Who is Sucking The Life Out Of You?

I call these people “energy vampires”. Their existence depends on the necessities of those similar to that of a real vampire’s needs, except they do not feed on blood to survive. They thrive on draining the energy and the life out of kind, generous, warm-hearted people instead. As they draw them into their life using a smokescreen of what appears to be helplessness, neediness, and vulnerability, they measure their victim’s tolerance level to assess just how much of their madness they can handle before going mad themselves. By the time their current victim starts to crack up, they will then have enough energy to scope the area for a new victim to feed on once again.

This vicious cycle for nourishment continues throughout their entire lifetime, for without a constantly supply of unsuspecting charitable good Samaritans to feed upon, they will die. They use the nourishment they need so they can appear fresh and anew to each additional victim, for the more the merrier so as to not have to worry about being stuck without a fresh supply of energy. In fact, the advantage of living a lifestyle like this is not so much about satisfying their unquenchable hunger for human beings to drain the life out of, but it is more or less about robbing someone else of something that was once, or twice, robbed from them.

The sad part about all of this is that it is extremely hard for the victim to tear away from the vampire long enough to replenish their own energy. During the energy draining stages is when the victim is at their weakest point, and also under the most scrutiny by the energy vampire, especially if they do not already have a firm replacement already lined up and waiting. The victim will see signs within themselves of changes they would have never anticipated that utterly contradict their own nature, such as feelings of loneliness or wanting solitude more often than usual, feelings of despair about their own proficiency in making decisions, cold-heartedness and bitterness towards the opposite sex, repeatedly unexplained physical ailments, and a mental state of confusion or a feeling of “being lost” at immense levels never experienced before.

The best defense a victim of an energy vampire can have is a stable mind.  Victims have a tendency to take on other people’s problems as if they were their own, and in a sense, they are their problems too if they allow them to affect their state of mind. The victim should never forget that it was their potent strength of character, their personality, their morals, their standards, and their goodwill are what drew the energy vampire to them to in the first place, and those qualities were there without the need of having to feed off of someone else to get them. Those qualities are what victims should hold onto dearly, with honor and pride, because it is this foundation that was utilized with good intentions to help the energy vampire that will also save the victim from eternal damage through self-healing. In other words, the recycling of another energy vampire into society stops here.

If you have ever been a victim of an energy vampire, NEVER EVER let a person rob you of your identity OR your sanity and change who you are…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

For The Men (Ladies, Do Not Read This)

Men, you are going to have to stop reading into everything we women say and do, and starting taking us for face-value. When you add on extra words to ours, do NOT complain about how complicated we women when you have just added fuel to the fire. Just accept the fact that maybe, JUST maybe, we women are much easier to get along with than you give us credit for.

If you want to understand us, try LISTENING to us for a start! We tell you everything you need to know about us from the beginning, and if you choose to ignore the facts, that is not our problem. There is no need to struggle with understanding how our minds work. If your woman seems confused, she probably is. She’s probably confused trying to figure out why you are still confused about what she means even after she has broken everything down into simple terms. She is not doing this to insult your intelligence; she is trying to make life with you as easy as possible to cut down on any chance for misunderstandings to occur later down the line.

Also, do not think for one second she does not want to understand you too. You guys are not as easy to read as you may think you are. Speak to her when you do not understand something she said or did. Ask her if she needs your help when you see her struggling to find the right words to say. But under no circumstances, do not assume you are reading her correctly. Make sure you are on the right track. And for Heaven’s sake, DO NOT TALK OVER HER WHILE SHE IS TALKING! Keep doing this and you will find yourself in the middle of a heated argument– dazed, confused, and getting nowhere.

Another bad habit that needs to stop is telling your woman “we’ll talk about this later” when she’s expressing herself. Do you turn off the television during the final quarter of the Superbowl game and say “I’ll watch this later”? Remember, she notices everything about you, including how you hold your attention towards anything you feel is important to you until the very end. Saying you want to put her off until later will register in her mind that she is not important enough to you for you to give you undivided attention to.

Oh, and by the way, it is pointless to go out looking for a replacement for her. We women are all pretty much wired the same anyway, so you might as well work it out with the one you are with.

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

 

For The Ladies (Men, Do Not Read This)

Ladies, how many times do we have to explain to men we are not as complicated as they make us out to be? It is as if they refuse to listen to what we say and would rather analyze everything we say and do as if we are speaking in codes. True, there used to be a time when we had that reputation because it was a fact; we did speak in codes, only because when we did speak, we felt like we are not being heard. We tell a man exactly what we need to fill satisfied, and in turn, the man runs around and does everything else except for what we told them to do. Then, they look as us like WE ARE the confused ones! Hence we developed “the codes” for the sake of our own sanity.

Then, there are some of you ladies who still try to be deliberately confusing by using the “old skool” fashioned way of running circles around the guy’s head with words and phrases that even you yourself do not understand, and thinking it’s funny. Stop that. Nobody can understand you unless you are straight-forward and to the point. There is no need to confuse the guy and then say “he does not understand me”. Of course he doesn’t. Would you? Make up your mind before you speak. And please, think carefully before you make up your mind, too.

Also, do not think of your man as a “baby”. He is not a child. He can think, walk, and hopefully talk for himself. We women tend to use our mothering skills on a man, and then wonder why he cowards away in the corner. It is okay to meet his basic needs, and even spoil him once in a while, but remember you are playing with fire. If he gets too comfortable with your mothering ways, he will expect it all the time. You will have a robot out of him. The minute you change, he will change. Always treat him in a consistent, stable manner and neither one of you will be scratching your heads at the end of the day trying to figure out why you two are at each other’s throats so often.

Ladies, I hope this makes sense. Let’s stop the games.

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

When You Are In A Relationship… (part 2)

“When you are in a relationship with someone who is periodically displaying extremely disgruntled reactions to petty matters followed by an unwillingness to discuss and resolve them, it is a sign they are hiding something detrimental to the relationship itself.”

Watch out for this, especially in a romantic relationship where the person has a history of cheating. What appears to be a trivial matter to you (and it probably really is trivial) is actually really seriously important to them because they do not want to expose themselves. More than likely, what they want to cover up is something you really need to know, especially if it changes the whole dynamics of the relationship’s fate, and they will try to throw as much confusion your way as best as they possibly can in order to make sure you never find out what is really going on behind your back. For example: the guy who is cheating on his girlfriend might demand (not ask) her to make certain moves and/or actions, that do not make any sense at all pertaining to the circumstances, however, it makes all the sense in the world to him because it is part of his plan. When he explains his logic behind his requests, and that’s IF he explains it, what he says makes no sense at all whatsoever. What she does affects his secrets, so he tries to discreetly control her actions so as to not mess up his plans he is intends to carry out behind her back.

I once knew a middle-aged guy who used women to survive. He preyed on women he thought were naïve, simple-minded, and gullible even if those traits were in no way apart of their character. As long as he believed in this idealization he created of these women in his head, to him it was a reality, and he would treat all these women according to his idealizations.  By living in his head this way, it gave him the confidence to approach each of his “victims”, and the stupidity to create a fictitious image of himself no matter how preposterous he ending up looking to all of them, thinking he could never be exposed. Even if he did land himself a good woman, his mouth was forever filled with complaints that sounded like they originated from the mind of a child.  He never had any real logical complaints about his woman, although he wanted it to appear that way to her as a way to hide the truth. In actuality, his petty complaints were all excuses to create distance between them while he worked on seducing another woman. Once he figured he had the other woman totally sold on him, he would create just enough distance between him and the other woman in order to buy him some time to make amends with his own woman. As confusing as all this sounds, the reason for this ridiculous merry-go-round of dubious behavior was because he had a bizarre personality disorder; the kind that no therapy or drug could cure, with one of his symptoms being a distorted sense of self. He knew this, and although a lot of effort and behavior modification could have improved his life quite tremendously, he chose to make a mess of it anyway. He cared less about the string of devastated yet enlightened women he left behind him because the part of the human brain that processes human emotions was missing in his. Simply put, he had no conscious. He could not feel yet he knew what he was doing. In the end, he reaped exactly what he sowed—nothing. He ended up alone anyway.

