“You two have just had what seemed like the argument of a lifetime. You are totally devastated by what you have just heard come out of your partner’s mouth. Your partner has just blamed you for something you have no clue of. They are This is the same partner that has always seemed so sensible about communication, stating that they prefer to resolve disagreements as soon as they happen to avoid unnecessary confusion. Now that you have done everything within your power to explain your side of the situation to them, they refuse to listen nor do they seem to want to be corrected. The more you try to correct them, the louder they speak. Then all of a sudden, they hung up the phone quicker than you could have a chance to react.
You try to call them back repeatedly but to no avail. They do not answer, and there is no return call back from them. And so you wait, and wait, and wait for them to call you back. Still no call back. You send them text message after text message. There is no reply back from them. You began to wonder what is the problem; why have they not called you back and discussed the problem even after you have explained to them in a text message stating how wrong their facts were and that the two of you need to talk in person. You know that all this could easily be resolved IF only they would answer their phone…
Hours have passed since your last call or text message to them. A strange feeling comes over you as if something just does not seem right. Their behavior does not match up to what they said in the beginning about open communication during times of disagreements. There have been times in the past when you two have disagreed over something, and there has always be a resolution between the two of you shortly after the disagreement. But this time, they seem as if they are deliberately keeping the distance between you so that this issue cannot be resolved.
The entire day has gone by and still no return call or text message from them. Finally, the next day, they return your calls. The funny thing about this call is… they appear as if nothing is wrong, that nothing ever happened the night before, and no argument ever took place. It is as if yesterday never existed. Confused, you ask them about the argument that happened last night and sincerely express how you would like to discuss it. They respond with a nonchalant ‘oh that, that’s water under the bridge. Let’s talk about something else’, and proceed to carry on about their plans for the day, ask you what yours are, and abruptly end the call with a promise to call you back later. They hang up the phone before you even had a chance to say goodbye.
Weeks go by and you start to notice a pattern with this. You notice they always seem to bring up discussions that they know will cause an argument between the two of you, and then abruptly hang up the phone with no return call until the next day. You notice even when you try to stop the argument from escalating, they deliberately carry on until the argument ends with them hanging up the phone and not contacting you until the next day. You also notice which day of the week this always seems to take place: on a Friday and/or Saturday night.”
No, you are not losing your mind. Your partner is. The sociopath uses this diversion tactic as a way to have no contact with you. For whatever reason they cannot use their phone to speak to you, using the “I’m too angry to talk to you” excuse is the only way out of having to answer when you call. It also leaves an open space for them to insert lies about their whereabouts.
I have heard several reasons as to why they deliberately want to have no contact by phone on the weekends, however, the main reason was because they were with another woman (or man, depending on the circumstances). Notice your partner’s use of their cell phone whenever you are around them. Is the ringer always off? Is the phone hidden out of sight? Do they answer the phone when it rings? If they do not answer the phone when it rings whenever you are around them, chances are this is the same reason why they do not answer the phone whenever you call them. Big clue there.
Keep in mind this scenario does not necessarily have to only take place on the weekends alone. It could happen at anytime of the day or night on any given day, depending on when they are planning on indulging on whatever it is they are being secretive about. If the reason why they are acting oddly is because they are having sex with another woman or man behind your back, that would explain why they cannot answer their phone or make contact with you until that other woman or man is out of their presence for obvious reasons; they are lying to you and that person at the same time. They may not be having sex at all; just the fact that they are in the presence of someone with whom you may disagree with is probable cause for them to avoid answering their phone. Also, note their behavior when the two of you finally do make contact after an argument. If they appear joyful as if nothing ever happened, that is because they feel their plan worked; they have gotten away with whatever it is they wanted to get away with. If they feel their plan worked, be expecting them to use this tactic whenever they want to spend time with another woman (or man).
Most sociopaths try to make you think you are the one that is losing your mind by pretending the argument never happened, or, it was not that much of a big deal to resolve as they made it seem like it was when it happened. They do this for two reasons:
- At some point, they really do hope you will lose your mind trying to keep up with them. Remember: control equals power to them. If you are constantly distracted with thoughts of trying to figure them out, you will not be focused in your daily activities. You may make careless mistakes, miss important appointments, or just seem lethargic all time and not really caring to take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You may even start making silly mistakes, saying odd or weird things to people, or even worse, develop a sense of paranoia. The sociopath will use this against you. They will take your faults and use them to belittle you, attack your self-esteem by over-emphasizing your mistakes, and will manipulate the opportunity to implant false impressions into your mind that you need them in order to function properly. They may even point out your mistakes to make it look like they defending themselves each time you catch them in a lie to give the impression you are much worse as a person than they are.
- As I have stated in my previous article The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 2) and The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3) , sociopaths are masters as avoidance because they fear the truth. By not giving you closure on things they have done to you, they are affecting your psyche in ways that even you may not be able to decipher (see my article Something To Think About: Walls Were Made To Be Broken (part 1) ). If they can successfully manage to crack you up, there is less chances of anyone believing you when you telling the truth about what the sociopath has done to you. If you believe you are crazy, you start acting like you really are crazy. If you start acting like you are crazy, others will see you this way also. If the sociopath can discredit your word, they can get away with murder.
And I do literally mean MURDER…
May they all rest in peace…
(to be continued…)
© 2013 Learus Ohnine