After your list of fears have been created, review your list to see what is realistic and what is not…
All fears have an origin, and figuring out what that origin is requires reflecting on our past experiences and self-reflection in general as to how we perceived those experiences, whether or not we have decided to have closure about them, etc. We create unrealistic fears out of unnecessary worries. Unnecessary worries are our own excessive thoughts and concerns about how we can control things that we actually cannot change the outcome of yet somehow feel we must take the blame if things do go wrong. If we can eliminate the need to control the things we cannot change, those unnecessary worries will vanish, and so will the unrealistic fears.
Speaking of things we cannot change, how many times have we blamed ourselves for things we think we should be in control of only to find out it was out of our hands to begin with? One of the most common examples of this kind of misdirected self-blame is when we experience a breakup or a divorce. Self-blame creates fears that have no credibility. For example; if you have done the best that you are capable of doing to love someone properly and they still reject you in the end, that is not your fault. It’s either they are going to accept you for who you are, or they are not. Do not settle for any other alternative. Do not be afraid to take a chance on love again just because someone did not appreciate what you have to offer them. There are far too many people on this planet to think you will never cross paths with the right person who will appreciate you as you are. Believing in any other false perception of yourself will only re-enforce the fear of being emotionally hurt. When you do encounter another potential mate, you may misinterpret some of their behavior(s) as a warning and react according to your own fear of going through another heartbreak, except you will not be aware that you are literally punishing another innocent human being for what someone else did to you as well as punishing yourself. This is called an unrealistic fear. Unrealistic fears create Unconscious Walls (See “Something to think about: Walls were Made to be Broken”).
Once you have distinguished the unrealistic fears on your list, all that should be left are the realistic ones. A realistic fear is a fear of facing unpleasant consequences tomorrow due to lack of preventive actions today. Realistic fears have a legitimate purpose because we are aware of what needs to be done to control the desired outcome. Examples of this would be the student who neglects to study for an exam will likely fail the exam, or the spouse who is unfaithful in their marriage is likely to become divorced, and so on.
But what if a realistic fear originated from observing the consequences of someone else’s actions? Stereotyping is a common mistake when deciding what we want out of life and what we think of other people, places, and things. For example; there are some students who believe just because other students have struggled with an exam or a class and failed miserably that it also means they themselves will experience the same fate no matter what. Without ever considering what factors the other students have purposely contributed to cause their own failure, it is much easier for those students to just assume the exam and/or class is the problem and it is best to avoid the situation altogether. The same principle goes for some people who are against marriage, although they have never been married and really have no legitimate reason to be against it. They assume ALL marriages are doomed to fail because of the failed ones they have observed and the horror stories they have heard, therefore, they assume marriage in general is a bad idea and avoid it regardless of how much they desire it. Having a feeling of inadequacy about your own ability to succeed in any area of your life based on someone else’s failure is a sure way to guarantee your own failure from the start. By deliberately avoiding situations only because you fear they will turn out to be the same like someone else’s, you have created a realistic fear. Realistic fears based on an illogical personal belief system creates Conscious Walls (See “Something to think about: Walls were Made to be Broken”).
In conclusion, Unconscious Walls are primarily based on unrealistic fears of the unknown, and Conscious Walls are primarily based on realistic fears of an illogical reality.
So now that you have a clear understanding of how Conscious and Unconscious Walls are made, I want to ask this question again:
Which wall was made to be broken?
The answer should be pretty easy now…. 😉
© 2013 Learus Ohnine
Learus Ohnine - "Walls Were Made To Be Broken" 