(Think about it: if your mate tends to overreact so strongly to minor problems, how do you think they will react when something major pops up?)

 

“When you are in a relationship where the other person constantly speaks in first person, chances are they think in first person, too.”

Take note of the person who frequently uses the terms “I” and “me”, even when discussing things that include the both of you or includes others in general relating to the business. Note how many times they use the term “we” when there are others involved. I will tell you why this is so extremely important…

Suppose this is a romantic relationship. Your significant other refers to the things you do together when describing them to others in phrases like “I went to see a movie” or “I went to the beach”, even though the both of you went to see the movie and went to the beach together. They have verbally excluded you out of the scenario. While the two of you may have very well been there as a couple, the person has also mentally excluded you out of it as if you were not really there with them at all, and more than likely experienced it in the same way; you just happened to be an “accessory”.  This person thinks in terms of themselves in everything they do; everything they do is all about them. The person does not see the activities you two share together as doing them as a couple.

Now suppose this is a business relationship. Your partner discusses company plans in terms of “I created a plan” when in fact the plan was created by the inputs of the entire group, not just one individual. More than likely, everything involving the company is expressed in terms of “I” and “me” by this partner. This partner does not give full credit to all of his or her partners involved in any of the brainstorming processes that results in a successful outcome. However, if any plans were to fail, notice how your partner will suddenly change his or her vocabulary to “they” or “them” instead of “I” or “me”.

Although both the romantic and business individual may be surrounded by others, they actually view the world in terms as if they are the only ones in it and the world revolves around them. The term “selfishness” comes to mine. Chances are, their selfishness shows in other areas of their life as well. In a relationship, selfishness hinders closeness. In a business partnership, selfishness steals credit from where credit is due. All in all, there is usually a lack of respect for any other individual outside of their worlds and their cooperation skills are extremely poor.

 

(to be continued…)

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Cheating

A friend of mine told me some very disturbing news today. They have to go to a funeral tomorrow. A friend of theirs was shot dead,at point blank range, at the age of 25. Apparently, this friend was a “playboy”, “player”, or whatever term these young people use these days to describe a guy who just cannot keep his dick in his pants no matter how hard he tries.

The whole disturbing part about this news is that this is not the first time this has happened to one of his/her friends. The deceased all have one thing in common: they are gigolos.

Okay so maybe the term “gigolo” is so outdated and old-fashioned that it makes no sense to even try to revive the word, but its the best reference I know to describe the circumstances behind why these people are forever gone. The term has about as much of a chance of reviving itself as do the people who lost their lives already because of this lifestyle.

So why am I writing this blog about it?
Because I needed to vent my disgust in the meaning behind the term itself.

Maybe I have to be a man to understand this, but I really cannot see what is the point in hoping from woman’s bed to another, simultaneously, and somehow this is supposed to be… uh… fun?

I just cannot see the logic in it. And neither could the outraged spouse of the woman who caught her cheating with my friend’s dead friend. Obviously, her husband must of felt the same way, and his first thought was there was no need to discuss the matter, for he let the trigger do all the speaking on his behalf.

I cannot imagine a time in my life, thus far, when I have been so emotionally distraught where I wanted to kill someone. Never. I may have joked about it, but never literally.

Then again, we can never say never…

As for the dead friend, supposedly he knew what he was up against when he started fooling around with this woman and gambled his life away in spite of what he knew. He knew the woman had a husband who was basically a maniac. Maniacs do not handle emotions well. Look at the end result of this affair gone out of control and that explains what I am trying to say.

But for now, I just want to know… what is the big deal about cheating? To me, it seems its risks outweigh any benefits that can be gained from it. Maybe not all affairs come to a tragic end such as this one did, but there is still that chance of crossing a point of no return in so many ways.

My opinion to those that enjoy cheating–why not leave the person you’re with and just get it over with? Or is it that having more than one lover provides a sense of security?

I guess some things are just not meant to be understood…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Is it just me, or…

… does it seem like time is moving faster this year than any other year before?…

… does it seem like people are rushing everywhere, but end up going nowhere?…

… does it seem like everyone has something to say, but they wind up saying nothing?…

… does it seem like the more you cry, the less you feel?…

… does it seem like hearts are getting colder while minds are turning into infernos?. ..

… does it seem like fear has become a commodity?…

… does it seem like everybody cares, but nobody wants to know?…

… does it seem like the louder you scream, no one notices you?…

… does it seem like everyone is into themselves, yet are still lonely?…

… does it seem like people are more distant than ever before, yet they appear to be closer than we thought?…

… does it seem like visiting the past reveals the hard truth that the past never existed?…

… does it seem like the phrase “the end of the world” really means the end of YOUR world?…

Ah well…  was just a thought…

© 2013 Learus Ohnine

Something to think about: “Walls were Made to be Broken” (part 4) The Demolition Process

Hopefully by now, you have uncovered which walls need your immediate attention and which walls do not. I would suggest beginning the demolition process on any wall that is causing an immediate hindrance to your daily living, such as anything that is interfering with your peace of mind. Nothing compares to enjoying life with a healthy state of mind. Remember – you only get one life; it is better to make the most of the time you have to spend on this earth than to waste it and regret it later.

So on to the demolition…

The demolition process basically starts off following the same procedures for both Conscious and Unconscious Walls. The only difference is the amount of time it takes to completely destroy them. That time is determined by factors such as when that wall was placed there and who put it there. For example: an Unconscious Wall that has been built by an authority figure, such as a parental figure, a lover, or whomever you have depended on for emotional support and approval, may take years to demolish simply because it has been ingrained inside your heart and mind as a necessity for survival. Let’s say, for instance, a child who grows up in an environment that is unsympathetic and is full of callousness may have had to learn to adapt to that kind of situation by becoming so thick-skinned that they do not know how to love or be loved. They reject anyone who comes across as caring and sympathetic, or the total opposite, because they do not recognize that real love and are only receptive to people who resemble the authority figures of the environment they have grown up in. They will recreate their childhood environment because that IS their comfort zone. It may take years before this person can make a successful personal transformation, but it is not impossible.

So let’s begin with a less challenging wall to destroy: the Conscious Wall. Just a quick recall, a Conscious Wall is one that is derived from a realistic fear stemmed from an illogical belief. Examples of this would be along the lines of stereotyping: ALL marriages end in divorce, ALL blondes are dimwitted, ALL males are cheaters, and ALL women are not as intelligent as a man, and so on. Plenty can be said about the stereotyping of gender, sexual preference, and races but I will not get too deep into those details. When stereotype a person, place or thing, we will react to them according to what we feel is appropriate, and that includes avoidance. Keep in mind it is healthy and wise to avoid something or someone we know for a fact is not in our best interest. However, stereotyping is not based on facts. Stereotyping is based on opinion and does not necessarily mean one part applies to the whole, if you catch my drift.

But how do we debunk any hypothetical stereotyping beliefs we may have?

Get out there and find out for yourself. Be realistic; nobody is perfect. We all have flaws, hang-ups, etc., but is that not what makes us all unique? None of our personal flaws may have anything to do with our gender, our cultural background, or our sexual preference.  The funny thing about social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In, etc., is we all can be whoever we want to be behind the screen, but it is the words that we speak that will be noticed by others first. We do not see a face, a race, or a gender unless we post a profile picture, and even that sometimes is not always truthful. The bottom line is: you will never know what you are missing until you get to know the character of a person. Drop everything that you have heard and read about a gender, a culture, or a sexual preference and just meet a variety of people from all, and I do mean ALL, walks of life and from any and every category. Remember, you yourself fall into one or more categories. Would you want someone to discriminate against you without giving you a fair chance?

 

© 2013 Learus Ohnine