The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 5)

“All week you have been preparing for the up and coming holiday, eagerly awaiting to spend the day surrounded by your family. You look forward to reminiscing with them about the days growing up together, catching up on the happenings of those lost moments shared with one another, and renewing the bond that was once broken years ago. It has been years since you last saw your family, and this reunion brings about the most important closure on a chapter in your life that has been plaguing you for a very long time. You have shared your excitement over this anticipated event with your loved one, who seems just as happy for you as you are… at first…

The holiday has arrived. You tell your mate how excited you are that you are going over to your family’s house later that evening. Suddenly, you see a change in your mate’s temperament. They say things they know will start a fight between you two; it is as if they are purposely trying to get a rise out of you before you go. Everything they are saying has nothing to do with the holiday or the evening itself; these were actually issues that were resolved long time ago. You are confused as to why when these issues were clearly and mutually resolved are they being brought back to the surface now, as if your mate never had an understanding to begin with. They claimed they did when the first argument took place about the same issues, and now all of a sudden, they have no recollection of ever resolving them. Not only that, most of these issues never had a legitimate basis to fight about to begin with; they were all fake complaints your mate made up themselves for you to waste countless hours in the day trying to work things out with them…

The time is winding down towards the time for you to leave for your family celebration. You need to get ready and your mate seems to be deliberately drawing out this argument on purpose. The more you express how upset they are making you over their defiance in resolving the matter before you leave, the more they try to antagonize you further by being more defiant. What happened to this person’s standards they stated they had in the beginning? They once told you they hate arguing, but as time goes on, they seem to start arguments at the drop of a dime and pick the oddest of times to start one. By now, your mate has you so upset to the point where you do not want to go, but you go anyway. With your mind totally disheveled and confused by the way your mate has just acted, you dry your eyes and try to calm your nerves before you head off to be with your family…”

Sociopaths DO NOT like for you to have a loving support system, i.e. family and friends. It is hard for them to effectively mentally traumatize you and break your will when you have access to people who will surround you with love and support to counteract the damages. This is why sociopaths usually target loners, divorcees, those fresh out of a failed romantic relationships, runaways, the “new kid on the block”, the “black sheep” of the family, and so on. These are the type of people whom the sociopath zeros in on quickly because they know their circumstances might not have them thinking clearly, their defenses are low, and their options are limited as to whom they can trust to turn to for accurate advice, help, and support when the sociopath starts playing with their mind. They will try to do everything possible to tear down any bond you may have between you and another supportive individual with whom they may feel threatened by. You will notice this repeated cycle mostly at times when you and your family will be spending time together.

If the sociopath is not acquainted with your family, meaning they have no direct contact with them, they will try to compensate for not being able to manipulate them by going through you. They will try to get you confused, angry, and even furious before you intend to be in the presence of your family in hopes this will cause you to say or do something irrational and take out your frustrations on them. In turn, the sociopath wants you to look like the one responsible for causing the rift between you and your family, and will you this guilt trip against you later. In the least, the sociopath will try to make you look crazy to your family by driving you crazy. The sociopath may think by doing this, it will cause your family to inadvertently discontinue their association with you themselves. Some sociopaths have even used the tactic of forcing you to choose by saying “it’s either me or them”, or they may throw fits of rage whenever your family does something nice for

you, buys you a gift, or helps you in any way possible and vice versa. The sociopath does this to make you feel guilty for any kind of generous acts exchanged between you and your relatives, hoping you will cease in doing so for fear of the wrath that comes along with it. Remember: all of this is a way for the sociopath to control you. This is why it is very important to let your family know your doubts, concerns, and anything else you find odd about the sociopath in your life so they can be aware of the situation. This is for your protection as well as theirs.

And above all else, DO NOT LET THE SOCIOPATH ISOLATE YOU FROM ANYONE YOU ARE ALREADY CLOSE TO!

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Happy Easter To All Of You!

Just want to wish everyone a happy Easter for those of you who celebrate it. I find this to be a very emotional holiday, more so than Christmas. It’s emotional to me because of what it represents: the resurrection of Jesus from the grave. In order for a resurrection to take place, there first had to be a death, and the kind of death he suffered was ridiculously brutal…

I’m sure most of you have either saw, read, or heard about the movie “The Passion of The Christ” by Mel Gibson. To me, both the scorging and crucifixion scenes were pretty mild compared to how it probably took place back in those days. Those Romans were brutal. No holds barred with them whatsoever.

And for a mother to have to sit back and helplessly watch her only son go through that kind of torture knowing there isn’t a darn thing she can do to protect him is just too much for me to handle emotionally. Seriously.

But on a more grateful note, I am grateful for what Jesus did for all of us. I could never repay him; I know this, and this is another reason why this holiday is so emotional for me. I could try to be as obedient to his Word as I possibly can, try to walk in his footsteps, and help as many people as I can. But most of all, I owe him my life.

I love you, Jesus! Thank you for all you’ve done from the bottom of my heart… ❤

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Just want to say…

Thank you all for the wonderful, inspiring, and thoughtful comments that I received on all of my articles. I am trying really hard to respond to all of your comments. It means so much to me to respond to all of you, as I am truly grateful to you for taking the time to read my articles.

The least I can do to show my gratitude is to acknowledge all of you, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to get to everyone’s comment at the moment. However, I promise to respond to all of them as soon as possible.

Thanks again to all of you for your time, and I hope my writings have inspired and/or assisted you in some manner. I hope you all visit again real soon! 🙂

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Differences Between A Sociopath And A Narcissist

When we try to analyze the people we cross paths with in society, it is possible to misinterpret our analysis for lack of a better understanding. For those who have crossed paths with a sociopath and a narcissist on separate occasions, it may seem like there is little to no difference between the two when in fact one can be mistaken for the other. Both are considered to be social terrorists, however, there are distinguishing characteristics that would imply neither of them are one in the same. Therefore, I would like to explain briefly the differences in character between these two personality disorders…

Narcissist will let you know up front what they are about. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake). They generally do not tell these stories for any other gain than to hear praises. They have an unquenchable desire to be admired, worshiped, and adulated with no real gain from those that respond to them in this way other than to feed their own ego. They need to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering.

Sociopath will NOT let you know up front what they are about, because they wear a mask to hide their true identity. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake, but mostly fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake, but mostly fake.) They generally tell these stories to appear as a “good person” to gain trust and as a cover-up for their ulterior motives. They have the same unquenchable desires as the Narcissist as a result of the power and control they gain over their victims. They do not care to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering unless doing so promises to earn them more unsuspecting victims.

 

Here’s a few more brief distinguishing characteristics:

A Narcissist can have a conscious/conscience, and will sometimes hurt others unintentionally. A Sociopath has no conscious/conscience whatsoever, nor do they have any remorse for hurting others intentionally; the more damage, the better they feel.

A Narcissist can be constructive. A Sociopath is always destructive.

A Narcissist’s world can be built by their own hands. A Sociopath prefers their world to be built by someone else’s hands, and will take full credit for it.

A Narcissist is self-deceptive. A Sociopath is socially deceptive.

A Narcissist needs admirers. A Sociopath needs victims.

A Narcissist needs to be adulated to appease their insecurities and fragile ego. A Sociopath needs to be adulated to appease and camouflage their ulterior motives.

A Narcissist lacks empathy in the form of belittling, name-calling, and defaming another’s character. A Sociopath lacks empathy in a criminal or physically violent way.

A Narcissist accepts who they are but exploits themselves in an overly-exaggerated and excessively-dramatic grandiose manner. A Sociopath pretends to be someone who they are not to hide their hidden agendas in order to keep from being exploited.

 

Both think they are superior to anyone and everyone they meet. Both think they deserve special treatment. Both process the world differently, and both play to “win.” However, it is possible for both personality traits to be combined into one, which is called a “Narcissistic Sociopath” , and is more dangerous to deal with than the two individuals separately.

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 4)

“You two have just had what seemed like the argument of a lifetime. You are totally devastated by what you have just heard come out of your partner’s mouth. Your partner has just blamed you for something you have no clue of. They are This is the same partner that has always seemed so sensible about communication, stating that they prefer to resolve disagreements as soon as they happen to avoid unnecessary confusion. Now that you have done everything within your power to explain your side of the situation to them, they refuse to listen nor do they seem to want to be corrected. The more you try to correct them, the louder they speak. Then all of a sudden, they hung up the phone quicker than you could have a chance to react.

You try to call them back repeatedly but to no avail. They do not answer, and there is no return call back from them. And so you wait, and wait, and wait for them to call you back. Still no call back. You send them text message after text message. There is no reply back from them. You began to wonder what is the problem; why have they not called you back and discussed the problem even after you have explained to them in a text message stating how wrong their facts were and that the two of you need to talk in person. You know that all this could easily be resolved IF only they would answer their phone…

Hours have passed since your last call or text message to them. A strange feeling comes over you as if something just does not seem right. Their behavior does not match up to what they said in the beginning about open communication during times of disagreements. There have been times in the past when you two have disagreed over something, and there has always be a resolution between the two of you shortly after the disagreement. But this time, they seem as if they are deliberately keeping the distance between you so that this issue cannot be resolved.

The entire day has gone by and still no return call or text message from them. Finally, the next day, they return your calls. The funny thing about this call  is… they appear as if nothing is wrong, that nothing ever happened the night before, and no argument ever took place. It is as if yesterday never existed. Confused, you ask them about the argument that happened last night and sincerely express how you would like to discuss it. They respond with a nonchalant ‘oh that, that’s water under the bridge. Let’s talk about something else’, and proceed to carry on about their plans for the day, ask you what yours are, and abruptly end the call with a promise to call you back later. They hang up the phone before you even had a chance to say goodbye.

Weeks go by and you start to notice a pattern with this. You notice they always seem to bring up discussions that they know will cause an argument between the two of you, and then abruptly hang up the phone with no return call until the next day. You notice even when you try to stop the argument from escalating, they deliberately carry on until the argument ends with them hanging up the phone and not contacting you until the next day. You also notice which day of the week this always seems to take place: on a Friday and/or Saturday night.”

 

 

 

No, you are not losing your mind. Your partner is. The sociopath uses this diversion tactic as a way to have no contact with you. For whatever reason they cannot use their phone to speak to you, using the “I’m too angry to talk to you” excuse is the only way out of having to answer when you call. It also leaves an open space for them to insert lies about their whereabouts.

I have heard several reasons as to why they deliberately want to have no contact by phone on the weekends, however, the main reason was because they were with another woman (or man, depending on the circumstances). Notice your partner’s use of their cell phone whenever you are around them. Is the ringer always off? Is the phone hidden out of sight? Do they answer the phone when it rings? If they do not answer the phone when it rings whenever you are around them, chances are this is the same reason why they do not answer the phone whenever you call them. Big clue there.

 

 

 

 

Keep in mind this scenario does not necessarily have to only take place on the weekends alone. It could happen at anytime of the day or night on any given day, depending on when they are planning on indulging on whatever it is they are being secretive about. If the reason why they are acting oddly is because they are having sex with another woman or man behind your back, that would explain why they cannot answer their phone or make contact with you until that other woman or man is out of their presence for obvious reasons; they are lying to you and that person at the same time. They may not be having sex at all; just the fact that they are in the presence of someone with whom you may disagree with is probable cause for them to avoid answering their phone. Also, note their behavior when the two of you finally do make contact after an argument. If they appear joyful as if nothing ever happened, that is because they feel their plan worked; they have gotten away with whatever it is they wanted to get away with. If they feel their plan worked, be expecting them to use this tactic whenever they want to spend time with another woman (or man).

 

Eeeeeeek!

 

woman-going-crazy

 

 

Most sociopaths try to make you think you are the one that is losing your mind by pretending the argument never happened, or, it was not that much of a big deal to resolve as they made it seem like it was when it happened. They do this for two reasons:

 

  1. At some point, they really do hope you will lose your mind trying to keep up with them. Remember: control equals power to them. If you are constantly distracted with thoughts of trying to figure them out, you will not be focused in your daily activities. You may make careless mistakes, miss important appointments, or just seem lethargic all time and not really caring to take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You may even start making silly mistakes, saying odd or weird things to people, or even worse, develop a sense of paranoia. The sociopath will use this against you. They will take your faults and use them to belittle you, attack your self-esteem by over-emphasizing your mistakes, and will manipulate the opportunity to implant false impressions into your mind that you need them in order to function properly. They may even point out your mistakes to make it look like they defending themselves each time you catch them in a lie to give the impression you are much worse as a person than they are. 
  2. As I have stated in my previous article The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 2)  and The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3) , sociopaths are masters as avoidance because they fear the truth. By not giving you closure on things they have done to you, they are affecting your psyche in ways that even you may not be able to decipher (see my article Something To Think About: Walls Were Made To Be Broken (part 1) ). If they can successfully manage to crack you up, there is less chances of anyone believing you when you telling the truth about what the sociopath has done to you. If you believe you are crazy, you start acting like you really are crazy. If you start acting like you are crazy, others will see you this way also. If the sociopath can discredit your word, they can get away with murder.

 

And I do literally mean MURDER…

R.I.P. baby

 

 

R.I.P. baby

 

 

May they all rest in peace…

 

(to be continued…)

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

A Blast From The Past

Just had to share this thought…

(and I know you’re reading this, too…)

I recently had an encounter with an ex-lover who wanted to get back together again. I’m not against reconciliations in general. By all means, I know there are some happy endings out there for those who have tried to get back together after a break up. For me, it is not that simple. The factors that broke us up in the first place are what needs to be considered first before I would even entertain the risk of allowing this person back into my life. Needless to say, this guy had quite a few irreconcilable factors working against him.

For one, I cannot stand cheaters. That, to me, is the most appalling, unnecessary, and sickening thing anyone can be. The thought of swapping germs with some stranger because your lover slept with them behind your back and has now passed their DNA on to you is so nauseating to me. I do not tolerate any excuses or reasons for cheating since I am not a cheater myself. I do not see the logic in it. I do not search for the logic in it, neither.

(Cheating is one of those deal breakers that is not acceptable as far as I am concerned. All it takes is one time, and I am done with you. No exceptions. No “oops it was an accident” alibi will be accepted. Accidents are things such as slipping on a banana peel or a patch of ice and falling. How does one accidentally slip and fall into a vagina?? Seriously?!)

Second, I cannot tolerate liars. Lies destroy any chances of me ever trusting you, even if it is a “white lie” or “small” lie when it comes to getting to know a potential lover. For me, ALL lies are dark and big in regards to relationships! Lies prevent a good, solid foundation of trust from ever forming in a relationship. Without trust, there is no relationship. You would just be a waste of my time.

Third, I do not tolerate games. I expect romance games to come from a teenager, not a x-something year old man. Find some other substantial way to get my attention or to see how I feel about you, otherwise, you can expect my interest dwindle down to zilch very quickly. Hey I have a brilliant idea; why not try ASKING ME DIRECTLY? Oh wait, you did try that when we were together, but you thought I was playing games. Now I see why; because you were playing them all along. That’s just crazy. The word “paranoid” comes to mind, and rightfully so. What goes around certainly does come back around, but I can assure you it will not be by me. Period.

Third, do not try to come back into my life just as jacked up as you were when I got you out of it. Remember, I know you well, probably better than you know yourself, and can tell when you are about to lie to me well before you can fix your mouth to say it. Your morals, principles, and standards have not changed. In fact, you never had any; it is kind of hard to fix something you never had in the first place. All that will end up happening if we did get back together is we will end up right back at square one again-broken up. And probably within the first date or two. Again, a waste of time.

Fourth, I cannot stand two-faced people; grinning in my face while you speak horrific things about another person, then going to that same person grinning in their face speaking horrific things about me to them. That is just too girly of a trait to have as a man as far as I am concerned, not to mention childish and immature. Behavior like that also makes me question whether or not if you really are a heterosexual, also. To be honest, I still do wonder…

In closing, if you do not ever hear from me again, you now know why. In case you are still in a fog as to why, I will put it to you as simply this: I do not like emotional rollercoasters. You were the worst ride anyone has ever taken me on in my life; a bunch of senseless drops, turns, and twists that had no logical point to them other than for your own sadistic, sick and twisted entertainment. I do not wish to ride that coaster again. I have learned quite a bit while on your ride, and I can say I am grateful for the lessons I have learned from it all and the precious wisdom I have gained as a result of those lessons. Ironically, your mess turned into my treasure…the hard way, yet, in the most profitable of ways that has taken me to places and introduced people into my life that I would have probably never met otherwise.

So save the speeches about how things will be different this time around, because I am the one who really has changed although you haven’t. I am not the risk-taker you once knew.

Still wishing you all the best. Have a nice life 🙂

© 2013 Learus Ohnine