The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 5)

“All week you have been preparing for the up and coming holiday, eagerly awaiting to spend the day surrounded by your family. You look forward to reminiscing with them about the days growing up together, catching up on the happenings of those lost moments shared with one another, and renewing the bond that was once broken years ago. It has been years since you last saw your family, and this reunion brings about the most important closure on a chapter in your life that has been plaguing you for a very long time. You have shared your excitement over this anticipated event with your loved one, who seems just as happy for you as you are… at first…

The holiday has arrived. You tell your mate how excited you are that you are going over to your family’s house later that evening. Suddenly, you see a change in your mate’s temperament. They are saying things that they know will start a fight between you two; it is as if your mate is purposely trying to get a rise out of you before you go.

Everything they are saying has nothing to do with the holiday or the evening itself; these were actually issues that were resolved long time ago. You are confused as to why when these issues were clearly and mutually resolved are they being brought back to the surface now, as if your mate never had an understanding to begin with. They claimed they did when the first argument took place about the same issues, and now all of a sudden, they have no recollection of ever resolving them. Not only that, most of these issues never had a legitimate basis to fight about to begin with; they were all fake complaints your mate made up themselves for you to waste countless hours in the day trying to work things out with them…

The time is winding down towards the time for you to leave for your family celebration. You need to get ready and your mate seems to be deliberately drawing out this argument on purpose. The more you express how upset they are making you over their defiance in resolving the matter before you leave, the more they try to antagonize you further by being more defiant. What happened to this person’s standards they stated they had in the beginning? They once told you they hate arguing, but as time goes on, they seem to start arguments at the drop of a dime and pick the oddest of times to start one. By now, your mate has you so upset to the point where you do not want to go, but you go anyway. With your mind totally disheveled and confused by the way your mate has just acted, you dry your eyes and try to calm your nerves before you head off to be with your family…”

Sociopaths DO NOT like for you to have a loving support system, i.e. family and friends. It is hard for them to effectively mentally traumatize you and break your will when you have access to people who will surround you with love and support to counteract the damages. This is why sociopaths usually target loners, divorcees, those fresh out of a failed romantic relationships, runaways, the “new kid on the block”, the “black sheep” of the family, and so on. These are the type of people whom the sociopath zeros in on quickly because they know their circumstances might not have them thinking clearly, their defenses are low, and their options are limited as to whom they can trust to turn to for accurate advice, help, and support when the sociopath starts playing with their mind. They will try to do everything possible to tear down any bond you may have between you and another supportive individual with whom they may feel threatened by. You will notice this repeated cycle mostly at times when you and your family will be spending time together.

If the sociopath is not acquainted with your family, meaning they have no direct contact with them, they will try to compensate for not being able to manipulate them by going through you. They will try to get you confused, angry and even furious before you intend to be in the presence of your family in hopes this will cause you to say or do something irrational and take out your frustrations on them. In turn, the sociopath wants you to look like the one responsible for causing the rift between you and your family, and will use this guilt trip against you later. In other words, the sociopath will try to make you look crazy to your family by driving you crazy. The sociopath may think by doing this, it will cause your family to inadvertently discontinue their association with you themselves.

Some sociopaths have even used the tactic of forcing you to choose by saying “it’s either me or them,” or they may throw fits of rage whenever your family does something nice for you, buys you gifts or helps you financially, and vice versa. The sociopath does this to make you feel guilty for any kind of generous acts exchanged between you and your relatives, hoping you will cease in doing so for fear of their wrath that comes along with it. Remember: all of this is a way for the sociopath to control you. This is why it is very important to let your family know your doubts, concerns, and anything else you find odd about the sociopath in your life so they can be aware of the situation. This is for your protection as well as theirs.

And above all else, DO NOT LET THE SOCIOPATH ISOLATE YOU FROM ANYONE YOU ARE ALREADY CLOSE TO!

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Differences Between A Sociopath And A Narcissist

When we try to analyze the people we cross paths with in society, it is possible to misinterpret our analysis for lack of a better understanding. For those who have crossed paths with a sociopath and a narcissist on separate occasions, it may seem like there is little to no difference between the two when in fact one can be mistaken for the other. Both are considered to be social terrorists, however, there are distinguishing characteristics that would imply neither of them are one in the same. Therefore, I would like to explain briefly the differences in character between these two personality disorders…

A Narcissist will let you know up front what they are about. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake). They generally do not tell these stories for any other gain than to hear praises. They have an unquenchable desire to be admired, worshiped, and adulated with no real gain from those that respond to them in this way other than to feed their own ego. They need to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering.

A Sociopath will NOT let you know up front what they are about, because they wear a mask to hide their true identity. They will tell you grandiose stories of themselves of either their accomplishments (real or fake, but mostly fake) or of their associations with important people (real or fake, but mostly fake.) They generally tell these stories to appear as a “good person” to gain trust and as a cover-up for their ulterior motives. They have the same unquenchable desires as the Narcissist as a result of the power and control they gain over their victims. They do not care to be the center of attention at all times in any social gathering unless doing so promises to earn them more unsuspecting victims.

 

Here’s a few more brief distinguishing characteristics:

A Narcissist can have a conscious/conscience, and will sometimes hurt others unintentionally. A Sociopath has no conscious/conscience whatsoever, nor do they have any remorse for hurting others intentionally; the more damage, the better they feel.

A Narcissist can be constructive. A Sociopath is always destructive.

A Narcissist’s world can be built by their own hands. A Sociopath prefers their world to be built by someone else’s hands, and will take full credit for it.

A Narcissist is self-deceptive. A Sociopath is socially deceptive.

A Narcissist needs admirers. A Sociopath needs victims.

A Narcissist needs to be adulated to appease their insecurities and fragile ego. A Sociopath needs to be adulated to appease and camouflage their ulterior motives.

A Narcissist lacks empathy in the form of belittling, name-calling, and defaming another’s character. A Sociopath lacks empathy in a criminal or physically violent way.

A Narcissist accepts who they are but exploits themselves in an overly-exaggerated and excessively-dramatic grandiose manner. A Sociopath pretends to be someone who they are not to hide their hidden agendas in order to keep from being exploited.

 

Both think they are superior to anyone and everyone they meet. Both think they deserve special treatment. Both process the world differently, and both play to “win.” However, it is possible for both personality traits to be combined into one, which is called a “Narcissistic Sociopath” , and is more dangerous to deal with than the two individuals separately.

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 4)

“You two have just had what seemed like the argument of a lifetime. You are totally devastated by what you have just heard come out of your partner’s mouth. Your partner has just blamed you for something you have no clue of. They are This is the same partner that has always seemed so sensible about communication, stating that they prefer to resolve disagreements as soon as they happen to avoid unnecessary confusion. Now that you have done everything within your power to explain your side of the situation to them, they refuse to listen nor do they seem to want to be corrected. The more you try to correct them, the louder they speak. Then all of a sudden, they hung up the phone quicker than you could have a chance to react.

You try to call them back repeatedly but to no avail. They do not answer, and there is no return call back from them. And so you wait, and wait, and wait for them to call you back. Still no call back. You send them text message after text message. There is no reply back from them. You began to wonder what is the problem; why have they not called you back and discussed the problem even after you have explained to them in a text message stating how wrong their facts were and that the two of you need to talk in person. You know that all this could easily be resolved IF only they would answer their phone…

Hours have passed since your last call or text message to them. A strange feeling comes over you as if something just does not seem right. Their behavior does not match up to what they said in the beginning about open communication during times of disagreements. There have been times in the past when you two have disagreed over something, and there has always be a resolution between the two of you shortly after the disagreement. But this time, they seem as if they are deliberately keeping the distance between you so that this issue cannot be resolved.

The entire day has gone by and still no return call or text message from them. Finally, the next day, they return your calls. The funny thing about this call  is… they appear as if nothing is wrong, that nothing ever happened the night before, and no argument ever took place. It is as if yesterday never existed. Confused, you ask them about the argument that happened last night and sincerely express how you would like to discuss it. They respond with a nonchalant ‘oh that, that’s water under the bridge. Let’s talk about something else’, and proceed to carry on about their plans for the day, ask you what yours are, and abruptly end the call with a promise to call you back later. They hang up the phone before you even had a chance to say goodbye.

Weeks go by and you start to notice a pattern with this. You notice they always seem to bring up discussions that they know will cause an argument between the two of you, and then abruptly hang up the phone with no return call until the next day. You notice even when you try to stop the argument from escalating, they deliberately carry on until the argument ends with them hanging up the phone and not contacting you until the next day. You also notice which day of the week this always seems to take place: on a Friday and/or Saturday night.”

 

 

 

No, you are not losing your mind. Your partner is. The sociopath uses this diversion tactic as a way to have no contact with you. For whatever reason they cannot use their phone to speak to you, using the “I’m too angry to talk to you” excuse is the only way out of having to answer when you call. It also leaves an open space for them to insert lies about their whereabouts.

I have heard several reasons as to why they deliberately want to have no contact by phone on the weekends, however, the main reason was because they were with another woman (or man, depending on the circumstances). Notice your partner’s use of their cell phone whenever you are around them. Is the ringer always off? Is the phone hidden out of sight? Do they answer the phone when it rings? If they do not answer the phone when it rings whenever you are around them, chances are this is the same reason why they do not answer the phone whenever you call them. Big clue there.

 

 

 

 

Keep in mind this scenario does not necessarily have to only take place on the weekends alone. It could happen at anytime of the day or night on any given day, depending on when they are planning on indulging on whatever it is they are being secretive about. If the reason why they are acting oddly is because they are having sex with another woman or man behind your back, that would explain why they cannot answer their phone or make contact with you until that other woman or man is out of their presence for obvious reasons; they are lying to you and that person at the same time. They may not be having sex at all; just the fact that they are in the presence of someone with whom you may disagree with is probable cause for them to avoid answering their phone. Also, note their behavior when the two of you finally do make contact after an argument. If they appear joyful as if nothing ever happened, that is because they feel their plan worked; they have gotten away with whatever it is they wanted to get away with. If they feel their plan worked, be expecting them to use this tactic whenever they want to spend time with another woman (or man).

 

Eeeeeeek!

 

 

 

Most sociopaths try to make you think you are the one that is losing your mind by pretending the argument never happened, or, it was not that much of a big deal to resolve as they made it seem like it was when it happened. They do this for two reasons:

 

1. At some point, they really do hope you will lose your mind trying to keep up with them. Remember: control equals power to them. If you are constantly distracted with thoughts of trying to figure them out, you will not be focused in your daily activities. You may make careless mistakes, miss important appointments, or just seem lethargic all time and not really caring to take care of yourself or your responsibilities. You may even start making silly mistakes, saying odd or weird things to people, or even worse, develop a sense of paranoia. The sociopath will use this against you. They will take your faults and use them to belittle you, attack your self-esteem by over-emphasizing your mistakes, and will manipulate the opportunity to implant false impressions into your mind that you need them in order to function properly. They may even point out your mistakes to make it look like they defending themselves each time you catch them in a lie to give the impression you are much worse as a person than they are. 
2. As I have stated in my previous article The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 2)  and The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3) , sociopaths are masters as avoidance because they fear the truth. By not giving you closure on things they have done to you, they are affecting your psyche in ways that even you may not be able to decipher (see my article Something To Think About: Walls Were Made To Be Broken (part 1) ). If they can successfully manage to crack you up, there is less chances of anyone believing you when you telling the truth about what the sociopath has done to you. If you believe you are crazy, you start acting like you really are crazy. If you start acting like you are crazy, others will see you this way also. If the sociopath can discredit your word, they can get away with murder.

 

And I do literally mean MURDER…

 

 

R.I.P. baby

 

 

May they all rest in peace…

 

(to be continued…)

 

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 3)

“You find yourself totally and completely falling in love with this person as time moves on. However, there is something erratic about their behavior that you cannot quite put your finger on, but your intuition is telling you something is not quite right. One day, they seem like the life of the party around you; cheerful, helpful, entertaining and radiant in your presence. But the next day, they may verbally state that they hate your guts for no apparent reason at all.

You may even notice them acting this way throughout an entire day; elated one minute, extremely hostile the next. Even when you two have had hardly any contact with each other at all, this behavior is still exhibited by them without cause or reason from your point of view.

So you decide to ask them what you did to upset them so much, but they cannot answer with a direct answer. They beat around the bush, they play games, they use sarcasm at inappropriate moments, they try distracting you from focusing on the question, and they may even play the ‘surrender role’ by stating things like ‘whatever you think the answer is’ or ‘take a guess why I’m acting this way’. The more you try to get to the bottom of the problem, the more they try to avoid telling the truth…“

Truth: something the sociopath fears because:                                

• With truth comes exposure…
• With exposure comes clarity…
• With clarity come closure…
• With closure comes liberation.

Some say the sociopath has no fears because they have no conscious. That is not true. The sociopath fears being exposed for what and who they really are. It does not bother their conscious when they lie to you, cheat on you, steal from you, etc., but one thing that does torment their conscious is the fear of the mask that they wear in public will be ripped off and the sociopath in them will be revealed. When you know the truth of what (and who) it is you are dealing with, you are able to clearly see which direction you should go: to stay or to leave. Not only do you know which direction you should go, you also know if further attention concerning your safety needs to be addressed (sociopaths despise “losing” at their games and think nothing of getting revenge so they can feel like they have “won”).

Believe it or not, the sociopath does not want you to leave, at least not until they know without a reasonable doubt that they have another victim lined up to take your place immediately after your departure. The sociopath is satisfied with you as long as you are serving their needs and believing their lies; it is when they think you are starting to catch on to their lies is when they begin to panic and will start looking for another unsuspecting victim as a backup plan for their goals. In fact, some sociopaths will try to maintain two relationships at once, thereby always having a victim to rely on for their needs.

As long as the sociopath can keep you blinded to important facts about the relationship, they have control over how you live your life, your peace of mind and your sense of self. Remember: they need to “feed” on the fears, the wants, and the needs of others in order to feel like they have a sense of power and control.  This is why they were so charming in the beginning so they could win your undivided affection and trust. It is no wonder why their erratic behavior is so baffling since they seemed so sincere at first, and also the main reason why they try to avoid having to answer for their monstrous behavior in the end… because they are terrified of being exposed.

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Mission Impossible…Or is it?

I don’t understand the logic behind the way some people think. For instance, when I see two women fighting over a man, or vice versa (two men fighting over a woman).

What sense does it make to fight over someone who obviously has no respect for you anyway, because if they did, they would not have cheated on you in the first place?

This is just my opinion of course, but somehow or another I cannot for the life of me understand why another woman (or man) would go after someone else who was cheating with their mate without realizing that person could not do what they did without your mate’s consent. Your mate allowed it to happen, yet I hardly ever hear of the cheater getting attacked; it is always the cheater’s accomplice that gets the brunt end of the anger.

Maybe I’m just being old-fashioned, but last I heard when someone cheats on you once, chances are they will do it again. If someone cheats WITH you, chances are they will cheat ON you as well.

So honestly, what mission does one expect to accomplish by fighting over this? I get so confused when I hear people say they are going after the person who was fooling around with their mate. Going after them for what? To defend their honor over something that was never really all theirs to begin with? Or was it so that they could remind the other person who knows they were over-stepping their boundaries that they should not have… over-stepped their boundaries? Yeah. Right. I don’t get it…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Insanity: Stop The Drama!

What is the definition of insanity? No need to go looking up an “official” definition of the word. We all already know what it is…because we all do it.

 

 

 

Just like Mr. Albert Einstein said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Think about it. That one friend or lover that keeps “taking a dump” on your head;  you still accept their apology (if any), continue on with associating with them, then complain about how insane they are when they do the same thing again. We cannot legitimately say the offender is the one who is insane, for they get the same results they were expecting to get out of us every time. But what about the offended? What sense does it make for the offended to expect a different result out of an offender when they are known for being repetitiously offensive?

 

 

 

WAKE UP PEOPLE!! 

 

 

 

 

A person can only do as much to you as you let them do to you, so…don’t you think it’s time for YOU to stop being insane??

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

 

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 2)

“So it is now just one week away from your anticipated outing with the person you have fallen in love with. All plans have been discussed, understood, and agreed upon. You find yourself constantly thinking about the perfect outfit to wear, fantasize about what you two will share, and daydream about how the day will end. Throughout this entire week, you have been feeling all giddy inside thanks to this wonderful person who has an uncanny ability to say the right things to you at the right time. You have never felt as connected to someone as you do right now.

During the outing, you two seem to be having a terrific time and you find yourself wanting to open up more and more to this person. They seem to draw it all out of you with ease by making you feel so comfortable and safe around them. They appear to be an open book; holding nothing back about their hopes, their dreams, and their fears. They mention about how they have been grossly misunderstood all their life, and all they want is to find that one person who they can connect with; someone who is not vindictive or spiteful like all the rest have been towards them in spite of their efforts to help them. This person, who seems so eager to learn what makes you tick, tells you you are like a “vacation” for them, and expresses how much they enjoy learning more about you. You cannot believe just how much ground you two have uncovered about each other in such a short period of time. It seems like you two have a real connection going on with each other along with so many things in common. You want more than anything else in the world to give a sincere honest impression of yourself, so you do not hold anything back in hopes of earning their trust. You decide to open yourself up to this person with all sincerity of the truth from your heart, just the way they did towards you. Therefore, you too begin to talk endlessly about your hopes, your dreams, and your fears… your fears.

(Uh oh, big mistake…)

After all this talk about what makes each other tick, you feel you can completely trust this person with all of your heart, mind, and soul. You confide this fact with them, and are delighted to know that they feel the same way about you, too. Because of this new revelation, you two agree to become closer and closer, making more and more plans together…

(…and then the nightmare REALLY begins…)

After a few weeks (or days even), you start to notice a considerable change in this person since the very beginning. They tell to call them anytime, but when you do, they are always unavailable. They tell you stop by anytime, but when you do, they are always too busy for company. They seem to say one thing, but do another that is nothing even close to what they say they will do. They seem to call less, text less, and when there is an open line of communication between the two of you, it is very short and very brief with little or no substance to what this person says. You start to feel as if you may have made a big mistake by trusting every word this person has said to you. You express this concern to them, who in turn assures you everything is fine, you did not make any mistakes at all, and you are just being paranoid. Your mind and heart begin to battle each other. 

Your mind considers every rational behind why they say you are being paranoid, yet your heart still tells you something is definitely not right with their rational. Before you can discuss more about how unsure you are feeling, the person has moved on to other subjects seemingly non-stop without giving you the chance to get not even one word in edgewise. The next thing you know, something has came up and the person has to end the conversation, but promises to continue it when they call you later on that day. Without thinking twice about it, you wonder exactly when will this person call again since they seem to be sporadic with keeping their word. Surprisingly, they call you later that same day just like they said they would, however, they seem very irritated when you try to pick up the conversation from where the two of you left off at. They brush your concerns off of discussing anything about the changes in their behavior, belittle you for making such a fuss over how you feel, and somehow manage to shift the blame for their behavior onto you by stating every illogical reason why it is your fault. You are stunned at their accusations that are mixed with fact and fiction, but still try to defend yourself by correcting their bizarre beliefs. They ignore what you say regardless of how accurate you point out the flaws in their theories. Suddenly they end the conversation, leaving you bewildered and confused as to what just happened.”

First, let me explain why it is a big mistake to open yourself up to a sociopath. Two of the defining traits of a sociopath are glibness and superficiality. The sociopath likes to play with words. By this, I mean the sociopath has a way of explaining  their childhood, their family, their friends, and the relationships they have experienced by mixing lies with the truth without giving away too much detail that will expose themselves for what they truly are. Most all of their stories usually entail how they were either a hero or a victim, depending on whatever tales and adventures you have told, they try to match theirs up with yours to make it appear you two have an enormous amount in common. They use this technique in order to get you to trust them quicker. When you trust someone, you are more apt to open yourself up to them with sincerity, clarity, and honesty. Remember, the core reason for everything the sociopath does is that unquenchable desire to control in order to feel powerful. The only way they can do this is by learning you, and they usually succeed through their deceptive recollections of the woes, chaos, and misery they have experienced in each relationship they have ever had. What they will fail to tell you is how they were the ones who caused all the woes, misery, and chaos.

Second, the sociopath does not begin to open up unless they have verified you will not question them too deeply about the things they say and/or do, because this will afford them space they need to tell more lies that all sound believable. As long as they know they are deceiving you, they will feel as though they are in control of you. As long as they feel they are in control of you, they feel powerful. For example, in the scenario described in the beginning of The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 1) , the sociopath was never questioned for their odd change in behavior. They were never asked if anything was wrong that would warrant their strange behavior because they made sure it was clearly understood how much they despise questions. Usually, the sociopath despises questions because they tend to lie so much and so often that they lose track of what they have already told you. When questioned, they become furious. Any normal human being who is telling the truth would have no problem explaining the truth again. For the sociopath, it is mentally agonizing to recall everything that they have already said since a majority of what they have said was a lie. 

Lastly, the sociopath needs to know what makes you tick to learn how much they can get away with. They probe you looking for any weaknesses you may have. These weaknesses are what they will use to exploit you later on when they cannot have their way with having control and power over you. Remember in The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 1) , they first started satisfying their need to control and feel powerful by causing enormous pain and suffering on helpless animals. The keyword here is “helpless”. During the entire time you are opening up to the sociopath, they are looking for anything they see as a sign of weakness that they can use to break you down to a level of helplessness. While you are opening up to them, the first thing that grabs their undivided attention is your fears.  If you have not already opening expressed them, they will most definitely ask about them. Your fears equals their control.

In a healthy relationship, we want to know our partner’s fears so we can make sure they never ever happen. When the sociopath know your fears, they will devise plans to make them come true in order to get their way, and more importantly, to feel like they have some sort of power and control over you. Eventually, you will give in to their unreasonable demands after they have exploited your fears in hopes the sociopath will stop this sadistic way of manipulating you into submission. They do the same with your hopes and dreams; they will deliberately find ways to intercept them, delay them, and even destroy them when they cannot have their way as a way of showing you just how much control they can have over you. In this, you will get the chance to see just how cold and heartless they can be, for they have no boundaries as to what lengths they will go to make sure they get what they want. But mostly, the sociopath will pretend to be concerned in making your hopes and dreams come true (especially if it involves a “happy ending” with them) as a way to keep you holding on to this dysfunctional relationship that will only reveal itself to be a catastrophic failure in the end. This provides them with a sense of security while they secretly plan and plot to get whatever it is they want to get out of you.

This type of behavior is called “passive aggressiveness”, and is the prime tool the sociopath uses to mentally torture you once they have won you completely. Some of the ways the sociopath might behave to achieve control are listed below:

Non-Communication: when there is clearly something problematic to discuss

Avoiding/Ignoring: when you are so angry that you feel you cannot speak calmly

Evading: problems and issues, burying an angry head in the sand

Procrastinating: intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones

Obstructing: deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change

Fear of Competition: Avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something

Ambiguity: Being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations

Sulking: Being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.

Chronic Lateness: A way to put you in control over others and their expectations

Chronic Forgetting: Shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way

Fear of Intimacy: Often there can be trust issues with passive aggressive people and guarding against becoming too intimately involved or attached will be a way for them to feel in control of the relationship

Making Excuses: Always coming up with reasons for not doing things

Victimisation: Unable to look at their own part in a situation will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one

Self-Pity: the poor me scenario

Blaming: others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation as a whole.

Withholding: usual behaviours or roles for example sex, cooking and cleaning or making cups of tea, running a bath etc. all to reinforce an already unclear message to the other party

Learned Helplessness: where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves – deliberately doing a poor job of something for which they are often explicitly responsible

The above except was taken from the following website: What is Passive Aggressive Behavior?

(to be continued…)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 1)

“You have attracted the attention of one of the most wonderful people on the planet… or so it seems. He/She initially swept you off your feet with what appears to be a deep concern for your well-being along with their impeccable amount of attention focused on every aspect of your life, the past, present, and future. He/She seems so interested in getting to know you. They constantly praise you for your achievements, accomplishments and pending goals. They have a profound interest in your past relationships as well as your past in general. If you are a parent, they will offer advice that seems harmless and flawless, because after all, they appear to have such expertise in anything and everything they speak about. To you, they are flawless; you both have the same standards, morals, and principles. You cannot believe just how lucky you are to actually have someone like this person walk into your life at the right moment. They are such a charmer, and every word they speak sounds so sincere.  The amount of ease this person makes you feel is incredible. 

(However, something still just does not seem right, but you cannot quite put your finger on what it is…)

As time moves on, you begin to notice little glitches in their words. They hop from subject to subject quicker than a flame can burn through a plastic bag. They seem scattered in the way they think. “Oh they just have some problems like they told me”, you say to yourself. You start thinking with a little more support and understanding, you can help them cope with their problems they once stated they have. All they need is to know they have someone in their corner no matter what, and so you declare your concern for helping them. You want to make it clear to this person they are not alone. 

(And then the nightmare begins…)

You two have just finished an ordinary conversation on the telephone like usual. They tell you about their day; you tell them about yours. They tell you about some goals they have, and you share yours with them as well. Within the discussion, they tell you they think it is a great idea that the two of you work together in helping each other meet those goals. They mention a few plans they have in mind that they would like to do with you, and you willing agree to them without a second thought. You confess how happy they have made you, they express how happy they are to have found someone like you, and they cannot wait for the moment to come when you two start your adventures together. Now, you both have something to look forward to… or so you think…

You decide to call this person back a little while later to share a new thought on your joint up-and-coming adventures. As soon as they answer, you cannot believe your ears. They sound totally different about the adventures as they did before. They seem less interested before you even get a chance to speak. They lack the same enthusiasm as they showed before. “How can this person change so quickly?” you may ask yourself. This makes you curious as to why the sudden change in attitude, but you do not question it, and certainly do not want to question them for fear of losing them. After all, they told you most of the relationships they were in dissolved because they were sick of being questioned. Instead, you make excuses for them as to why they could be acting this way instead of finding out the truth for yourself.

(“The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.” Proverbs 14:11)

The following day, you notice there is less and less enthusiasm from the person about your day, your thoughts, your life, and your problems which this person seemed so eager to find solutions to up until this point. In fact, you find yourself doing all the contacting with this person whereas they used to contact you non-stop. You think to yourself maybe this is not a good day for them as they begin to make you feel as if you are bothering them, and so you wait. They contact you the next day. You suddenly notice changes in their personality and conflicting stories, standards, morals, and principles with the ones they have previously told you before. You think to yourself again “Oh they just have some problems they need to work out like they said”, but deep down, a part of you begins to wonder what is really going on…”

Self-deception; when you are deceived, you do not know you are deceived. This trait in you is like seventh heaven to a sociopath…

Before I go any further, let me explain what a sociopath really is. A sociopath, or psychopath, is a person with a serious mental illness that can easily go undetected by the untrained and inexperienced eye. To put it politely, the person suffers from what is defined in medical terms as an “antisocial personality disorder”. Please note I use the term “suffer” lightly in the context of that sentence. The term “antisocial personality disorder” originated by the acts of the sociopath that is socially unacceptable. They have no guilt, no remorse, and no shame for what they do to people. They are aware they have this personality disorder, yet, they care nothing about the destruction they cause in the lives of innocent people because of it. They have a total disregard for the truth, and this is why they need someone “foolish” enough to deceive themselves by making excuses for the sociopath’s behavior as well as be willing to be deceived by them.

When a sociopath talks about their childhood (that is IF they tell the truth about it), these people usually give you a clue they may be a sociopath. One clue is the mentioning of brutally torturing animals until they die. Pay attention to their facial expression as they recall such horrendous acts; their face will light up like a child’s on Christmas morning. The thoughts and sights of inflicting pain on a poor defenseless creature excites them to no end. Do not be confused with a childhood act of squashing bugs or riding the family dog like it is a horse. This goes way beyond that. We are talking inflicting severe unbearable pain on animals that scream and bleed until they die, such as cats, kittens, dogs, puppies, goats, birds, and even frogs. Do not be surprised if a sociopath has these animals as pets as an adult; they do want to give you the impression they are a peace-and-nature loving human being. However, do be surprised if these animals suddenly come up missing without a logical cause or reason, especially after they have expressed such desires to have the pet to begin with. This evil desire to watch an animal cry out in agony until it dies does not go away as the sociopath becomes an adult; they only move on to “bigger and better things”, or in other words, more self-fulfilling things. That desire to harm is still there, only now as an adult that desire has evolved into torturing people.

Confusion is a form of torture: it is mental torture. It is much easier for the sociopath to get away with deception if you are confused. But, in order for them to cause confusion, they first have to gain control; control over your emotions. Control, to them, equals power. They do this by charming the light sockets off of you. They agree with everything you agree with. They believe in everything you believe in. They like everything you like. It is not until they know they have won you over is when they start their confusion game. Once the game begins, you will slowly start to see the sociopath within them emerge. It will be an adventure like none other that you will never forget…

(To be continued)

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

What Type of Cereal are You Dating?

“Cereal Daters” , or serial dater, is a term I like to describe as being a person who dates with no real purpose. They do not measure their relationships in terms of longevity; they only date a person long enough to get what they want out of them, and move on to the next. To put it lightly, these people think of dating as a their job. In fact, it is a job.  It is a job to them because it is actually a lot of work to live a lie along with covering up their real identity for fear of being exposed. It is even harder for the serial dater if they live in a small town; means their chances of finding fresh victims is even slimmer if they have a tarnished reputation.

Most of these serial daters have similar traits to cereal brands. Here are just a few examples:

The Corn Flaker: The person who runs hot and cold throughout the entire duration of the relationship. One minute they’re all over you; the next minute they barely remember your name. One day they think the world of you; the next day they tell you how much they hate your guts. The flakiness is not so much as the problem as is the corny reasons for them to be this way. While you are trying to regain their attention, they play hard to get. Ever try to grab the last corn flake in a bowl full of milk that just does not seem to want to get on the spoon? It is frustrating after a while. The same principle applies to trying to grab the attention of the Corn Flaker; after a while, you will get tired of the “catch me if you can” games they like to play.

The Lucky Charmer: Have you ever met a person who appears too good to be true? Well, you know the saying; chances are it probably is too good to be true. These daters have a sick fetish for charming the heck out of their victims. They try to give the impression that you are so lucky to have them in your life, but in reality, they really have nothing to offer. Some of the things they say about themselves are so “colorful”, just like the Lucky Charms cereal itself, that even they begin to believe their own lies. The next thing you know, they’re running off trying to use their “magic” on someone else.

The Trix-ster: These silly rabbits act just like kids when dating. Do not expect anything more than a bunch of pointless mind games from them. After about a week of this, you will begin to wonder if they have not literally transformed into a real bunny when they begin gnawing on their bottom lip with their two front teeth during one of their outrageous temper tantrums over trivial matters. They hop from one game to the next, with little or no break in between, and you can never tell which game will pop up next. When they think you about to call them on their games, they try locating the nearest hole in the ground to escape their well-deserved wrath. During their retreat, they begin working on the minds of other prospective victims. Usually, these tricksters prefer dating someone significantly younger than them; the less experienced their victims are, the better chance of getting away with their mind games.

The Fruit Looper: They love drama, and seem to feel better about themselves as long as there is always some dramatic situation going on. They love the “save me! save me!” games. Once a problem is solved, they tend to go seek out another way to get themselves into trouble again; like one continuous loop. They search for people who seemed to have their life in order; kind, generous victims, who are willing to lend them a helping hand. Of course, there is nothing wrong with helping someone out, but the moment you begin to realize your help is fruitless on these people, you yourself will become depressed and discouraged trying to shed some light on this person’s life who always seems to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Once they have realized they are getting close to exhausting all of your resources, they follow their nose onto their next willing participant to play their savior.

This is why I like yogurt as the perfect cereal. It is good for digesting a lot of crap and flushing it out with no left-over residue…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine