for their behavior keeps them somewhat under control. With an adult, they have no fear of that because it does not apply. If an immature person does not want to be held responsible, they won’t.  In fact, they avoid responsibility at all costs. You now have an out-of-control adult with no limits as to how far they will go to get what they want.

(to be continued)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine