The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 7)

So far, all I have been writing about is on what it would be like if you were involved with a sociopath. Hopefully those mock scenarios were helpful, however, I believe it would be even more helpful to give a few tips on how to recognize a sociopath long before you get too deeply involved with them…

TIP #1: Pay attention to how they talk about women (if it is a man) or men (if it is a woman) in a derogatory way. They sometimes let true feelings slip out when conversing about gender roles. If the person is a male and is always referring to women in some perverted way, this usually means they think of women as sex objects or toys. If they talk down about women, referring to them as the “B” word, and likes to watch women being abused, tortured or raped, run for the hills. If you are a woman, just because he whispers sweet nothings in your ear all day long and yet talks with this negative attitude towards the female species does not mean you are special and he will not want to treat you the same way the minute you do something that angers them. You are only a good woman as long as you are useful to them, and them only. The same goes for a woman who says hateful slanderous things about men in general. She will never respect you as an individual no matter how hard you try to win her over.

EXAMPLE FOR TIP #1:

S-path: I think women are the most beautiful things on this planet. I love them dearly.

Her: You do? Why that’s a nice thing to say. I love men as well…

S-path: Oh really? Great!

(Both watching a movie, non-comedy; Β scene shows woman getting slapped by a man)

S-path: AHAHAHAHA!! That’s what that b*tch gets! HAHAHA!

(suddenly, S-path’s phone rings)

S-path (looks at caller-ID): Oh not this b*tch again. It’s my accountant. She’s staying extra late at the office to work on my taxes.

(S-path answers call; talks politely to her, then hangs up)

S-path: HA! That b*tch is so stupid! She says she’s got an emergency. Her child fell down the stairs. Dumb b*tch should be at home anyways!

Now think: why on earth would a man who is trying to seduce a woman use this kind of language when referring to other women (especially one that is making personal sacrifices to help him) IN FRONT OF HER?? Notice how his actions do not match up to what he said about women general.

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TIP #2: Pay attention to how they respect their parents. When we were kids, it was normal to express our dislikes of how we were raised by our parents while growing up because we didn’t realize at the time that they were raising us in a way that was meant for our own good later down the road in life. Β For example, we complained about our curfew times, having to do chores, our homework, not being able to stay up late when we wanted to, etc., but it wasn’t until when we became adults and had to apply that self-discipline and responsibility in the real world did we really begin to appreciate that parental discipline. We may not of liked what we had to go through, but we went through it without much of a fuss. If a person brags about how they rebelled against their parents in a sadistic way whenever they tried to discipline them, look out. This usually means they despise restrictions of any kind and have no respect for boundaries, rules, or laws and will retaliate the second they feel restricted by them.

EXAMPLE FOR TIP #2:

S-path: Yeah I loved my mom to death, but I have to tell you a funny story.

Her: Oh, okay πŸ™‚

S-path: There was this one time when she told me I was grounded for bad grades, so I tied all her jewelry in knots, and then I flushed them down the toilet. HAHA isn’t that funny?! She knew who was the boss around there! AHAHA!

Her: um… okay 😐

S-path: Oh yeah, and speaking of which, there was a time when the neighbors told me I wasn’t invited to their birthday party, so I tied a brick around their cat’s neck and threw it in their swimming pool. You should of seen the look on their faces HAHAHA! Oh man! AHAHAHAHA ahh those were the days!

Her: (shrugges shoulders)

If you start to laugh at the sociopath’s sick things they did while they’re recollecting their childhood, they will interpret this to mean you like their sense of humor… and… will also expect you to laugh and enjoy it when they do these same things to YOU!

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TIP #3: Pay attention to how fast they talk. Sociopaths talk fast; REAL fast. They do not want to give you time to think about what they’re saying; they just want you to hurry up and see things their way and make a decision in their favor. They encourage you to make decisions irrationally and impulsively. They also don’t stick to one subject for too long out of fear you might start asking questions that they cannot answer ( or do not want to answer) when you’re trying to make sense of what they’re saying. Most sociopaths talk in metaphors and do so in a way that it gives the listener one impression while the sociopath really means something totally different; again this is all to get you to do something rash in their favor.

EXAMPLE FOR TIP#3

S-path: Hey, you’re pretty cool. I could really like you alot. You know that, right?

Her: (giggles) Yeah I know. πŸ˜€

S-path: Yeah I’m really tired of going over to my sister’s house. It’s a long travel back and forth from work.

Her: Where does your sister live?

S-path: I have to wake up at 5:30 every morning just to get to work on time.

Her: Oh wow! That’s really early!

S-path: Yeah it is. If I fall asleep by 10:00 the night before, it’s not so bad. You’re lucky. You live close to every place I go to.

Her: Thanks but I just happened to find this place by…

S-path: (interrupts) Say, you wouldn’t mind if I crashed here for the night, would you? I have to get up awfully early in the morning. It’s 9:30pm already. Time sure does fly when you’re having fun, doesn’t it?

Her: Yep, it sure does. Sure you can stay.

(S-path spends the night at her house; they have passionate sex; S-path leaves half of his belongs at her house before he leaves in the morning)

Notice how the sociopath quickly redirects the conversation away from her question about the location of his sister. Why? Because there is no sister. He lives with another woman. This slick sociopath is trying to set up camp in a new woman’s house without officially leaving the present woman he lives with first. Also note how the sociopath starts off with a charming opening line that goes right over the lady’s head. He says “I COULD really like you alot”, not “I really like you alot” or “I DO like you alot”. Β “Could” is too vague with how it’s used in this sentence and can easily be misconstrued for the wrong meaning, which is what the sociopath is trying to do. Β Again, the sociopath quickly changes the subject from confessing his “real” emotions to his woes about traveling back and forth to work so the lady won’t have time to really think about what he just said previously, and question it.

In fact, the sociopath is such a fast-talker that she didn’t pick up on his subtle hints about moving in with her because he gave her the impression he wanted to stay only for one night. And, the sociopath’s preferred “weapon” of choice is passionate sex, guaranteed to throw all of her common sense out the window while he’s throwing smoke in her eyes so she can’t see what’s really going on. She doesn’t realize this until after the 4th or 5th night, when he leaves a little more of his belongs each time. The sociopath pulled this trick as if he didn’t want to give her not so much as a choice in the matter; just a sob story and several changes of his underwear, socks, and clothing.

So these are just a few tips and examples of what to look out for when first interacting with a sociopath. It’s kind of difficult to detect when a sociopath is deceiving you when you are all caught up in the euphoria of their charms, until it’s too late. There are many many more tips and examples that need to be pointed out, in which I will write more as I recollect them. Hope this little tidbit is helpful.

(to be continued…)

Β© 2013 Learus Ohnine

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34 thoughts on “The Sociopath: A Social Terrorist (part 7)

  1. Tip 3 made me smile!!! πŸ™‚ lol… my gosh they talk fast. They can talk you out of everything (especially the charismatic types)

    Not experienced the hatred of women only rarely with the charismatic type. In fact he is the opposite, so he is charismatic. The perfect gentleman, would never say anything bad about a woman, he can’t be more helpful (to your face) which was all the more shocking at the end when the truth came out. After we split, well it never shocks me now, but he does have a narcissistic rage and psycho meltdown (when he is losing control) – this happened the other day (hence the crazy making behaviour post) I had him outside yelling for a day, stones at the window, constant calls and texts etc… I stop talking to him when he behaves like that.

    He has distaste for men that talk down to women? …. I have to be honest, even when we are out and out full on rowing, he has barely never said anything about my person. (its in anger and retaliation when he does – he will say sorry) … he never used to….. I don’t know if this is because his childhood was his father cheating on his mother, treated her badly and seeing the pain that she went through?

    With the distempered psycho though yes. (distempered types are more openly narcissistic and sadistic) he thought very little of women. I would say a secret hatred and looking down on them. Very different to the charismatic type.

    What is common from lots of people that I have spoken to, and my own experience with them, is that the psycho’s have experienced very difficult relationships with their mother, and for some reason their mother is often ‘unavailable’ strange mother/son connections.

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    • Thank you for sharing this. I remember reading before about these two different types of sociopaths, but most of my personal experiences were only with one type: the distempered psycho ones. I have noticed these types do have a strange relationship with their mothers, and I think it is for this reason why they have such a strange viewpoint of women when they become adults. A son’s first impression of how a woman should be comes from their mother, so when they get out there in the world of dating, if their relationship with their mother is twisted, so will their impressions of women be also. I admit that is sad, however, not excusable. Just my opinion.

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  2. Also brilliant about how they move in, move in fast not giving you time to think. That is how it happens!

    It is almost hypnotic, what they do. Fortunately for me, I think I can understand psycho talk as if it is another language. So he doesn’t get it past me.

    He will do EXACTLY the same pattern over and over DESPITE that he KNOWS that I KNOW the patterns of a psycho! πŸ™‚ How weird is that?

    He even reads every post that I write on my blog? Its really bizarre. Like an auto pilot thing that they do.

    I find the behaviour fascinating. I have never known a whole group of people to behave in exactly the same way. Same patterns of behaviour. He is really trying NOT to do it… sometimes he is successful….sometimes he is not…. always i suspect him, and analyse him. It is interesting, and I wonder what in their brain causes it?

    Distinction does need to be made between the distempered and the charismatics as they follow similar patterns but they are very different.

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    • He sounds really dysfunctional. How do you know he’s reading every post on your blog? For some reason, maybe his brain resets and that’s why he keeps repeating the same pattern? It’s that auto pilot thing like you’ve mentioned. I’ve seen this happen as well. This kind of behavior really does define the definition of “Insanity”. It’s going to be really hard for him to try not to be himself. He will only be able to stand it for so long…

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      • Well, i think what happens is that they put on a new ‘mask’ and to them, they really do believe that the past is in the past and they are going to be different.

        Tonight he came round, i had pasta, loads of it, which would have been thrown away, so thought whatever. He said why are you off with me? I said because you had your psycho meltdown last time you were here remember? ….. and to him that is in the past, its not important.

        They just reinvent. It really is bizarre behaviour.

        I remember when i was first with him, as he told me different stories, his accent changed. He had lived in 3 different geographical locations that all had strong accents, as he told me different stories, his accent changed. That was him putting on a new mask and going into character….. later…. it turned out that none of it was true. Everything was made up.

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        • He’s lying when he asks why he doesn’t know why you respond to him in a certain way. Believe me, he knows what he’s doing. Don’t be fooled, and this is one of the ways they try to fool you; by playing “stupid”…

          Pretending to be someone else was part of his charm. He was hoping you would interpret his changes as being brilliant. Did it work for the moment? Probably. Until you caught on, then he probably panicked and changed into someone who gets more of a response from you. It’s all the same weird game that never really goes anywhere…

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          • No, I don’t think so.

            Because there is no benefit at all (sociopaths only bother when there is a benefit) its more to do with the fact that they honestly don’t think they have done anything wrong.

            To them, well it was then why are you making a fuss about it now? its over….. I can give a lot of examples.

            He knows he would never con me, we split up such a long time ago. They do put on new masks, and to them – this is who I am now today – then doesn’t matter. And then they relapse same pattern again over and over πŸ™‚ Never learning as they don’t and can’t.

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            • Okay I get what you’re saying. But when you break it down to a science, in a way he is benefiting something out of this: wasting your time. You broke up with him, yet, you still allow contact with him. This opens a portal for him to at least play some kind of part in your life. Just be careful, please….

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      • I spent a long time (and still do) on victims support forums, and noticed that we all might as well have been dating the same man. In terms of patterns…. Charismatics will damage your life – distemperds will damage your life and your mind and soul…… he really does try to ‘change’ lol, but it never happens the same patterns repeat over and over and I don’t expect him to change. But he now that he understands what it is, try to manage it. I think that is the best you can hope for is self management.

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        • It’s good if his changes consist of getting rid of the bad and doing the right thing all the time. Keywords here: all the time. That’s going to be hard for him to be steady and consistent. And is going to take a lot of self-discipline on his part. He will also start to feel like he’s losing control, and that can be disastrous…

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          • In some senses, it works. Like I work hard, too hard really. Right now am working on a book. So that takes a lot of my time (as am doing two different ones on two different subjects). But – I don’t get time to do lots of other things that I need to do.

            He likes free things (as they live like parasites)….so he can do things that i dont get time to do…. and he gets free things. There are also factor one and factor two traits. Factor one traits will always be there, factor two traits can diminish with age. So factor two traits he can work on. Factor one, its about managing it.

            Makes me wonder if their soul and who they are has anything to do with it. As he has done some bad things, and I just send him away and wont put up with bad behaviour, but never has he damaged me in terms of my person. it was always lying deception conning stupid things.

            Yes, it can be disasterous. I put a video up today about a guy (classic charismatic type)… he had two women living with him, both breeding children living off the state. Much younger women. One left him (each would take turns each night to sleep with him in the caravan), one had 5 children the other 6 children.

            One left him….. taking 5 children. of course this was loss of control, she went into a safe house…. so, he tried to frame her to set their house on fire.

            But it sadly backfired, the house went straight up in smoke. And sadly all 6 children died. he was even on tv giving statements false crying but no tears…..

            I would say that he is classic charismatic type. He kept those women by selling them what they wanted. They both ended up in jail on manslaughter charges. To this day – the mother of those 6 children thinks that he was her guardian angel and her saviour! 😦

            She struggled with defence in the court. Whilst he stood there for 3 days lying and trying to persuade the jury that he was innocent.

            its a long video as it was on BBC Panorama, last week, but you can see all the classic charismatic sociopath traits. He has the occasional psycho meltdown where you see the narcisstic rage (he was on Jeremy Kyle, in UK like jerry springer) for having 17 children on welfare state….. apart from the odd narc rage – he was there laughing and smiling and the women were so deluded and brainwashed they thought they had a good deal.

            Its sad that even in prison, with all 6 of her children dead – from a plot where he sought revenge on the one that left….. she still believes that he is her guardian angel.

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              • Yes it is really sad. And just goes to show how far they would go to achieve their agenda.

                From what I have observed, during the time when they lose control they do seem to literally lose their mind and it is almost as if they are capable (during that time) of literally anything.

                Who in their right mind would arrange for someone to set their house on fire, with the kids asleep upstairs, simply to take kids of your ex and get her back? …… so sad…. unbelievable really. This guy thought he was the don, 17 kids all paid for by the state.

                He saw his kids as a free meal ticket (they live like parasites), esp low functioning charismatic types. When she left and took the five kids, and wouldnt be producing more, this was a drop in income.

                Both those women worked – money paid into his bank account. He had total control over them. So much I think they were brainwashed into thinking that they had a good deal 😦

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  3. How can all of these people, who have never met each other, all behave the same way? All follow the same patterns? I spent last 9 months on victims forums, and whilst the stories were different, the patterns were identical (giving an excellent forum for group support).

    Sorry for writing LONG comments…. I type too fast, and forget how much I am writing!!! eek…

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  4. Please, do not apologize. I enjoy this. This is how we learn πŸ™‚

    If the studies are correct, they say the sociopath is missing the part of their brain that processes emotions, conscious, etc., so that would explain why these people all follow the same pattern. Maybe this is standard protocol for someone not operating on a fully functional mind. Just my opinion, of course. πŸ™‚

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  5. Oh, I know he reads my blog, because he tells me. Sometimes he disagrees with what I write. I ask him to tell me how it is then, he hacked into all my accounts and even found the victims support forum I go to….. and wrote his piece there!!! πŸ™‚

    I am always honest. And I have told him nothing will stop me writing. But it is why almost always write in the third person, and its not personal πŸ™‚ Sometimes I write about him, sometimes the other one (for example the distempered on abused me with religion using my dead daughter to do so) so I wrote the post about how they can use religion to abuse you (and I have heard other women say the same)

    The charismatic isn’t interested in that …. they just use charm, i would say that the distempered controls through fear – the charismatic controls through faking love and seducing/manipulating.

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      • What both distempered and charismatic?

        Or both narcissist and sociopath?

        No, distempered and charismatic are very very different types of people.

        All sociopaths are narcissists….. not all narcissists are sociopaths.

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        • Being both distempered and charismatic. I met someone that uses charism to charm the women into falling for him, then once he knows he’s got them fully under his spell, he abuses them. It’s a sick sadistic game he plays with the hearts of women, with little to no financial or material game involved. He just likes to emotionally and mentally torment women. Also, his charisma is what he uses to build a reputation opposite to his distempered self. Very complicated.

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          • Yes that is the distempered type. The one I met after my daughter died, came in as the nicest man in the world. Helping me to grieve. At the time my brain was frozen in shock…. 4/5 months he stayed like that, as soon as I got involved he changed. Like a different man. I then spent a year desperate for him to go back to the man that I had fallen in love with….

            Back then I didn’t realise what a psychopath was. Although I now realise I had worked with hundreds. What happened afterwards was a sick twisted psychological game, where he used my dead daughter to keep me with him, and abuse me. That was definition of hell. He threatened to kill me, broke into my house.

            Even EMDR therapy for PTSD didn’t pull me out. The charismatic one mirroring me did. I was scared of the first one, it was eerie…. chilling….

            The charismatic one, isn’t anything like that at all. Thank god. But lock up your cash, never leave anything around as they are opportunists….and you never know….

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  6. I’m not sure why comments appear to be overly stretched on the page like this. I will have to look into it later…

    To your comment above about the guy trying to get revenge, there is such a thing called Karma that will take care of him. It may not come when he thinks it will, but it’s coming, usually when he least expects it.

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  7. I just want to say I am just very new to blogging and seriously loved your page. More than likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly come with very good writings. Kudos for sharing with us your web page.

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  8. I feel that I am sick when I have a runny nose during the winter, a sore throat that is trying to cough away a flu, or a stuffy nose reminding me April is over- spring is on schedule.

    It is when, as my head falls towards my pillow to rest, my little light inside flickers on just long enough to drown me in guilt, self-pity, embarrassment, regret and remorse as I lose count of the number of drivers I zoom and weave around dangerously close, customers at work that I judge and point out to coworkers because I find it humorous enough to share, the times I so quickly putdown or find a counterargument to the idea my friend excitedly tells me, and how many lies roll off my tongue to manipulate, persuade, apologize, greet, or avoid people that I feel that I am more than just sick.
    Everyone, even myself, I realize I deceive too easily… too carelessly.

    I soften the blow of the self-hate with substance abuse, alcohol, isolation, insomnia, self destruction because I’m fighting against the ever so convincing me to not give up trying to live with myself. Ignorance was bliss.

    I just turned 21. I was not happy because now I can hang out at bars or legally call myself an adult; I am happy because I survived myself 2 decades and a year- I can mark that one off my bucket list.

    I hold the door open for people behind me, anyone I speak to is a sir or ma’am, I thank others when helped, and wish them a good weekend. I question if that will ever ‘feel’ genuine again after stumbling across the characteristics one would use to label a social terrorist. Did I really make all those A’s and graduate with honors? Was it my hard work and effort that made me an Eagle Scout? Am I allowed to claim myself as buddhist and spiritual? You won’t ever know. And to be honest, neither will I. I hope I have just bad habits; wish it is consciousness that keeps me alive.

    Recently, I found that I meet the DSM threshold to be labeled as having Bipolar disorder. As well as meeting the criteria for quite a few mental illnesses I keep listed as possibilities on my list titled, β€œWhat is Wrong with ME!” Hours of research (online quizzes and blog-rolls) convinced me that I had peeled away all the layers of myself like an onion so that I could finally begin treating the core cause of my problems. The joys of the comorbidity of mental illness. I just added narcissistic sociopath/psychopath to my list. I have yet to read anything on your blog that assists or advises help for social terrorists; This is a request that you can consider to do. If I’m still breathing, I still have a chance.

    (Wow, rereading this… The use metaphors… playing victim… your posts are spot on. I am a bane to existence.)

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    • and to add, it will always have to be a fine balance between coping and exerting self control – there won’t be a cure to stop the collateral damage. Learning moderation is key.

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    • Amazing comment there. It’s quite puzzling though. To be honest, It doesn’t sound like you are a sociopath. Sociopaths don’t admit to doing anything wrong, even when they know they are, they just make up more excuses for their behavior.

      Also, sociopaths do not have a conscious. If you are aware there’s a problem in your life and you seek out information to identify with a classification, that means you have a conscious. However, the motive that drives this conscious to seek information is a different story…

      Writing about help for sociopaths is pretty hard. Note: it is HARD, but not impossible. I will look into it in the future.

      Thanks for visiting. πŸ™‚

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  9. I was in a ‘relationship’ with a psychopath. It was a nightmare. But I started to understand what she was before it was over and I damaged her by playing dumb. She used me to get into a brand new 2 bedroom government apartment. Then tried to ditch me, attempted to blackmail me by threatening to have me charged for pushing her over and smeared my name in the building to the staff that worked there. None of it worked. I did move as the government gave me another apartment in a different suburb (a one bedroom, ground floor townhouse ). But as I realised, I had been used so she could get her hands on the 2 bedroom apartment in a superior location. Turns out they wouldn’t let her keep it. And she got shifted into a studo apartment. So small you couldn’t swing a cat in it. And me? Told her how sorry I was for her. Her words? ‘This apartment is not good enough’ Superior little shit.

    And what games did she try and play:

    Recruited her next victim before trying to get rid of me (only 9 days after moving in together she was asking me to leave when nothing had happened – I was reeling in shock). I thought – what the f**k and when she was sleeping read the texts on her phone.

    Started complaining about me to the housing manager both in front of me and behind my back

    Lied about me to her psychologist who rang the building to ask if there was a way that we could be separated for a while (when I’d been downstairs for 5 hours on the computer) – security informed me of that call just minutes after the call came through.

    How I responded to all this?

    Kept my cool
    Played dumb and forgiving for her ‘lapses’ of decency
    Showed the organisation all the empty booze bottles that were hidden in her room
    Brought up the phone call from her psych to the organisation and had security verify that I was being persecuted for nothing
    Spoke to a mutual friend about the next victim – who persuaded the girl not to move in

    And I’m relieved to say it worked. She didn’t get her claws into the next victim. And she was forced to downgrade to a studio. She lost control so badly that she had to go into a mental hospital for help. That year she spent nearly 18 weeks in mental hospitals to get over losing control. And to this day she has no realisation that I had caught on to her.

    I think the bitter pill for her was watching me get a larger home than her. Her sense of entitlement was shocking, the rage and the tears were terrible when she tried to get me to swap with her. Never was I going to do that – return to a place where she had attempted to ruin my reputation.

    For years I was completely hoodwinked by her. I saw disturbing things but deluded myself into believing that no one would do things she did intentionally to hurt others. By the time I got away from her I was psychologically in a very very dark place, vulnerable and financially screwed. She had done a good job on me.

    Before she dumped me (and isn’t that scary – that I didn’t leave?) she met a guy and within a month she had gone downstairs to reapply for a bigger apartment. The response? You are housed and can’t reapply for any other properties. Three days later she dumped the guy she was ‘so in love with’ and she hasn’t bothered with relationships since.

    I have never seen entitlement issues like it in my life. According to her the rules that people have to live by ‘don’t apply to me’. And she genuinely believes that.

    She is a scary person. But if you think they don’t hurt, think again. Their own feelings of superiority will one day mean, that when they don’t get their own way – it will rip them apart. The loss of control and the rage that happens is indescribable. And to protect myself? I empathised with her – because the self destruction it caused her was something utterly tragic. Did I feel guilty? In ways I did. But I don’t regret that it helped to save someone else.

    To this day she thinks me dumb. It is my protection. And I think about the fact that she lives in a small space and that is her punishment for all the atrocious things she has done to people over the decades.

    My advice to anyone out there who has a relationship with a psychopath? Play dumb and think smart until you can get yourself out of there. If you can do this then the damage won’t be as severe. When you are away get yourself a psychologist and private health cover. Don’t bother telling people what happened to you. You won’t be believed. You’ll lose friends at a time you need them most.

    I know she has a new victim in her life. Wealthy, kind hearted and with poor self esteem. And I can’t change that. If I approached her, she wouldn’t believe me. All I can do is be grateful that I’ve survived this and helped someone else not be exploited.

    There is a way to be happy again after this. And it comes from getting the right mental health assistance. For well over a year I was in day groups and psych sessions on a weekly basis. Doing this changed my life. It was painful but it worked. Do the same for yourself and realise that the whole world is not like these monsters.

    I have learned to take my time getting to know people, to watch what they do instead of what they say. If it seems too good to be true – it generally is and that people need to meet their own needs. If people don’t meet these criteria then I distance pretty fast or downsize to meeting up for coffee. I’ve used what was a potentially life destroying relationship to grow as a person. I can see it as a gift now. It took a few years to reach this point – but I’m there now. You can be too. Good luck

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  10. Things to look out for:

    How do they get on with their family?
    Do they have any long term friends that they see regularly?
    Do they have children? (generally, the females don’t)
    Do they want to get to know everything about you too fast?
    Are you overwhelmed by how caring they are in the beginning?
    How independent are they?
    Do they live a life of former glories…none of which are present now?
    Do they have lots of gifts from people they never see?
    Have they just left a relationship?
    Are they ‘humble’ about all the kindnesses you are showing, but only occasionally reciprocate?
    What evidence is there to verify that they are telling the truth?
    Are they financially secure?
    What makes them angry?
    How do they talk about others?
    How do they handle it when you don’t want to have sex?
    Are they fine about you spending time with other people without them?
    Do they make you feel that you are selfish for thinking of you?
    Do they want you thinking that they are victims?
    Do they exaggerate to get your pity and attention?

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